I have a friend like much and would like to help. She's divorced, has a lovely 12 yo daughter that lives with her. Her husband lives w/ another woman and the problem is the girls likes a lot her dad's partner. This makes my friend mad. She says the girl behaves better when at her dads house. Sometimes she has to ground the girl, but when she does something wrong at her dad's house, his partner just says, Hun, this was not right, I'll explain why, and the girl listens and obeys. The girl spent the last Saturday at father's house and his partner took the girl went to a lingerie store to get her first bra. When she came back, her mom, almost had a nervous break down, threw a bad tantrum over her girl first bra: You betrayed me, you're a nasty daughter, cause of that ***** you deprived me of such important moment for a mom, etc She destroyed one of the bras and locked the girl in her room for the whole Sunday. The girl is feeling guilty, is depressed and wants to leave my friend.
2006-09-01 04:32:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
At this point in time, I think it might be best if the daughter went to live with her dad for awhile. At least until mom gets a grip and maybe some therapy. She is honestly going to push her daughter away from her. She has no right to take out her anger and frustration she has with her ex and his happy marriage on her daughter. She should be glad that her daughter has a loving and caring step mom. And if the daughter needed a bra, why wasn't mom picking up on this before stepmom did? It raises alot of questions about what type of mother she actually is. I'm sorry, but anyway you look at it, this daughter does not deserve to be treated this way. Have a heart to heart with your friend and try your damndest to get her to see the light. It's either that or she loses her daughter...because I can guarantee that is what is going to happen if she continues down this road. Her daughter is old enough to tell the courts where she wants to live. She's also old enough to know that what mom is doing is wrong and that dad is taking a better approach that seems to be working.
2006-09-01 04:58:23 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is taking out the anger she has over her divorce on her child. It is certainly understandable that she would be jealous that her daughter enjoyed the partner and is willing to share her life with them. Even though its natural to feel this way, it is not in the best interest of the child to let her know how bad it hurts. She needs to suck it up, talk yo a close friend about it and not punish her daughter. There is some reason that the daughter is feeling alienated from her Mom and Mom getting mad over this other person is only going to make it worse. The child has nothing to feel guilty about, she just needs to work out her feelings about the situation without interference.
2006-09-01 04:53:07 · answer #2 · answered by Gatorgal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is obviously jealous of her ex-husband's new woman. It is not fair to put the daughter in the middle and make her choose. It sounds like this other woman is treating the daughter well and helping her learn consequences for bad behavior. How fortunate, because it could easily be another way--the woman could hate her daughter and treat her badly. Maybe you could point this out to your friend and help her understand that by liking this other woman, the daughter has not stopped loving her mom. But the mom will end up driving the daughter away by punishing her for innocent acts such as the "first bra" incident.
2006-09-01 04:45:49 · answer #3 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel so sorry for your friend's daughter. I am sure she feels caught between making her mom happy and making her dad happy. Your friend is probably feeling insecure about her position in her daughter's life since it seems like her daughter 'loves' her dad more. It seems like her daughter is trying really hard to make everyone happy. I am sure her daughter was not trying to hurt her by buying her first bra with her dad's partner. But the other woman was out of line by taking her. The 'first bra experience' is a special memory that a mother and daughter should have. But your friend over-reacted with her actions toward her daughter. She should not have blamed her daughter for going shopping with her dad's girlfriend. She is probably just trying to get along with everyone. It may be a good idea for the mom and dad to sit down and designate some guidelines for their daughter, such as shopping and talks. I hope that everything works out for your friend.
2006-09-01 04:40:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell your friend to lighten up and get her priorities straight. The girl should be allowed to go live with her father when her father marries the other woman. Until that time she should not be allowed to sleep overnight over there.
2006-09-01 04:52:49 · answer #5 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is taking her feelings for her exhusband and acting them out with her daughter.
Make your friend aware of what she is doing. Tell her that by taking her feeling out on her daughter she is alienating her daughter and at the same time driving her more towards her exhusband and his new partner.
The mother needs to let her feeling for her exhusband go and get on with her life.
2006-09-01 04:56:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
genuinely genuine! (and infrequently, some fairly solid Italian pasta and tomato sauce would not harm the two!) A reasuring presence, ... a mild while situations are dark, A hand achieving out, ... Is what friendship is all approximately! (author Unknown) "Arivederche Y'all!" ... :)
2016-11-06 05:27:19 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋