May I get some advice about the bible?

Question

May I get some advice about the bible?


I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements
of God's Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians.

Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. If I wanted to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7, in this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is,
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

Answer 1

ROFL
i can't answer you, i just can't stop laughing.

Answer 2

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians.

Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

The Bible says nothing about not buying Canadians, it's just that some people think that Canadians are not as ammenable to slavery as Mexicans are. Don't believe it, a whip is a powerful motivator. Buy Canadian!

2. If I wanted to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7, in this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

It all depends. Is she still a virgin? Virgins command a higher price you know.

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

The problem is that you aren't with your wife who would have no problem helping you to live a life that honors God. Quit sinning by commiting fornication and the other sin will disappear!

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

No, don't smite them! They're probably just hungry and your sacrifice is making them even more so. Invite them over for a burger and you will be fulfilling the law of loving your neighbor as your self!

Answer 3

Do you know how people became slaves in early biblical times? They had a debt that they were unable to pay, so they would go to a place in town. A rich person could pass by and agree to pay their debt. In exchange for this, the person with the debt would have to be a slave for that rich person who paid their price. The bible, however, made it clear that every 7 years (I think) the slaves had to be let free, as that meant the debt was repaid to the rich person. This bible also tells the masters to treat them fairly.
That said, you can start doing some historical research on the other questions and find how your current understanding of those phrases is skewed by our history in america since those verses were written.


Oh yeah, and Jesus didn't take all the laws away, he came and fulfilled them. He showed the reason why they were there in the first place.

Answer 4

I think you need counseling man. Put the Bible down and walk away. WHY would you want to own or sell another human being Canadian, your daughter or otherwise. Of course women take offense to such a personal question. Why waste a perfectly good bull, maybe if you shared it with your neighbors they wouldn't be so offended. AS far as smiten them goes all I can say again is counseling man it'll do you some good.

Answer 5

Oh, so tired...

The Hebrew Scriptures are a vast, varied, and self-contradictory collection of the social mores, history, pseudo-history, prophecy, and apocalyptic of a group of ancient Semites. That doesn't mean that there aren't flashes of light, for example in the social ethos of the prophets, or in the conception that the foundation of the world is not a pitiless, indifferent fate, but a conscious, purposive, loving being. You just have to separate the wheat from the chaff, my friend. You can spend your time mocking ignoramuses, if you like, but it's a bit sophomoric.

Answer 6

"Why can't I own Canadians?" It's not that you cannot own Canadians, but that you cannot own/sell slaves....if you are Christian. You see, the new testament overules the old one so you are out of luck there.
If you are not Christian, then you should consult your local Imam or Rabbi.

"what do you think would be a fair price for her?" Again....please see above.

"The problem is,how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense." Hmmmmm.... Again, I hate to be boring and not much help, but please refer to the first answer.

"The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?" Oh..Jeeze....I am so embarassed..... But once again, I have to sound like a rap record ( or a broken one, same thing right? ) Please refer to answer #1.
Tell you what....if you are Christian, then these questions are moot, but if you are not, why not convert and make life easy for ya.

Answer 7

I DO see the humor in your post, but the the purpose of true education I will attempt an answer..... a serious answer.

First the laws you refered to are part of the Mosaic Law (which included the 10 commandments, of course).

There are approximately 613 of these laws. There were given to the nation of Israel as a whole. These laws were given to set the nation as a true theocratic nation (ruled by God).

Although there are sacrifices that are carried out daily by people that want to be pleasing to God Almighty. They are no literal.
As per the Apostle Paul, note the following:

"Through him (Jesus) let us always offer to God a sacrifice of praise, that is, the fruit of lips which make public declaration to his name. Moreover, do not forget the doing of good and the sharing of things with others, for which such sacrifices God is well pleased."

Also, there are specific notations in the Bible which clearly show that we are no longer under the Mosaic Law, which all of your questions are pointing to.

Ephesians 2:15:

"For his is our peace, he sho made the two parties one and destroyed the wall (Mosaic Law) in between that fenced them off. By means of his fleash he abolished the enmity, the Law of commandments consisting in decrees, that he might create the two peoples (jews and gentiles) in union with himself into one new man and make peace; adn that he might fully reconcile both peoples in one body to God through the torture stake, because he had killed off the enmity by means of himself."

Colossians 2:13,14:
"He kindly forgave us all our trespasses and (14) blotted out the handwritten document (the Mosaic Law) against us, which consisted of decrees and which was in opposition to us; and He has taken it out of the way by nailing it to the torture stake."

The next question that might be asked in light of the above is:
Does doing away with the Mosaic Law, including the Ten Commandments, imply the taking away of all moral restraint?

In short the answer, of course is no, but that would be a completely different question for consideration.

Answer 8

1. Your friend is incorrect. It is perfectly okay to own Canadians, eh.
2. $200 seems a fair price to me. Of course, it depends on age and cooking skills.
3. This is another example of women trying to trick men into going against God's word. Don't talk to women. Ever!
4. Love thy neighbours, I would close thy door.

Answer 9

You are in the dark ages , we are living under the New Covenant . The Old Testament is exactly as it is named , Old . When Jesus came , He put to death all the old ways and now we are living by the New Testament . The Old Testament is now used for example and a sort of history book to believers .

Answer 10

I love how the avid christians completly avoid topics that bring up how ridiculous it is to use the bible in this day and age in a civilised society.

P.S. You forgot the one: I know I am not allowed to touch pig skin, but if I wear gloves can I still play football?

Answer 11

If this is a serious question...then I want you to understand that none of these laws or sacrifices are to be taken to heart since Jesus's presence on earth not to mention his death brought about a new convenavt and set of rules to follow!