What should I do? What would you do?

Question

My wife of 1 year is really upsetting me. She's not the same anymore. I've talked to her time and time again. She's addicted to the computer and pays me no attention. It was never like this when we met but as soon as I started making enough money to where she could be a housewife, all she does it sit on the computer. And whenever she does call me (which isnt often) all she can talk about is how her friends are mad at her or how she needs some money, or anything to relate to money. And when I try and change the subject and talk to her about anything that has to do with "me" she never pays attention. Im 22, attractive, fun and successful. Am I wasting my youth just being a slave to someone who doesnt give me what I need? Should I start looking for a new relationship? What would you do? Please help!!!

Answer 1

Put her computer on your pillow tonight when she comes to bed and go find yourself a real woman.

Answer 2

No you are not wasting your youth. No you should not start looking for a new relationship. this is your wife you are talking about. This is your full time life time commitment. Could it be the romance has died out in your marriage already? Maybe she gets bored staying home or feels useless. This happens to a lot of couples. Try lighting that fire again. Put romance back into your lives. Go out more often to get her out of the house. If she's use to working outside the home, the walls could be closing in on her. Make your days off from work an outing for you and her both that you both can enjoy together. There is nothing better than human contact from the one you love. The computer can't offer any of this. But you can.

Answer 3

If you are starting to think that way now...prehaps there is no hope for your relationship anyways...you REALLY have to try everything you can, and make sure how much of these needs are coming from within yourself and you are blaming her for,remember she is young too...you are both learning as you go (I've been married one year we are 26 and we are still learning...we have been together since we were 15!) things like this come and go...you don't want to throw your whole relationship over it. Do you have children? Maybe if not, your wife could find a part-time job...or volunteer...just to have a life away from the house...she is much to young....and I could see how when you are gone all day...her world turns into something completely different than yours...it makes it hard to focus on you when you get home...she needs to feel like she has a life of her own in order to be able to properly pay attention to you....searching out a new relationship will only destroy the one you have....so if that is where you think you are ultimately going...better just to let her know what you are thinking...or end your marriage and do it the honorable way. If you are 22 you are still young enough to be able to give it another couple years to see if you are able to work out the kinks...without wastin your youth. Good Luck!

Answer 4

I wouldn't look for a new relationship until I fully end the one your in now.

The problem you help make is you let her be a housewife instead of making her be a responsible contributing party to the marriage.

If you work, I don't see why she can't. I see if you have kids and she need to be a stay home mom then she can use the computer for a stay at home business and contribute a income to the household.

These type of marriages are bound for problems and a divorce because only one person is doing a the job in the marriage and you need a 100% investment from both parties not 50%

First, you are a young man with a lot of burden already placed on your shoulder and you shouldn't have to tolerate that and yes you deserve better.

Your wife if she is going to remain with that title need to get herself in order financially and not depend on you fully. What if something happens to you, I would let her know that she need to get a job because her actions are ruining your marriage.

You shouldn't be feeling like your a slave in your marriage you should be feeling like a young man getting the respect he deserve for doing a good job being responsible in this marriage but because your wife want you to provide for her while she sit at a computer, you being beaten down mentally on what to do.

I am glad you at least have the brains to know you have a problem and its heading to get worse if you don't do something about it.

As for meeting someone else, I say please don't destroy a future potential relationship by dragging such person into your marital problems.

If your going to be with your wife, I say fix the problem if not, get a divorce and move on.

Answer 5

Umm, I think you know the answer to this question. It doesn't sound like she works. If not, she's using you. You need to take her out (away from the computer) and have a serious talk with her. Tell her, everything you have told us and mention that if things do not change you will have to end the marriage. It doesn't sound like you have anything to lose. Why keep supporting a leech and what is the gain if you stay with her? I'm not married but my boyfriend of 2 years also spends too much time in front of the PC. I first made sure that he still wanted to continue our relationship and then I told him if the time he spends on the PC is not reduced, I would have to end the relationship because I refuse to compete with a computer just to get his attention. He still spends time on the PC, but not as much....so I'll give him that. But you've got to put your foot down and lay some grounds rules some time or another. Otherwise, she'll just keep using you for your money....and for your computer!

By the way, it doesn't even sound like she's interested in having a relationship with you. She's interested in having a relationship with the computer. Finding other hobbies away from the computer would also be a start. Like when my boyfriend is not on the computer, we would play gards or board games. It might sound corny, but it's a start. Or do things outside of the house like dinners and movies. In my case, it's hard for us to do much because we have a 9 month old. But i'm not sure what's preventing you guys from doing other things.

Answer 6

Certainly move on too someone who gives you what you need and deserve. Life is short! There are many fish in the sea that have much love to give, too that right person. It is to bad that your wife is so self centered. To me it sounds as if she doesn't appreciate what she has. When there is no respect for the other spouse or love show en, your wasting your precious time. Don't do this so called slave relationship any longer. Pack her things and tell her it's over. She will never change because she is the type to use people to get what she wants. Too hell with what the other person feels. You already know, she's show en her true colours towards your interests. Get yourself a real life! Cocoa

Answer 7

You sound like a great guy, and it sounds like your wife is a golddigger who was laying low until you made some money and started being successful........ You are young and still have plenty of time to find the 'right' woman for you, I would let her go, get a seperation that will lead to a divorce and start looking for a new relationship, you are waisting your time and time is too precious to waist these days. I am sorry she changed on you, but most FAKE people do that once they are where they set there goal to be. You deserve someone that genuinly cares about you and how your day is going and that calls you just to say 'I love you and I wish you were here with me for the day'. I hope you find that. If things are ment to be with you and your current wife......... life will find the way to bring you back together later on in life, that is what fate does. If you are unhappy, you have the right to be happy. I hope you find the happiness you deserve and so dearly seek....... good luck and blessed be.

Answer 8

how old is she? that's the tough thing about marrying so young, i think. try counselling (like at a church or something-anywhere). did you know her well enough b4 you guys got hitched? i have a feeling you aren't really that surprised of her behaviour. anyway, give your marraige a fighting chance- try what you guys will--with counselling etc... but if you really think you made a mistake, don't waste all your time trying to change someone who won't change because they don't want to. and don't ever rush into something like this again. divorce is not fun. and to go through more wives isn't fun after, either. you need a good foundation for a marriage..
god bless and hope everything turns out alright.

Answer 9

Sit down face to face and tell her the problem. Tell her that if things don't change back to the way they were, then you'll walk out. Just be gald you've only wasted one year. The relationship is probably hopeless. Sorry. Be thankful there aren't any kids being neglected by her. Get to the lawyer's office and then find you a nice girl that really appreciates you. Take a time before jumping straight into marriage again. Good luck.

Answer 10

22 and married? Well you should have been deeply in love to get married so young...
Anyway, I think that you are spoiling her somehow. Don't give her too much money and why don't you ask her to go and find a job too. She has to work too in order to support your family expenses!
She is kind of lazy I think. She has nothing to do and all she does is sitting in front of the computer and having fun. I think that you should ask her to find a job. In this way she will work, she'll get tired and when she gets home all she needs to relax and feel better is YOU!!!!!
Talk to her and tell her that her behavior is seriously threatening your marriage! Tell that to her SERIOUSLY and FIRMLY!
I don't think that the solution is just finding another girl, you need to sort things out with your wife first!
If you see that there is no way out...then ask her the divorce.
But please, do your best to save your marriage first...if this doesn't work, then you know what is the best choice.

Good luck

Answer 11

Sounds like your wife is suffering from post-wedding confusion. I myself had trouble with this. It is a disease causing the wife to think that her happiness, entertainment, pleasure, etc. all depends on the husband. She needs to realize that she has to be a whole person and make herself happy. Here are some tips for the meantime:
1. decide on a day to fight about money. my husband and i do it on tuesdays. so there's a designated day to fight. stick to it.
2. throw away the computer. we don't really need them and if she is as addicted to it as you say, you will have to toss it to get her out in the real world again.
3. decide between the two of you on a new hobby. people get really bored when they don't have anything to do. keep it interesting. make it fun. Yoga? Kyaking? Book club? Seeing a movie every week?