I'm a Christian. My girlfriend wants an Indonesian traditional wedding, which is elaborate. But I don't agree with converting religion. I love her and suggested Civil Ceremony instead. What do you think?
2006-09-01 04:22:04 · 11 answers · asked by Patrick H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ok, there's a huge red flag here. A big sticking point in alot of marriages is religious beliefs, and it can be a huge dissention point later on down the road. If you have children, what religion will they be raised in? What church/mosque/synagoge do you go to? In this case even, who do you pray to? The cultural differences in many religions can be huge, from the way people dress to what they eat. For people who are devout in their religious beliefs, it's almost incomprehensible to them to do something different. You and your girlfriend need to have a serious talk about this, and make some decisions now. Best of luck to you!
2006-09-01 07:08:10 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that a civil ceremony might be a good idea. Since neither of you want to convert, there is no sense in one of you not having a wedding to your faith.
You could also suggest a blend of the Christian and the Indonesian traditions. Maybe you could still have the civil officiant instead of one religion or the other, but she could wear a traditional dress for her culture, and you could still wear a traditional suit/tux. That way neither of you are left out. Then at the reception, offer a variety of foods to include both of your cultures, and a mix of music. That would include you both and your families.
There is no reason you couldn't blend, even on a tight budget.
Good Luck!
2006-09-01 11:29:31 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it if you don't want to. My boyfriend and I have had the same problem. Bottom line is - if you are having doubts about converting, don't feel like you should be "forced" into it. Or, you cold convert and have her promise to raise your children christian. There are different ways to go about it, but stand strong for what you believe in. A civil service is a good way to go, but she probably wont want that. If you can't decide, postpone or call it off. Probably not what you wanna hear, right? But you will have many more problems down the road (like children) stemming from religious issues that cannot be compromised. Good luck.
2006-09-01 12:36:38 · answer #3 · answered by sour_apple 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you can honor her with her ceremnoy and that you will go thru the motions for her happiness; however, your belief's will not change and that if the love between the two of you is real; then you can respect each other's difference of opinion about each other's belief system. I'm christian, my wife's buddhist; we had a buddhist ceremony; doesn't mean that I converted to buddhism; I recognized that the ceremony was a cultural event that was important to her and respected her wishes in having that kind of marriage ceremony. If it's real, you'll find a way to work it out without having to convert to each other's religion. HOWEVER ! Once, children are in the picture, which religious belief system prevails? Do you teach both and have the child decide what fits into their own belief system or do you impose one religious belief system over the other?
2006-09-01 11:28:47 · answer #4 · answered by goldmedaldiver 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you really love that woman, you will do everything. Changing religion will make the marriage legal. Tell him the truth about your feelings. Just tell him that there are some part of her religion that you can not accept that she must respect it.
Respect each other.
2006-09-01 11:36:26 · answer #5 · answered by rhanz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think it is a big mistake to marry someone with whom you will not share the most important aspect of your life--your spirituality.
If you just convert simply to be in unison with her, then it is not a conversion of the heart. How are you going to deal with the children. My cousin married a Muslim girl and she has basically alienated him from the family. They have children who are being raised Muslim & the cousin had to "convert," or her family wouldn't accept him. you have a hard road ahead!
2006-09-01 11:58:45 · answer #6 · answered by hopscothchbunnies 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes you should convert because Mulisms girls cant Marry anyone who isnt Muslim too thats part of our Religion.
And you cant Marry as many as you want.. You can only Marry 4..
2006-09-01 11:25:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should not have to covert unless you want to. You need to talk to her about that some more. You can't just force someone to convert. It has to be that persons decision.
2006-09-01 11:28:48 · answer #8 · answered by catmenacestop 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dude i have the same problem. She wants me to convert to muslim before i can go out with her. IN the muslim relgion you can marry as many wives as you want
2006-09-01 11:24:08 · answer #9 · answered by unkown 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest that you don't get married. The Bible says:"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" and that is what this girl is. She may be beautiful, she may be intelligent and you may love her BUT. . . you WILL have problems with any children born of this union. You WILL have family problems, financial issues, emotional issues, and many cultural issues. You definitely should NOT convert.
This is a MAJOR problem in the making. You are already seeing a small part of it. Don't get married.
2006-09-01 11:26:41 · answer #10 · answered by snddupree 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋