One of my dearest friends, Ann, is getting married next April. She has a best friend, Mary, who she has known almost her entire life, who we all figured would be her M.O.H.
Yesterday when I was talking to Ann,I had asked her who she was going to have as the MOH, and she said she wasnt sure. That confused me because i know that Mary is her best friend. I asked wasnt Mary going to be the MOH and she said no. When asked why all Ann said was that Mary just didnt fit the part.
After talking a bit- I found out it is because she doesnt think that her friend is very pretty (shes a bit heavy and has facial hair) and doesnt want to put her up on the stage with her since everyone in her bridal party so far looks alike.
I was mad to hear Ann say that- since Mary would do anything for her! I told Ann that she wasnt being fair and it was rude to say such things about someone who cares about her. Am I wrong for that? She has been emailing me all day, but i dont want to talk to her!
2006-09-01 03:56:08 · 29 answers · asked by mixedchick4blkguys 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I will have to say that was very shallow of her to think that and even say that about someone who is supposed to be her best friend. However, no matter what, i would advise you against mentioning any of the conversation with Mary. Let Ann hash it out and try to figure out how she is going to tell Mary herself. Maybe she is having a "bridezilla" moment as some are saying- but in the end it will be up to her to decide what is more important to her.
I am getting married in March and my bridesmaids are different sizes, shapes and races, and they all look wonderful to me- not because of their outside looks, but because they are my closest and dearest friends and they are taking the time to be part of my special day!
The outside doesn't matter much- it is what is inside that really counts. Hopefully Ann will see that and reconsider having Mary in her wedding.
2006-09-01 04:47:31 · answer #1 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I for one give you 2 thumbs up.and say that I think what you did was right.I would have done that two if i were you.I wouldn't let Ann do that Mary either.Just because Mary is a little on the heavy side so what.I'd let Mary be the MOH If i were Ann.But NO Little miss Ann wants to be a total Biotch.and have all her skinny friends up there with her on her big day.I must say that Ann is 100% being rude for not wanting Mary as her MOH just because she's alittle over weight.I hope everything works out. and best of luck
2006-09-01 05:27:04 · answer #2 · answered by Angel sent from heaven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing. Everyone makes such a big deal about having the 'perfect' wedding, when they should really be concerned about having a good marriage. What Ann did, or is thinking of doing, is horribly hurtful - what is she going to tell Mary? That she's too ugly to stand up? Nice. I admire you for standing up for Mary - I wish more people were like you!
2006-09-01 04:00:23 · answer #3 · answered by They call me ... Trixie. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you just found out what kind of person your "dear" friend is. It is her right to have whoever she wants stand up with her on her big day but its obvious that appearance takes precedence over friendship. I can't imagine leaving my best friend out of such an important event in my life. If she is so shallow as to do something so hurtfull to one of the most important people in her life I can only imagine what else she is capable of. I also imagine if the shoe were on the other foot and Mary was getting married and she left her out because she didn't think "she fit the part" she would be very hurt as well. I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to her and when things cool down and you finally do approach the topic I would just explain to her that given the circumstances you don't think she is the person she thought she was. Whether you choose to continue your "friendship" with her or not is up to you but I would certainly understand if you didn't depend on her when you really need a friend.
2006-09-01 04:15:39 · answer #4 · answered by amyclay350 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong for that she is! Either she is a shallow person or she has Bridezilla!(you know, those otherwise good people who become a mad woman planning a wedding) Ask her this, "are you willing to lose a very dear friend over what other people might think?" Because I know if I was that friend I would be very hurt. She could even make this friend get really down on herself about her looks. The friend has to be aware of her issues with the weight and facial and is probably really self conscience about it. She doesn't need someone who is supposed to be such a good friend to make her feel worse. You know people say that men make women compulsive about their looks but it is really other women. Women like your friend.
2006-09-01 04:09:05 · answer #5 · answered by hebe935 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you were wrong to tell Ann that she was being rude, but I think that's about as far as you have any right to take things. Good, bad, or otherwise, the members of the wedding party are pretty much up to the sole discretion of the bride and groom. She's showing her true colors right now, so you have to decide what you want to do with that information.
You probably should talk to her, but if you don't want to right now, that's okay too. Just email her and say "look, I'm not in a good place to talk right now - we'll talk later."
2006-09-01 04:12:42 · answer #6 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's such a shame that a shallow stuck up ***** would treat her "best friend" like that. Mary might have an ovary disorder called PCOS. It causes many physical characteristcs such as weight gain and facial hair, as well as difficulty concieving children. I suffer from the same thing.
I dont' blame you for not wanting to talk to her.
A few years ago, a "friend" of mine didn't invite me to her wedding because i didn't have a boyfriend and she figured I couldn't get a date. She said she didn't want any "single" girls cramping her style.
Brides can be horrible when they are let out of their bag. Good for you for sticking up for Mary. She probably appreicated it!!
2006-09-02 17:22:41 · answer #7 · answered by dazee052 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dear friend Ann is shallow and self-centered. I feel sorry for Mary, because apparently Ann isn't a very good friend.
I imagine that you're shocked to discover what your friend is really like inside, and you have every right to be angry. I mean, if she thinks and says such things about her best friend who'll do anything for her, what does she think and say about you?
Don't talk to her if you don't want to. You aren't wrong here.
2006-09-01 07:20:52 · answer #8 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd say give her the benefit of doubt. She is getting married after all and in situations like that you often paint rosy irrational pictures and make decisions that may not be often well thought through. I dont think its fair to judge her. Its one of the biggest days of her life and she probably has a picture in her mind of how it should be. Besides there may be more to it than meets with the eye with their relationship. I'd say let her make her own decisions and just attend the wedding as a supportive friend. Point to consider would also be "What would your thoughts be if she had chosen you instead of Mary?".....bet you might be a little less judgemental and more understanding then....think about it.
2006-09-01 04:23:59 · answer #9 · answered by sensa 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you did the right thing. It drives me nuts when I heard about brides picking their bridal party for superficial reasons. I would give you Ann time to think about what you said to her and then talk to her. If she's realized that she's wrong on her view I think everything will be alright but if she refuses to see how superficial she's being you'll have to decide if you want to continue being friends with her.
2006-09-01 06:10:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋