Help with my 3 year old son?

Question

my son turned 3 last weekend. I have babied him too much. He still has his pacifier and blanket he wants to carry everywhere. He doesnt take his pacifier to daycare but he must have it at home. The past week he has been getting his back molar and he has been very cranky. Last night he insisted on sleeping in my bed so I gave him some motrin and let him lay with me for a while then I put him back in his bed. A few hours later he is back in my bed again. Is this normal or is he trying to start a new pattern? What should I do?

Answer 1

My advice, having had 3 3-year olds recently (my kids are now 6, 4 & 3) is that he probably won't be using a soother when he graduates highschool......dentists will put the fear of God into you if they find out he's still "using", but if it's for his own peace of mind, personally I don't object. I'd rather see a quiet well-adjusted kid coping with a blanket and soother than a screaming upset one without......


As for the sleeping in with you, if he's happy and you are all resting, that is the most important thing. If no one is sleeping well you may want to make some other arrangement. If he's getting teeth, and they are bothering him perhaps it is more a need for comfort than wanting to create a new sleeping arrangement. Ask yourself, was he happy sleeping on his own before? Did he start off the night in his own bed prior to the teething? Chances are if the answers are "Yes" he will go back to sleeping on his own once this passes.

As a testimonial to the "sleeping in" problem, we have a 4 yr old who always started off in her own bed, but at some point during the night would ALWAYS end up in with us. She just stopped doing it last week. No reason, no encouragement from us; just stopped. My point: Do whatever you are comfortable with. You are not going to "screw him up", or your family, or anything else if you start with the motivation of raising a healthy, happy kid. Lots of people will give you advice. Please be wise enough to choose the bits that seem reasonable and suitable for YOUR OWN family. Best Wishes!!!

Answer 2

He's OK, he is testing you, although you can't recognize that immediatley. I'm still "there". Maybe you'll be suprised if I tell you that a plain restriction on things that he should not be doing works wonderfully. In fact, the restriction method is harder for the parent (The pediatritian opened my eyes). But even a stubborn character as of my child, manages the restrictions well, beyond your expectations. However, it is very much harder to teach him things of the type "how it should be done". An infinite patience is needed there. So, the pacifier -restrict without questions, and be confident about it. The blanket - think of a scary story for the sufferings of the poor blanket. But, a little more patience is needed there. For the sleeping in your bed, you should show him explicitly your disagreement, but propose and do the following: Go to his bed, be with him until he is asleep. If he wakes up and insist on sleeping in your bed, resist, even show him that you are angry at him, and that you do not appriciate that kind of behaviour. Don't fall on the pity he is trying to provoke in you, they can do a master thesis on the method ("How to gain something without my effort and cooperation"). You'll fight about the issue no more then a week or so. Then, he'll understand. Both of you will be happier and less nervous.
However, if you feel that sleeping in his own bed is not that important issue, let him sleep in your bed. Nothing is wrong with it, by my opinion. Maybe he is trying to cope with something , but he can not express his feelings well, as it is expected in that age. Do investigate if something is not right. You should evaluate this situation correctly.

Answer 3

It's normal that he wants to be with you. And 3 year olds are always testing boundaries. If you don't want it to become a pattern you have to let him know that it was a special thing that you let him lay with you that night. But that he has to stay in his own bed tonight.

I can't sleep well when my son tries to sleep with me (he's almost 3) so I tell him that mommy can't sleep when he sleeps with me. When he doesn't feel well, I lay in bed with him for a few minutes or until he falls asleep. But I always tell him that I'm going to go to sleep in my own bed when he falls asleep. Because we all have to sleep in our own beds. Sometimes he cries if I'm only laying with him for 10 minutes. But only for a minute or so. The first few times he cried much longer because he was trying to see if we'd give in. As long as you're consistent, he'll adapt. The hard part is listening to him cry. I always go in every 5-10 minutes to let him know I understand that he's upset.
Incidentally, my son also carries his blanket around. He used to only use it to sleep, but the last 2 weeks, he's been dragging it around the house. I think it's just a stage they go through. I'd suggest trying to break him of the pacifier because I know it can affect they're teeth and speech. My friend just lets her son use the pacifier when he's in his bed for nap and sleep. That would be a good starting point. He's old enough that you can explain things to him a little. Like the dentist says that you shouldn't use you pacifier so much because it can hurt your teeth.

Good luck.

Answer 4

No, you haven't babied him too much. This is normal. Toddlers tend to take two steps up and one step back -- as soon as my 2-1/2 year-old started sleeping in the "big boy bed" (converted crib to toddler bed), he suddenly began to ask for a bottle, something he hasn't used in about a year. They are growing and realizing they have more control over their world, but that can be scary and then they go back to the old comforts. Heck, sometimes I'd like to be taken care of again by *my* mother!
Recommended book: The Supernanny book. She has some great advice in there that has helped us out with some issues like bedtime routines and time outs.
Oh, and pacifiers DO NOT ruin adult teeth.
Good luck!

Answer 5

Oh no. The terrible threes! Every child goes through a fase sometime in their life. This looks like his. You shouldn't start worrying now. If this behavior continues for more that two years however you should start becoming more strict and tell him he is too old to have a pacifier. The blanket isn't really such a problem. I have still have my baby blanket and I'm up there in years. haha
But you shouldn't worry to much. It's normal at this age is all I'm trying to say. My child went through the same thing. Anyway, I hope this information helps you! :-D

Answer 6

you are doing a fine job. try not to let him get into the habit of sleeping with you all of the time. it's hard but you both will be better off. my oldest daughter is 9. i still let her crawl in between if she is scared or not feeling well. i also have a 3-year-old. when she turned three (in May)she was still on the pacifier. she would not give it up! i tried to do it gently and in phases. but that did not work. we had to go cold-turkey. she did surprising well. it only took two nights before she could sleep without it and a few days more before she quit asking for it back. so, good luck.

Answer 7

My step daughter had this problem before I met her. Here's her solution. She cut the blanket in half, burning half. After he was accustomed to that she again cut in half, burn half. She didn't do this while he was home. He wound up with a scrap of blanket the size of a postage stamp and he carried it in his pocket. It is now in a picture frame, which is why I know the story. As for the bed problem she had a lock installed on her bedroom door. He spent many a night sleeping on the floor in the hallway. That got tiring for him and he stayed in his own room. I believe the problem is dependency and enabling. He must learn "to be a man" but not all at once. It took awhile for him to get to this position, it will take awhile to change. Hope this helps or at least gives you some ideas.
Vaya con DIOS

Answer 8

This is normal...he is just not feeling good because of his teeth and wants comfort from you. I would continue doing as you've been and letting him fall asleep with you and then putting him in his bed when he's sleeping. I would try to get rid of the pacifier (gently) to reduce mouth problems later, but he'll give up the blanket when he feels secure without it. Don't worry

Answer 9

I agree with the notion of tough love. Its better to do it now before its too late. My son is 3 and still has a blanky, but his use is limited and he can only bring it to bed. He had his nuk taken away at 2, thats all you have to do is take it away. Taking these things in the morning and keeping them busy is the best way. If he goes to daycare then do it on your days off, that way you know he stays busy. Keep him happy and he will forget all about it after a while. It won't be easy, but if it was they wouldn't need us :D Good Luck :D

Answer 10

Yes it is completly normal. But you need to put a stop to the babying. Otherwise you will wind up with a SPOILED child and that is not good. He is testing you to see if he can get away with it. He will be fine with Motrin and sleeping in his own bed. There is a time for comforting and a time not to. And it's the time not to. What I did for my daughter is I got a deal that you put on your door handle so they can't open it, and put it on the handle into the room and close the door. That way she can't get out to hurt herself and I know she's in her room. But you definately should start putting your foot down with him. I hope I've helped! :)