Surdy wants to know --- Has everyone gone nuts?

Question

Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:-

1/On American Airlines pack of nuts:- Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts (warning : contains nuts)
2/On Nytol Sleep Aid :- Warning: may cause drowsiness
3/On most brands of Christmas lights:- for indoor or outdoor use
4/On packaging for a Rowenta iron:- do not iron clothes on body
5/On Tesco Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) :- do not turn upside down
6/On Boots Children's cough medicine:- do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medicine
7/On a Japanese food processor:- not to be used for the other use
8/On a child's Superman costume:- warning, wearing this garment does not enable you to fly

AND BEST FOR LAST

9/ On a Swedish chainsaw:- warning, do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

AAARRRHHH
Have you any good ones?

Answer 1

a mother classic (well my mom anyway): don't look at me in that tone of voice!

Answer 2

Most of them are just disclaimers so no-one will be stupid enough to sue them, probably has its roots in America, where a chap tried to sue a dr because he said he caught a cold while waiting with ill people in the waiting room! If you eat a Walnot whip, and them ahve a reaction and try to sue, at least they can say that you were warned, and you can't claim that you didn't realise that walnuts were nuts. Same reason that a lot of bakery products, even though they don't contain nuts, state made in a bakery where nuts are used. Legal get out for the manufacturers

Answer 3

Oh dear, VERY good question!
i often wondered, too, why on any, say, pastry you buy off Tesco or Sainsbury's (and not just these two), especially something called "rich creamy eclairs with walnut topping" they always have to put a warning that this dessert contains "milk proteins, wheat, sugar, and NUTS"?????? All right, it it were almonds i could assume there are nutters who don't know that almonds are in fact nuts. but why go to such extremes, anyway?
tell me, if you were allergic to wheat, would you buy pastry at all???
In fact, after all those exclamation marks in bright yellow triangles you see on food packaging every day, when i once went to hampton court and saw such an exclamation mark on slippery steps, i was going to cry out - what, nuts HERE as well????

actually about the funniest thing of this kind i've ever seen was... a user guide to a hammer!! If i manage to find it before your question expires, i'll surely put it up here

Answer 4

I think this all began when a guy scalded his feet after following the instructions on a tinned sponge pudding which read "Stand in boiling water for 10 minutes"!

Answer 5

Funny

Answer 6

On the advert for crunchy nut cornflakes a man rides his dog home from work and it actually says on screen do not try this with your own dog!!!!

Answer 7

Charcoal Starter: Warning this product is flammable.

Answer 8

On anti-depressants:
Uncommon side effects: May cause feelings of euphoria
Common side effects: May cause feelings of depression.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! True though!

Answer 9

On a lecturer-warning, may give you servere headaches or bad grades

Answer 10

Dont eat the yellow snow

Answer 11

Deep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel. "Hmmm" says the bear to the squirrel, "Do you find that sh** tends to stick to your fur?"

"Yes it does" replies the squirrel.

"Neat!" says the bear, and wipes his ar*e with the squirrel.