My boyfriend of three years has this girl he calls a friend that has made it quite public that she wants to be his girlfriend and would do anything for him. He still talks to her almost everyday and doesnt think anything is wrong with that because they are "just friends" and she knows this. I beg to differ. she said she wants him more than anything she has ever wanted. Am i wrong for being upset that he talks to her almost everyday? And if they aren't talking they are texting. He says he never sees her and that he is with me and i shouldnt be so insecure but i dont think i'm an insecure person. i know that if i was talking to some guy that was obsessed with me he'd have a fit. also this is the girl he goes running to when we fight. he's made out with her twice when we were broken up he didnt have sex with her because he said he knew he would have felt bad about it. i just dont know what to do...
2006-09-01 01:37:08 · 35 answers · asked by jancegreen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What would happen if you were to announce that two can play at that game? Ask him how HE would feel if you had a "friend" and he made it clear that he liked you and would do anything to be with you...? Ask him if that also would be a matter of insecurity for him if he felt slighted.
It isn't a matter of insecurity as he claims. It's a matter of respecting the one he's with.
Suggest that perhaps HE is the one who is insecure and needs the attention of that girl.
Finally, ask him if he wouldn't feel as though he was not being given the due respect of exclusivity if you were always with another guy texting you and always being with you while he's not around.
Perhaps in three years he's lost interest in you? Perhaps it's time to move on? Maybe he just doesn't know how to "end" it with you? Consider that, too.
2006-09-01 01:49:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe u need to leave him and stop waisting ur time.. if ur his girl then u should come 1st no matter what and it seems he is telling u whatever to shut u up and then entertaining this other chick on side w/phone calls, txts, and probably even visits that u don't know about...
u have a right to be insecure because of the way he is tryna play the field... what could they possibly have to talk about? then they made out while u and him were on a break? why did u take him back? he's telling u they didnt' have sex, but that don't mean they didnt'?
u need to sit him down and let him know how this is affecting u, ur relationship and why ur insecure.. u need to let him know that this girl is competition and that it's plain ole disrespectful for him to keep in contact w/her.. she wants him and she's coming between ur relationship and he's allowing it, u should be all the friend he needs and if it ain't nothing like he says it isn't then ask him to see all the txs that he's rec'd and sent to her..... now if he still keeps this up then u need to leave him...
it's obvious that ur not doing that much about it and that's why he continues to do it.. let him know ur serious and leave him and don't look back if u have to.....
he'll probably run to her anyway...
2006-09-01 01:48:58 · answer #2 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no way in heck I would allow my boyfriend to communicate with some woman who obviously has the hots for him!! By him calling you insecure means that he is being unreasonable and making excuses as to why he should keep talking to his friend. This is not the way a couple is supposed to work. What he's doing is inappropriate and very unhealthy for a relationship. You told him how you felt, and basically he brushed you off. This guy does not respect you. He should not be calling, texting or communicating in any way with anyone of the opposite sex in the first place and you're letting him get away with him. You need to lay some grounds rules and sternly let him know what you will and will not put up with...and this is one of them! Either he sever all and any ties that he has with this girl, or he will run the risk of losing you as a g/f. He's already risking the relationship in the first place by keep talking to her...and every day?!? No way. Tell him that you are not in a competition with this other girl and that you refuse to allow him to keep talking to her. Either he will stop talking to her, or he will tell you you're over reacting. If he tells you you're over-reacting, I would leave him because he doesn't respect your feelings. You have every right to be angry and have every right to insist that he stop talking to her.
2006-09-01 01:59:06 · answer #3 · answered by melcar12345 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jance, just asking, you already know. I don't know what age you are, but I would send him a text message and say:
I have spent 3 years with you. I do not appreciate your friendship with this girl knowing she wants you. I will not discuss it anymore. We are done. I am moving on because you apparently do not value my feelings and prefer to increase her feelings for you instead of mine.
Go somewhere where you can meet guy friends. Start by being busy. Do not answer his calls. He has her, right? Do not be home when he KNOWs you are.. if you have been dating 3 years, he knows your routine. I would make it hard to find me. Go to a movie. Go swimming at the YMCA for an hour (talk to the lifeguard) whatever it takes, he will wise up .. or you are better OFF without a player.
he is enjoying the attention of two women... don't kid yourself.
If you two were to break up, like RIGHT NOW if you text him what I said, he'll lean on her and be physical. He's using her and you.
2006-09-01 01:46:02 · answer #4 · answered by JustMe1962 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's got to let her go. They very well could be friends and just that, BUT... she wants him.... she's made that clear. He's not seeing a problem with it... guys minds just aren't wired right some times.... Next time this happens... sit him down and ask him how he's feel if you talked to some guy who really wanted you all the time. Let him know that you're not willing to "share" him with a girl who wants to steal him from you. Doesn't mean he has to ignore her, just stop calling and texting her back. If he can't respect this, and you've made it very clear that it's bothering you, then take it as a sign of things to come and prepare yourself to move on.
2006-09-01 02:00:25 · answer #5 · answered by rachael 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be mad as hell! If he really cared about you he would not talk or text her daily. He knows she wants him and it is probably a turn on for him and an ego boost.
The girl he runs to when you fight, Honey why haven't you called it quits. And you believe him when he tells you he did not have sex with her when you 2 broke up?
Be there heard all of the crap you are saying,he is a liar, classic want my cake and eat it to!
Either set things straight with him or dump his a@@ and move on to find a real man who does not need to play games. He is they one who insecure because he has probably cheated on you and will again with his"friend" as soon as you fight again.
2006-09-01 01:45:17 · answer #6 · answered by hummingbird 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be upset. Your boyfriend is keeper her on the side going as far as he is allowed to with her so that he can still keep you, too. To have a relationship with someone means that you only want them and no one else. Sounds to me like he wants you both, especially since you said he made advances toward her and kissed her while you were broken up. This isn't something he would have done if he only wanted to be her "friend".
2006-09-01 01:47:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sexy cool confidence in a woman wins everytime. She wants you to blast off and look unstable so don't do it. Be cool. What will be, will be. Don't be insecure. Listen to your gut ad watch what his actions are versus his words. Be rational in your approach and if you believe yourself then tell him and move on or out of the way. That's how I would say it, "Not gonna play your game, moving out of the way." Start working on your second string. Keep a pair and a spare in your back pocket to let him know you have options as well. That will stir things up!
2006-09-01 01:44:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like you got yourself in a lose lose situation. I would say you definitely have the right to be mad. If I were you I would say that it is ok to be friends with her, but the whole talking and texting everyday is not going to fly. Tell him that he needs to choose, either the wh*** who needs to keep her paws and her thoughts off your man, or YOU. If she was a decent person she would have kept her mouth shut and let things play out. If he says that he will not discontinue talking to her, then tell her your done. You shouldnt have to compete with another girl, especially when he is YOUR MAN!!!
2006-09-01 01:55:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its human to be upset. This situation gives you every right to be. It seems as though he is keeping her around as backup.
True they may be friends, but she wants more. He wants you but at the same time wants to keep her around and that's not being fair to any of you. He may not know but he is playing with her emotions and he shouldn't be doing that. He is in the wrong and should cut off communication with her. Unless she decides to accept both of you all friendship and move her heart to someone else. Hook her up with somebody maybe she'll forget about your boyfriend.
2006-09-01 01:43:58 · answer #10 · answered by Chuck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋