Parents - do you believe in spanking for discipline? Were you spanked (strapped/caned/etc) when growing up?

Question

I would be interested to know how widespread / rare CP and spanking is in the home nowadays.

Also in different culutres and countrie.

Answer 1

I am a white female in the USA. I was spanked a few times when I was growing up. I believe that it is definitely overused now-a-days but I do believe that there is a time and a place for spankings as a last resort.

Answer 2

I believe in trying other forms of discipline. My mother spanked me and I didn't learn from it. What I did learn from was positive reinforcement (whan it was applied). That is what I'm using for my daughter who had been neglected and abuse by her birthmother and this is what I'm starting to do with my 2 year old son. Of course there are consequences - I'm not totally against ANY punishment when it is called for but I really believe that kids learn better when you make a big deal about the good things that they do.
Many people will equate 'no spanking' with 'no discipline'. That is not the case. A spoiled child is one whose parent will not discourage bad behavior at all with any method. These are the children who as toddlers, the parents just sit and laugh when a child bites another child or yells at an adult. Or the parent is totally oblivious to the child's actions. It is a child with no disciplne - positive or negative.

Discipline is any training intended to produce a specific character or pattern of behaviour, especially training that produces moral or mental development in a particular direction. It is a widely held belief that most people, even those disinclined to harm others or themselves, lack discipline. [citation needed]
Discipline, while often thought to be a coercive mechanism, can be a collaborative process of building consensus regarding accepted behavior within institutions and society.

edited to add: I'm in northeastern U.S.

Answer 3

It really depends on the child and what the child is doing/not doing. When my son was younger, all I had to do was raise my voice to him or threaten him with a time-out and he'd straighten up 99% of the time. By contrast, I have a very willful daughter who didn't mind well when she was younger, so she got spanked quite a bit. See, a lot of parents make the mistake of believing that children can be reasoned with. They can't, not until they reach the age of 8 or so. The important thing I've found is to set rules and boundaries and stick to them. You won't be an effective parent if you threaten a certain punishment and don't deliver. In my case, time-outs were used most often, but one firm rule I have is any time either of my children tell me or my wife "no" they get a spanking. Children need to know that the parent is the boss, and that's why there are so many unruly children in the U.S. -- the parents can't be bothered to exercise any measure of discipline whatsoever, so the children learn very quickly that they can manipulate their parents by screaming and throwing tantrums. I don't tolerate that, and my children know it. That's why they don't try it. That's also why they're very well-behaved.

Answer 4

i think that most of the spanking only teaches violence. Most people spank when they are very angry. So in reality the punish er is venting their emotions onto the child. when a parent is very angry it is good to have a cool down period and think what the most appropriate punishment would be. I was spanked constantly as a child for everything. I remember it to this day. I HATE it. My children were only spanked a handful of times and I can say that my children are not stifled, and they also back off and think when they are mad. It's not right to take out such a strong emotion on a little one.

Answer 5

There's a difference between spanking and a beating. Spanking is a bare hand swat on clothed rear end. If you use a belt, cane, or any device other than bare hand, I consider it to be a beating. And spanking should be reserved for when all other means of dicipline have failed, and the child knows what he/she is doing is wrong at the time they do it. Also, spanking doesn't have to go beyond a single swat on the butt. The child understands, and more than one swat doesn't do any good. Out of three boys I raised, only one had to be spanked, and he only got spanked once. One time, one swat, bare hand to clothed butt. He didn't cry because it didn't hurt, just stung. I was spanked growing up, with belt and flyswatter to clothed butt. It didn't do any good since I already knew I messed up and wasn't going to do it again. And it wasn't held in reserve as a last resort, when all other methods had failed. But it also wasn't a common occurance either.

Answer 6

I am in England and am in my mid-40s. I occasionally got my bottom spanked by by parents up to the age of maybe 9 or 10. I think it was probably good for me - it certainly did not do me any harm. I don't have children myself but if I did I would not totally rule out the occasional smack across the bum but it would be very much the exception rather than the rule.

Answer 7

I was a small, sensitive child, who at 7 years old was strapped by my father for taking some money from an old pervert who lived nearby (he dealt with the pervert later, too). He threatened me with and sometimes used the belt on me up until I was about 14 yrs old. It was never meted out in anger. Once, when 11yrs old, I went all day at school, knowing I was in for a good hiding after tea, for stealing sixpence. My mum was against it and used to jump in the way, to shield me. My father was a strict Moslem, my mum an Englishwoman. In his culture this is how they discipline children. Being the eldest, I seemed to have got more than my fair share. I wasn't even a naughty child, really. He threatened to "cut off my fingers" if I stole, or "cut out my tongue" if I lied. It was cruel and wrong and led to low self esteem and lack of confidence in me. However, I think in the long term, it actually had the opposite effect of keeping this girl down; it toughened me up, and probably made me the outspoken, political, anti-patriarchal female I am today.

My mum never hit us and I never needed to smack my own children. I used natural voice control over my offspring coupled with reason. My children were never naughty. They were well behaved, had manners and I could take them anywhere.

Answer 8

Spanking is on a case to case basis and only parents can decide how to discipline their kids. Some kids need to get spanked for one reason or another. I think when a child answers back disrespectfully or is very rebellious and hurt other siblings - I'd do more than just spank the living daylights out of him. It also depends on the age of the child in question. Younger kids often test their limits and become naughty. If at first parents already discipline their kids at a young age - the need to spank or cane would be useless. But if a child is super spoiled and bratty - an occasional spanking or caning is required. I slapped my 15 year old daughter once because she cursed at me for not putting enough credits into her cellphone. I took back the cellphone after I slapped her silly. She's learned since that time.

Answer 9

No I don't believe in spanking this teaches children to hit when they can't control themselves.
I was open handed smacked around the face when younger and hated my parents for it, I still carry some resentment and I'm 35.
I live in Australia and believe communicating will solve issues.
I have a 5 year old daughter and have never smacked her once she is a very good girl.

Answer 10

I'm a caucasion from the US. My mother spanked, my father beat. I wasn't going to do that to my kids...well, I wasn't.
I found that you can't always reason with kids. Yes, I was a spanker, it got results. Time out doesn't work, neither did grounding (all by itself). One of my kids required more spankings than the other. Neither are physically nor emotionally scarred. They both have told me on several instances that they will raise their kids the same. They've seen and I've seen as well, kids who weren't spanked. I believe there is a difference. My sister, for instance, spanked her 2 older kids, they are respectable and hard-working adults now. Her youngest she didn't spank, she "talks to him". Well, since he knows that there are no "serious" repercussions, he gets away with alot. During discussions, he zones out. He certainly isn't on his way to being the upstanding citizens that his sisters became!

Answer 11

I was spanked now and again when I was little, but only if I was very naughty and couldn't be reasoned with. It didn't do me any harm and I grew up with great respect for my elders (unlike many kids today).I think spanking has its place in discipline, but should not be done in anger. It would also depend on the child. Spanking is not always the best option for discipline.