I am looking for a way to open someone's eyes?

Question

My wife is leaving me and I know that if I can just keep her from drifting away and sit down to talk about our issues we will be ok. But her parents have a strong hold on her and keep pressure on to just walk away from me and stay tight to them. I only want her to actually stop and give "us" a chance to work out our issues.

Answer 1

One thing that all relationships have is a beginning and an end. Yours is no different.

What you have to do is first look honestly at your relationship and figure out its strengths and weaknesses. Do this not only from your point of view, but hers. Obviously, there is a reason her parents have such an influence on her. If she were truly happy, then her parent's opinions wouldn't carry any weight.

One thing that causes couples to drift apart is differences in goals for the relationship. What, exactly, do you expect from this relationship and what does she expect? If you two want different and contradictory things from this relationship then you'll drift apart. Perhaps there is something about this relationship that is not meeting some of her needs. Perhaps she thinks it is going in a direction contrary to her expectations for the relationship.

That said, you are on the right track as far as trying to open up lines of communication. If you had more communication earlier on, you probably wouldn't have to let her give "us" another chance. You and her would both know exactly where you stand as a couple and what the options are for working out issues. Better late then never, though. If you had better communication with your wife, she wouldn't be as influenced by her parents. Apparently, they have better communication with her than you do, and keep those lines of communication open with her better than you do. Perhaps you should take a lesson from them on how to communicate with her.

Finally, you have to really be honest with yourself about the relationship. Also, make sure you gets your affairs in order in case it comes to the worst. Document everything. Clean up debt and define what's hers, yours and both.

Answer 2

Hello,
I do relate to your dilemma. However one has to equally consider the factor of her prospective, motivation and/or tolerance threshold.

As for "open someone's eyes?", if one succeeds does not mean that the open eyes will give insight to the causes of or even the problem. As part of one song, "when you look up at the sky at night, you can see the stars but still can't see the light">.

It may be a matter of her not mature/confident/independent enough to cut the apron strings. In which case she should not have married in the first place.

Even tho she "MAY" have a fractured ego, one must consider what factors that occurred to make her withdraw from you and cling to her parents.

I know it may be difficult, try sitting down with your wife and the parents to explore and find all prospectives of each other and possibly learn the little/small but important factors/catalyst of all.
It would be very important, should this happen, is NOT to point fingers or accusations. You(all) goal is to find/learn answers so focus the meeting on asking questions and then active listening.
Good luck, keep a cool head, be prepared to accept the worse while hoping for the best.

Answer 3

I feel for you, my friend. Sounds to me like she has to make a choice between you and her parents, and if they have the strong hold on her that you say they have, the chances of you being able to work things out with her are not good. If this has been going on for a while, chances are she has been talking to her folks about your marriage problems and they have been encouraging her to leave you all along. You shouldn't give up, however. Keep trying. Tell her EVERY DAY that you want to work things out and you're willing to sit down and go over all your issues. Just go into this with your eyes wide open and realize she may end up leaving you no matter what you say or do. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

I'm really sorry to hear that. My partner and I have literally just gone through the same thing (i.e. Wednesday!). My family had a really strong hold over me, even resorting to telling me lies about my partner to get me to leave him.
Thankfully this week, I made it clear I would not tolerate that kind of behaviour from them. It was hard as I looked to them and thought they were the ones who were always right.
There are a lot of different circumstances, as the way I was brought us was probably very different to your wife, but my boyfriend has remained strong and supportive throughout. He despises my parents now because of the way he was treated but he put his feelings aside until I made sense of the situation myself. Don't get me wrong, he let me know where I was going wrong but I couldn't allow myself to believe my parents were really like that.
I think you just have to be strong for your wife. Be there for her no matter what. And take a step back - let her see what she would lose if she lost you (that's how my boyfriend eventually made me see). If she loves you, and I mean really loves you, she'll come back to you.
Remember that saying, you can't cage something beautiful, you have to let it fly free and find it's own way home..

Answer 5

If you tell her exactly what you just said in your question hopefully THAT will open her eyes, that you do want to make it work.

But at some point you will have to address the issue with her parents - why do they want her to walk away from you? Surely they want her to be happy. Maybe you need to befriend them so they have some reassurance that they will still be a part of your/her life etc.

Answer 6

do you know what the issues are that she is leaving you? maybe she is vulnerable and needs her family's support and her vulnerability renders her unable to deal with the issues alone with you? were you supportive enough of her. best thing to do is let her do what she needs to do and show her that you still care for her rather than trying to force yourself on her. show her you care by writing to her and sending cards etc even if you cannot see her or call her. if she still wants to be with you after a period of separation consider yourself lucky and go all out to make the relationship work.

Answer 7

write her a letter - its easier to read through everything and not speak without getting your brain in gear first. be 100% honest and open about how you feel about her and the situation and where you see the relationship going now. if she doesn't respond her heart is not in it and you can't fight it anymore - it will only work if you are both on board. if she does respond then great maybe you can both work on it together. good luck

Answer 8

It is really none of her parents business unless you are beating up on her etc..but if that is in fact what is going on.,..voluntariy go to some anger management classes, parenting, if you have kids..and tell her you would be willing to seek counseling and do anything to make things better. and you will do these things if you are sincere Good luck..

Answer 9

i feel for you i had a similar experience years ago with my now ex wife her parents were the same if your wife is influenced by her parents it becomes hard to win that battle.all i can say is don,t give up i hope you succeed good luck

Answer 10

I dont suppose that this is the first time that this has happend , so if i was you pal i,d let it go. If you try to hard you will scare her off. Let things cool for a while, then if shes interested shell come back.