The woman bartender works nightly at the bar next to our business. She is a widow...lost her husband a couple of years ago. I'm considered very attractive...in my midfifties, and she's the same age/overweight too. She brings "home cooked meals" to my husband frequently...everyone sees this and its caused some embarrassment for me. A few days ago she brought in some "slop" for him & gave him a rather long hug before she left to tend bar. We've been married 25 years and I'm trying to understand this all. This widow tells me"I don't have Nobody to cook for anymore." then smiles. She is not attractive at all. I don't consider her a threat, but would like to say the right words for her, to make her back off. My kids are perplexed by her also.
Any ideas out there?? Thanks!
Also, whenever I do go to this bar with my husband...she acts kind of goofy towards me, and discourages me from coming back in there when she's working.Do you think I have an over active imagination or what
2006-09-01 00:54:26 · 21 answers · asked by hillaryc59bc 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I agree...the best way to a man's heart is through is stomach. He even criticizes HER cooking sometimes to me. What the "H" is going on her. Do you think he's encouraging her? She brags "I'm the best cook. The best psycolosigst "blah, blah,blah. blah.
2006-09-01 01:01:23 · update #1
She brags "I'm such a good cook. I'm the best psycologist "blah, blah, blah. She loves to gamble and so does he. Being in a business...this is embarrassing. People do talk.
2006-09-01 01:03:48 · update #2
THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE GOOD ADVICE SO. I HAVE TRIED EVERY SUGGESTION SO FAR THAT YOU ALL HAVE GIVEN ME. BUT NOTHING HAS WORKED. OCTOBER, MY HUBBY AND I WILL BE MARRIED 25 YEARS. MAYBE I SHOULD THROW A PARTY FOR THE 2 OF US, AT THE BAR AND NIGHT THAT SHE IS WORKING THEN. And I am a very nice & fun person to be with.
2006-09-01 01:28:46 · update #3
Honey... He is playing away from home...
Looks are a factor but technique wins everytime.
Maybe she is doing something for him you aren't or can't
Talk to your hubby now - tomorrow may be too late
2006-09-01 00:58:45 · answer #1 · answered by Ade 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't get too comfortable in the fact that she's not good looking. Sometime's another woman will offer to do things that the wife won''t do, making her more desirable than a prettier wife is. I'm not talking about cooking, either. Given you/your husbands age, mid-life crisis' can motivate a man to seek out something new and different, in the bedroom. The fact that she tries to discourage you from being "the 3rd wheel" when you're all together should be a warning to you. She IS after him, and remember, there are ways to make up for lack of good looks. Personally, I would suggest you confront this woman, without your husband present, and let her know that you will not tolerate her behavior. Just be polite and tell her that there are plenty of SINGLE men out there to pursue, and your husband shouldn't be on her list. Hope this helps.
2006-09-01 01:07:08 · answer #2 · answered by New Rider of the purple sage 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's playing games. So what if she's "ugly" in your shallow eyes? She can cook and you're not. You better crack open a cookbook. Don't you know the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? It's not just the eyes, hon.
You can find a nice man for her or tell her that you are sorry for her loss and while you appreciate the effort she has put into cooking her meals, she is to be aware that she is cooking for your husband and that he is already married, thank you. No more meals, no more hugs, no more calls, no more visits. There will also be no more visits to her bar. If she does not understand this, tell her calmly that you can take care of your own husband and she needs to find her own.
Suggest she should need to focus her efforts elsewhere by serving her food to the disadvantaged at the local shelter.
2006-09-01 01:06:12 · answer #3 · answered by brilliantyetconfused 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you're thinking it....from what I have read I would say something to the both of them. To your husband, be sure to not accuse because if nothing is going on...you get my drift. To her, I would definately put her in her place. Let her know that she needs to back off and go cook for someone else or go get a job as a cook. Even though she's fugly, that isn't going to stop her from trying to get what she wants...never underestimate the fugly...they've honed other skills that will be appealing to the opposite sex.
2006-09-01 01:08:27 · answer #4 · answered by slimm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How is your husband acting? I think you AND your husband need to tell this woman to back off. If your husband is not willing to do that, then I'd sit back and watch very carefully. If you don't have any proof of anything going on, then you don't won't to look like an idiot, so I would just sit back and just watch without being noticed.
2006-09-01 01:06:26 · answer #5 · answered by tracy211968 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck and quacks like a duck--it is not a snake--it is a duck.
Personally, I would tell my husband that he has a choice:
he can:
A. tell her to stop, including bring the meals
or
B. you will
His choice is who is going to do it.
Do not stick you head in the sand on this one. We just can't be nice all the time, sometimes we have to risk being thought of as the B.
I am reminded of a line from the movie Delores Claiborne---sometimes being a B is all a woman has left to hold on too...
Remember men find strong women attractive....don't let fear hold you back on this one.
Dr. Phil is correct on one thing: we teach people how to treat us....
2006-09-01 01:03:42 · answer #6 · answered by ms_books3736 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She probably doesn't have as horrid of an attitude as you seem to put off. "She's not attractive, I'm so much better than her." Listen to yourself. Men don't always cheat for physical reasons, and women don't always cheat for emotional reasons. Whether she's a "threat" or not, you could be the most attractive woman in the world, but if you have vinegar for an attitude, you're nothing more than a sex toy to any man.
2006-09-01 01:05:30 · answer #7 · answered by sovereign_carrie 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She's got a crush on hubby, but I doubt he feels the same. Either way, I don't blame you for being irritated about it!
Just tell her you'd appreciate it if she would stop bringing food over for your husband as you are his wife and prefer to take care of his meals yourself.
2006-09-01 01:04:59 · answer #8 · answered by Avid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just say ... don't you think it's about time you get out there and find someone of your own to cook for.. i mean i also need a person to cook for that's why i went out of my way to make a family of my own if you really want come have dinner at my house some time... She won't sounds like she's trying to fill your shoes be very care full of her could be psycho!
2006-09-01 01:03:02 · answer #9 · answered by Don't get me started 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know what my sick mind would do if another woman was to be so kind and cook for me to feed my husband, when she'd bring over her slop... I'd spiked it with some laxative before my man ate that crap. lol. Oh and I'd make sure that he knew it was from HER.
2006-09-01 02:05:10 · answer #10 · answered by ღсяаՀу∙թіхіе∙ժմѕτღ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about how this makes you feel, and find out what he thinks about it. You have the right to ask her to stop bringing him dinner. There are other places she could bring dinners, like a homeless shelter. Be careful, looks aren't everything. Mid-life crisis? Maybe she's filling an emotional need of his. Talk to him, find out what interests him, go out on a "date", rediscover each other. Best of luck!
2006-09-01 04:00:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋