my long term partner and the mother of my child is thinking of moving away with her family as they are all moving about an hour away. i understand that she needs her family around her as they are very close and she is a young mum. we have been together for four years but i don't want to go with her because i am also close to my family. she says that if she goes then she will have nothing to fall back on and that if i went with her i would always have a room at my mums if it didn't work out ( she doesn't have that option because she will be taking our son with her) am i being selfish not going with her? should i go with her?
2006-08-31 22:49:38 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
we do live together at the moment by the way.
2006-08-31 22:57:40 · update #1
You got her pregnent, so u have got responsibilities. Stop being selfish and look after your family!
2006-08-31 22:52:18 · answer #1 · answered by David S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your between a rock and a hard place! its a bit of both if you go shes the one being selfish forcing you away but if you dont go then your being selfish!
I do think you should be with your child its the most importent thing for the child!!
Anyway at the end of the day its only an hour away so you can go back to visit your family any time!!!
2006-09-01 05:57:25 · answer #2 · answered by peterpeterpeter1981 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its hard to say without knowing the ins and outs of the relationship. i think you need to have a chat and seriously decide what you both want. if you cant aggree on somewhere you both want to be then maybe its not meant to be. a relationship is 50/50 give and take. but if neither of you is willing to compromise theres not much hope.
as for having a child together it is NOT a reason to stay together. you dont have to give up on ur child just because you arent together.
if you go and ur heart isnt in it, and likewise if she stays there could be a lot of resentment and ultimately it will be the root of a lot of problems.
if you love each other then you have to try and come to some sort of compromise. because if you plan to stay together then surely you are each others future?
2006-09-01 06:41:17 · answer #3 · answered by firefly85 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you both need to sit and talk about what you both really want, you have a son between you. This is now a 'new' family. You, her, your son. Her parents and your parents are now 'extended'family, somewhere to go and visit, somewhere to get help and advice, family get togethers etc; You have a family you have created yourself, decide if this is what you want and then do what it takes to help it grow and flourish.Good luck, I moved all over the country several times, with our children, following my husband when he had to work elsewhere, we lived out of boxes and suitcases etc; but ultimately we were happy together, and between us we kept OUR family unit. Now our kids are growing fast and will be moving on themselves, this is life.
2006-09-01 06:06:12 · answer #4 · answered by pottydotty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like you said its an hour away so you could give it a trial run and see how it go's. But by the sound of what you have said go with her and your family will be they for you if it does not work and you could start to think about making your own plan's to being together....
2006-09-01 06:07:18 · answer #5 · answered by sandra+3... 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's not being fair in asking you to make all the sacrifices, but nor should you expect her to make sacrifices for you. Relationships are all about compromise, so talk to her. In my opinion it would be better if both of you tried to become independent from both families and started making one of your own, instead of being part of a big family. That way you can work out your problems without having either side getting involved or influencing the other.
2006-09-01 07:50:41 · answer #6 · answered by Alice M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it does not sound very committed on either parts as you are not living together. if you were would this question arise ? An hour is not far to travel. both of you need to sit down and talk about this as at some point you will both have to cut the apron strings. what about moving to some point in the middle of both families ?
2006-09-01 05:55:20 · answer #7 · answered by honeypot 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not being selfish, you need to look after yourself too. If she was fyrther away then I might make an issue of you not being there for your son but they'll only an hour away so you can see them quite easily. Relax, you're doing nothing wrong.
2006-09-01 06:32:58 · answer #8 · answered by T M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dated this woman (girl) for 4 year. You made a baby with her. Both of you are more concerned with living with your parents than you are with taking responsibility for your actions, and working to build a life together? When adults are in a relationship, they make each other, and their children, the focus of their relationship. Stay with your parents, and let her stay with her's. You both sound like you're too immature, and too disinterested in each other, to be able to raise a child properly. Her parents will be the ones raising your child. I only hope they do a better job of instilling independence with your child than they did when they raised their daughter.
2006-09-01 06:00:29 · answer #9 · answered by IAINTELLEN 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why cant you just stay where you live at the moment.You can always visit her family at the weekends.You and her are a family now and you have to make your own decisions as a family.Id try and put this to her,if shes adamant about going then i think you shud go with her only if you dont have a job or anything to stay for.
2006-09-01 06:06:15 · answer #10 · answered by lovely girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family is imprtent but if shes write go with her and then if it doesn't work out go to mums.She needs her family just as much u need ur but think of u son
2006-09-01 06:01:12 · answer #11 · answered by shorty60ee9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋