We had a miscarriage early on, and fear for our disappointment should it happen again, but moreover, we waited until we were in our mid-30's to even get married for the first time, let alone have kids. We love the idea that our life is our own... that we can travel at will when we have the chance... that if we are off together we never need consult a babysitter to have "our" time. It terrifies me that, even should I have a child tomorrow, that I would be in my 50's with a kid in junior high school! Heck, my parents are in their late 50's, early 60's now, and I'm nearing 40. I love my ADULT relationship with my own parents... I'm afraid I wouldn't make it to that point with my own kids. I love the idea of a child, but the reality is, I don't know if realistically- even though people do have kids every day at my age- if it is something that my wonderful, fun hubby and I should really do. Financially, I suppose we'd be fine, but are kids REALLY worth it? Should we have at least 1?
2006-08-31 21:45:40 · 11 answers · asked by Kate D 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
The only person who can really decide if a child is REALLY worth it is you. You'll get a lot of opinions here but ultimately this is your decision and you have to look within you to decide what is right for you and your husband. Are you ready to dedicate the next 20 years of your life to raising a child? You'll be rearing a child when most people are in their retirement years. I'm not saying that is a bad thing it is just something to consider. Is that how you want to spend those years? Do YOU think a child is worth it? Do you want to give up your current lifestyle? I have to say that from what you wrote it sounds to me like you're really set in your ways and you really like the way your life is now. Are you willing to disrupt that? I'd almost say you sound like someone who is considering a child but deep down doesn't really want to do it. Not that you don't like children but you are content with the way things are. Are you content? Are you willing to change? There is nothing wrong with NOT having children. Many couples lead very fulfilling lives without ever having children. This is a very tough decision. You have a lot of thinking to do. I assume you've been discussing it with your hubby. Continue to discuss it. Take any comments here with a huge grain of salt. Good luck to you both.
2006-08-31 22:05:04 · answer #1 · answered by Amelia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are enough people on the planet... My lady and I have discussed the exact same question. She has a great job and is well paid. I had a successful business and sold it. What we came to is instead of creating another person, we will consider adopting a child even though we are, more than likely, able to have our own. We still just "practice". Anyway, every year I travel and work in an orphanage in Vietnam for a month or so. There are over 600 children, many of them have no future. If we decide to adopt, we will choose a child of around 5 or 6 years old. For a few reasons. 1 Like you we are in our mid 30's (Don't want to be too old either)
2. They are already "Toilet trained"
3. Just makes good sense, its a win/win
Some photos here if yur interested
http://gallery143579.fotopic.net/c994638.html
2006-08-31 22:00:15 · answer #2 · answered by D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it sounds like you are not sure if you want a child. I'm not making any judgements , but I knew I wanted children since I was practically a child myself. Let's be clear, I was 28 when I had my first and 33 with my second...but I always knew I wanted them. I am of the opinion that if you don't REALLY want them ( would go to any length to have them) then you are just fine the way you are. I don't think you should have one because anyone or society thinks you should. What if you had a baby and resented him/her for the amount of time and energy and inconvenience they cost? Money is the least of it... Although you are approaching 40 in todays world 60 is the new 45 so unless tragedy struck modern medicine is on your side there. So think and think again. Good Luck!
2006-08-31 22:06:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being nearly 40 is not that old to start a family. Ok, so it's not ideal and I wouldn't do it, but I started mine at 21 and have 3 kids. I'm 34 and finished with all that baby making, but you haven't been blessed with the wonderful experience of bringing a child into the world yet, so don't let age put you off.
I don't agree with people over 50 having kids, that's just cruel, but at your age you still have a lot to offer a baby and much more to offer a teenager when that time comes.
Go for it. You have the rest of your life to regret it if you don't!
2006-08-31 21:55:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can realy answer this question of yourselves. People are haivng children later and later in life now a days. Age is a number and it's only how old you feel, a child will make you feel young (tired at times but still)
My mom was 35 and my dad was 38 when they had me, I was the last of 4 kids. My brothers were 12, 10 and 7 when I was born. My mom was pregnant before me but had a miscarriage. My dad said when she found out she was pregnant with that baby, I am going to be 60 when this kid graduates high school. She got pregnant with me a few months later and my mom said my dad was thrilled beyond belief and when I was born and a girl it made it even better (he always wanted a girl, never really cared if they had any boys) I got to be Daddy's Girl for 29 yrs before he was suddenly taken ill and passed. I am now 32 and having my 2nd child, after lossing my own daughter to an infant loss at 24 weeks.
I would have loved to have gotten married earlier in life and had my kids earlier, but it just didn't work that way for me. I never traveled with my husband, we were never financially able to but that's ok. We want children more than travel and we had almost 5 yrs without a baby in the house and now are thrilled that we are finally going to have one a few months before our 5th anniversary.
Do what you think is best for your lives. Your parents would love grandchildren if that is the route you decide. My dad always dreamed of bouncing a grandchild on his lap and since none of my brothers wanted kids it was on me. Unfortunately, timing wasn't on our side at the time. Now his is playing with his granddaughter up in Heaven though.
Best wishes in whatever you decide to do. And to answer one of the questions: kids are totally worth it, whether for you to have or not can't answer. But kids are worth every tear you will shed, every pain you feel, every ache and kick of the tummy. I personally wouldn't trade the time I had with my daughter, be it ever so shortt. Or the time I have with my son that is now growing inside me. To me this is what my life was made for.
2006-09-01 00:49:24 · answer #5 · answered by Ericka K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have any friends with small children, and i know this sounds weird, ask them if you can borrow their children for 12 hours. If at the end of the 12 hours you are doing ok and feeling up to snuff with having a kid around that long, having children may not be a bad idea. Just test the waters a bit to see if you are able to deal with a child for more than 3 hours.
2006-08-31 21:52:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the greatest & most memorable event that ever happened to my life was the time i gave birth to my baby girl. my only one. they say when you are about to give birth it is as if your right leg is at the labor room and your left leg is at the graveyard. i have no regrets whatsoever coz i have my bundle of joy. i cannot explain the way i feel at that time. it is as if my heart would burst. i was so happy and crying at the same time especially when i heard her cry too and saw the nurse wrapped her in a piece of cloth and my doctor handed her over to me. i really cant believe myself back then that i'm already a mother and that little angel i hold in my arms depended her life on me. it was as if we were the only persons in that room. it was so overwhelming. i was 26 when i had anne. the labor, the pain, the morning sickness, the cramps, the regular visits to the clinic were all worth it. now my baby is 4 years old and is doing great in her nursery class. there's a bond between us that only we could understand. we are the best of friends. we do things together. im glad i had her. i thank god everyday for giving me such a wonderful gift.
2006-08-31 22:06:20 · answer #7 · answered by willow marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
strong question,yet I in worry-free words do not ignore that deep faith receives rid of all sorts of such fears. do not cry over the undesirable previous, it really is lengthy gone. do not stress too a lot about the destiny; it has no longer yer arrived. stay interior the hot and make it eye-catching. Make hay even as the daylight shines vibrant. include the hot. Treasure the former. celebrate now and honor the previous. Convert them as sacred. that's all on your hand and head to sanctify each and every thing. On all such actual doubts, pl. persist along with your kinfolk custom or the triumphing social customs.
2016-10-15 22:28:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, consider the risk to your health. at your age it may be one you may not want to take. second, what is wrong with adoption, even of an older child of ten or twelve? it's only a suggestion, but talk it over with your spouse. you may find it a better course oof action, and at far less risk to you physically.
2006-08-31 21:55:03 · answer #9 · answered by de bossy one 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
right now no you don't want one wright down you letter as soon as you can honsetly answer yes to all thw questions you asked yourself then have one . rember this there is alway antohter child out there that is already alive crying everyday for a mom and dad wondering what he/she did wrong that they don't have one . i know i was one
2006-08-31 21:53:07 · answer #10 · answered by k dog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋