Help me! I'm scared and got this girl pregnant!?

Question

I don't know what to do. I realize I'm a dad, but I'm not ready to be a dad. I don't make enought money and live with a roommate. The child is 3 months old and lives with her mother and fortunately she is providing everything and has a good stable job and wonderful family. I'm 28. The mother is filing for cs and sole custody and granting me visitation even though i don't want it. I live in California and they won't let me give up my rights unless she gets married. This has destroyed my family and my sister loves the baby. I have prove that the girl is harassing me...can I say she is and do i have to pay anything?

the mother also thinks she is doing the right thing by offering me to be with my daughter even though i'm not ready. she saids she doesn't want to deny her. wtf?

we have a dna test...the courts have it now and i'm am the father 99.9 %
see a part of me wants to be involved but a part of me doesn't..i'm conflicted!
The mother said she wasn't going to file for child support because she was looking out for my interest too and didnt want the people to take all my income. but now she has researched all the stuff and said it's whats best for the child and they take calcuate both our incomes and decide what i pay.

can i say she is harassing me and bring evidence?

no she doesn't sleep around...she wrote in her court declaration she is doing this for her daughter and giving me a chance to be a part of the childs life but i just don't wan tot **** up

this is her: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=6298578

this is me

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=640017

please email me
[e-mail]

Answer 1

Man thats hell selfish of you ! be a man and face your responsibilities !

Answer 2

Oh my gosh buddy you need to get your morals and your head checked, seriously! I'm the same age as you and I cannot believe you are talking like this! How embarressing to my generation!!
Look, man, if you're old enough to have sex with someone you darn well better be old enough to father the child you make with that someone! That baby is 50% hers and 50% yours. Since she opted to keep the baby instead of giving her up for adoption, so, you MUST do your part and provide, protect, love and care for this baby.

You probably should go spend some one-on-one time with the baby, or with your girlfriend and the baby for a little while. Babies cry, they always need, but they can bring the most joy to your life!!
I didn't want to be a mom my entire life until I met a man I love with all my heart and all he wanted to be was a good father. We got married and have two BEAUTIFUL children together. Having your OWN child is sooo very different than other people's kids!

Please rethink what you're doing. It's very wrong and crooked. You are SO LUCKY to have a girl that WANTS you to be a part of your baby's life!!! Take advantage of this because later down the road you will regret it more than life can tell you! That's a promise mister. The BEST thing you could do for this baby was love it's mother and marry her and then take responsibility for what you did.
Consequences always follow actions and this is your consequence. Grin and bear it and you will learn to love this child more than life itself and it will bring you more joy than you can even comprehend at this time. I promise you that. Take a step out into the dark. It's the only way we can grow.

Being a parent is scary getting started, but once you get started it's the greatest thing a person can do in this life. Nothing else matters as much as being a real parent.

Now, go do the right thing.

Answer 3

You're looking at this situation incorrectly. Your now a dad. When making any decisions you need to first ask yourself--what decision is best for my child? Your child needs a lot of things now. You need to get into a position to provide the best situation for your new child. Yeah this may mean getting a second job and your own place. You should assist the support of your child. They deserve it. Just because you don't feel like being a dad doesn't mean that a child should be denied the support of their father (and I mean more than just part of your paycheck) Put yourself in their situation. how would you feel if your father had written that he didn't feel like being your dad because it wasn't convenient at that time in his life. Then again maybe you DO know what that feels like. I've been the child in that situation and feeling rejected is hard to deal with as an adult. It can be devistating as a child) And don't think that your actions don't have serious effects because the child is so young. If every decision you make you put your child first---you'll be fine. And by the way--your childs mother could be really nasty to you considering the way your acting. She's taking on not only her responsibilities--but yours too. If you were her--wouldn't you be a but pissed off too? Consider your self lucky that she hasn't gone for full child support with no visitation. Take the oppertunity NOW to make things right. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 4

wow...your 28 man...grow up.

look, you are very immature but one day you will grow up. you may regret the way you feel right now.

all i can tell you is be at least responsilbe for some of the fianancial aspects of having a baby. im not saying to put yourself out on the street...but you know even $200 or $300 a month will help her alot.

sure now you wont be able to make a new car payment, but you need to stop thinking only about yourself.

by the way the girl is not harassing you if all she is doing is making you see that you are a father...that is a daily thing!!!

but dont be scared....you may actually grow to love your daughter. also that baby needs a real dad to help her grow up with a health mind.

being a father is not that big of a deal (not that hard). now that you are a dad ... do the right thing for the baby. this does not mean you have to live with the mother. but take care of the baby as best you can.

Answer 5

You sound like you're 28, going on 14. I'm not trying to insult you. But you need to find some inner strength. When you were little, you must have gotten your way by whining. It won't work for you any more. There's no one to whine to. There's no way to get out of paying, even if you go to jail. It will just keep adding up until you begin to think about what you can do in reality besides wishing it weren't this way.

Completely apart from your child or the court or the consequences, you have to learn how to live in reality. That means being real with yourself - which requires being real with others. It may not be easy to get started, but once you do you'll be a much happier person.

Answer 6

My man has told me "A baby separates the MEN from the BOYS" I cannot beilve how incredibly selfish you are, just a boy for sure. How could you turn your back on your own flesh and blood. You may have not felt ready, but you made a baby, grow up and step up. You don't even have to be a real everyday father. How hard is it to give 1 week-end of your time, everyother week to YOUR child. Karma is a BIT** buddy, hope it bites you in the A**. YOu have no idea what you are missing out on. Being a parent is a blessing, I am sure glad that the girl you had the baby with has a good head on her shoulders. I hope she takes you for the MAX!!!!! selfish jerk, just wait until your in your 40s and regret it and you kid wants nothing to do with you.

Answer 7

Hey I wish I could sympathise but I have to say I agree with the other posters

From one guy to another... You are 28 you aren't a kid who made a mistake and you are the one who decided you were old enough and mature enough and ready enough to have unprotected (I assume) sex... Sorry charlie all I can say is step up grab hold of what is left of your manhood and do your duty.

The mother wants you to be part of the child's life and you should take advantage of it if you don't that child is going to have to grow up never knowing his/her father always wondering why he/she doesn't have a dad who loves him/her. That or there is always the heartwrenching moment when the kid asks mom "why doesn't daddy love me enough to be with me" sadly my girlfriend's parents are divorced and she STILL asks me
"why does my mom have to live 12 hours away doesn't she love me anymore or was I just a mistake?" and my gf is 18 (as am i) and her parents have been divorced since she was 5 and it still hurts her.

also remember that if in 5 or 10 years you decide you want to see how YOUR child is doing you can't just step back in it is unfair to be gone for that long and all of a sudden show up again.

Maybe next time you'll think twice before you make a life altering decision sorry man I wish I could sympathise....

Answer 8

you are 28 and can't take the responsibilities of your actions? At least see the child, a child needs both parents. there is no reason to be scared of a 3 month old. I would have to agree with the person who told to take a paternity test. this will help. But if you are the father, you need to grow up and step up. why in world has it taken you so long to realize that there are consequences to the actions you have taken. Maybe you can teach your child to be a better person than you are being right now. make a difference in his/her future (and maybe the world) instead of running.

Answer 9

ahh, so you played and don't want to pay..so sad. You Could claim the child isn't yours but a DNA test could prove otherwise.
The mother is protecting her interests in filing for sole custody, and of course, you being the father should be more than willing to pay to help raise this child. A child needs both parents, not just a mother. Get involved with the childs life, get a higher paying job or get two jobs.

Answer 10

It sucks that this happened to you but you can't doubt that this the result of your actions. You're responsible for a human life and that should scare you. You should be abjectly terrified that this 3 month old girl will grow up into a woman and every influence you've given her will affect how she treats others and more importantly how she treats her children. Do you see where this leads? Not influencing this little girl means that other men will tell her how she should treat the men in her life and what a Husband is. It also means you'll be teaching her that Men cannot be depended on or trusted.
You need to do more than contribute to this child's survival economically. You need to take actual resonsibility for what you began in passion regardness of what it costs you.

Answer 11

Hey, sweetie-

None of us, our parents included, were probably ever READY to have a child. The fact is, you ARE a parent, (provided, that is, unless DNA testing proves differently, and apparently, it doesn't...), and you have to step up to your financial responsibilities as such. ALL state laws require that the one biological parent supplies some sort of child support if you are not in residence with the other biological parent, usually on a sliding scale in regard to your income, whether or not you choose to participate in the child's life. It sounds as if the mother is actively trying to keep the windows of communication open with you in hope that you may at least get to know, and perhaps someday love, your daughter. It is also admirable that your sister has chosen to embrace her niece, though you, as you are that child's father, have not. Perhaps you need to take another job part-time to make financial obligations easier. Perhaps you should go to school to better your opportunities for your future. In any case, should your own flesh and blood be held accountable for your inability to cope with your own adult life and responsibilities for your actions? Think about that one. Please give yourself the chance to be a better and bigger man for your child!