Living in Japan, husbands been gone for awhile. I've been trying to be strong for my girls (this is the first time they will recall) and my first time in a long time. Been keeping my feelings bottled for their sakes... but the bottle is starting to crack. I have friends... but I've been being strong for them, too. I just need some hiding-behind-my keyboard help!
2006-08-31 19:29:11 · 18 answers · asked by MotherBear1975 6 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Hey, my wife and I were both in the Navy, we had our share of separations. It is tough, but we both dealt with it. You gotta stay busy, stay in touch by phone or e-mail, and you and your friends need to form an official support group. If you sit around moaning over something that can't be fixed, you will set yourself up for all sorts of emotional issues.
Get together, and do something. Form a babysitting rotation so the girls can go out and enjoy things. My ship rotated to Japan for three months at a time. It is an awesome country. Take the USO supported tours, hop on the bullet train and go to a city called Osaka. My wife and I randomly visited there. It was awesome, as was the view of Mt. Fuji from the train.
Don't sit there in a sense of helplessness, go enjoy, you may regret not doing so in a few years after you move away. While separation sucks, you were single at one time, so you can survive without your husband for the time being. I know, it isn't easy, I'm not trying to pretend it was easy, but if you dwell on it, that really sucks.
For your sake, go enjoy life! Imagine, you are lucky, healthy (I'm assuming), the military is taking care of your family, so go enjoy your life! It's too short to cry over when you are so much more fortunate than many other people.
2006-08-31 19:57:32 · answer #1 · answered by powhound 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a hard thing you're going through. Maybe you should occupy your time so you don't think about it as much. Go on a tour with a guide that speaks English, see the sights, learn a little Japanese. It will be much better for your children to be able to one day say that they saw Japan when they were young and also will give you something to think about besides being lonely. Usually when I miss someone that's what I do until I can see them again. Maybe you can also do something that's just for you. Take a class, write a story, go to the gym. I don't know if there's anyone there who can take care of the kids, but if there is, it might be good to give yourself a little time to be alone and not have to be anything for anyone for an hour or so. Take a little of the pressure off.
2006-09-01 02:41:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a Navy Brat myself although all grown up and a mama of 2, I understand how you feel. Those tours can be rough on everyone especially when you are stationed far away from your family. I know you will do what is best for your girls but remember that you need to take care of you too! Tell the other wives that you have been being strong for that its THEIR turn to be strong for you. Keep the faith and know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Remember God doesn't give you more than you can handle (Although sometimes you might wish he had a lower opinion of you...I know I have felt that way from time to time!) Hope this help!
2006-09-01 02:46:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having a rough time adjusting to your new life. try to keep in touch with your family and friends back in the states. try to cook American meals so that you will feel like you are home plus mac and cheese is such a good comfort food yummy!!
also try to embrace the new culture,bring the girls to museums and different stores so that you can learn more about your new home.
as far as your husband being gone he will return to you soon. just write to him and tell him you miss him. i don't know how old your kids are but you can get a big candy jar and get a bag of Hershey's kisses and every morning and every night they can put a kiss in the jar for daddy and when he comes home he will see how many kisses he has from you guys.
good luck and email me if u need to talk
2006-09-01 10:41:06 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ missing a soldier in Iraq ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds really tough. I know it's been hard for me as well because my sweetheart lives in England and I thought it was going to take forever to get my passport and it finally came in the mail yesterday. We are just starting out, both of us in our mid 30's and divorced, and we fell in love on the net last October...she's been here to America twice to see me but it's way too expensive for her to come here again so I have been working hard so I can go and spend 6 months with her. We are looking at being back together by mid to late September and that will make it 4 months since we've seen each other. The only thing I can say is keep the lines of communication open and keep putting one foot in front of the other. It has been of some use for us to look at our situation and realize that at least we don't have to worry about me being killed by some crazy rag-head every day until we are together again. I don't know how military families cope with all that stress. It's been hard enough as it is for us.
2006-09-01 02:40:54 · answer #5 · answered by synchronicity915 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there one friend you can share your feelings with. You know, - I'm strong but this is getting to me! If not, stay behind the key board a little longer. Hang tight.
He must be a good husband and lucky man to be missed so much.
From the Rocky Mountains, USA.
2006-09-01 02:44:01 · answer #6 · answered by Tommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't really say what was getting to you. Being alone? Being in Japan? Financial problems?
Change of scenery might help. If you are down in the Yokohama area, how about a shopping trip to Shinjuku with an overnight, a visit to a spa? If you are in Tokyo I'd recommend a trip to Aomori; very different and very refereshing.
Can't you pick one friend and unbottle things?
2006-09-01 02:48:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I'm so sorry you're going thru this! Are your girls old enough to talk to? Try to keep yourself busy...Take time for yourself, doing something you love. Set goals with rewards at the end, even if it is very short-term. Like when I get dinner made and the kids to bed, I get to take a bubble bath and start that book I've always wanted to read. Don't give up sweetie, remember "this too shall pass". I'll pray for you.
2006-09-01 02:36:24 · answer #8 · answered by Cinner 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could hug you. I know EXACTLY how you feel. We all walk around wearing a stiff upper lip for everyone else, and most especially so our husband's may be proud of us but my goodness it gets hard at times! I am a Senior Officer's wife and quite understandably alot of other wives find it difficult to share their feelings with me, although I wish they would! There is an internet site called Army Wives, the anonimity is hugely beneficial and I have found myself taking comfort in supporting young wives dealing with first Op Tours and feeling able to vent my own feelings. Japan...lucky you!
2006-09-01 14:15:47 · answer #9 · answered by Kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the only one that can properly comfort and encourage you is your husband. Stay strong until he comes home. You have too much on your shoulders for you to come crashing down. Good luck. Write him a letter?
2006-09-01 02:34:30 · answer #10 · answered by Rico 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋