Am I doing the right thing in this situation?

Question

As a full time college student and a part time worker it's rare to find myself with a day off. I live at home with my parents to keep living expenses down and unlike most of my peers have managed to stay out of debt. Here's the problem:
I take care of all the housecleaning and living with a family of 5 "cleaning challenged" slobs it's a full time job in itself. I clean bathrooms, clean and fold laundry, dust, vacumn, do dishes, take out the trash, mop (yeah I'm complaining) anyways I wish my family would pick up after themselves, but even my parents don't do much and they won't tell my brother and sister to do anything. I would stop cleaning, but I've tried that before and the house gets filthy. I feel like a married woman with children and after going through this I don't even want to get married if it means being in this situation again. Should I keep cleaning up after my family or tell Mom and Dad to find a real maid?

I am the eldest, but my bro is 20 and my sister is 16

Answer 1

Whoa, how did you get suckered into all of this. They are all just taking advantage of you because they know that you will do it. It's time for a good old fashion family meeting. Before the meeting I would take some time and think over what you think would be fair for everyone and make up some kind of chart or something. For starters everyone clean up after themselves. It is terrible the way they are disrespecting you. When my kids where teenagers they knew better than that. They had certain chores they had to do before they even went to school. Like rinsing their breakfast dishes and putting in dishwasher. And picking up after themselves. We rotated the vacumning, kitchen, bathrooms, etc. That worked pretty well. Seeing you are the one that does everything now, it makes sense that you know exactly what needs to be done, how much time it takes and who it would be a good chore for. I have taught my toddler grandsons to pick up after themselves (or that they should), but the 3 year old loves to help me with any chores I do. I make it fun for him and he learns and feels like he's really helped. I would come up with a plan for the family but be open to suggestions and changes. Then stick to your guns and if they don't do it, let it go. I know how hard that is when you like things clean. But it may be the only way to show them what they expect you to do everyday. Don't invite any friends over until they get the hang of it. If they can't handle it, tell them to hire a maid, you're tired of doing it all. Good luck to you

Answer 2

Well, I think of the old phrase "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch". If you are older than 20 and living with them you should either be paying rent or doing some service for them to earn your keep - don't you think? If it was me though, I would seriously think about using some of the money I might have paid for rent and spend it on a cleaning service so that I don't have a full time job in tending house, if your folks have no objections.

And in the world there are slobs and there are non-slobs - you just know that on your list of someone you might be willing to marry, non-slob is one of the important things. You teach children as they grow to clean up after themselves, etc. and you teach by example. We learn stuff from our parents and sometimes it is a way to be and sometimes a way not to be.

My sister had a boyfriend she lived with for quite some time and he just figured he could tolerate mess more than her and she wound up doing all the chores until she developed a super tolerance and even now she seems to be a lousy house keeper. Don't let this happen to you. Don't let other people's bad habits change you or sour you. There must be an amicable way to settle this.

Peace!

Answer 3

it's not that u should tell ur parents to find a real maid, but u should sit down and talk with them about sharing responsibilities throughout the 5 of u. let them know that going to school and taking care of an all adult household is taking toll on u mentally and physically. tell them u need help to keep the house in order because u need and deserve a break at times. also let ur sibs know that it is only right that they pitch in to take care of the mess they helped to create. if that doesn't work then what the hell...let the house get dirty and say forget it or clean it up and let the issue go

Answer 4

I suggest you employ a maid by yourself. Your parents would not agree if you were to ask them cos you are a ready maid and why should they get another.

One suggestion. Since you tried but cannot take the filthy condition, then why not you temporary move out for a month or two to your friends or other relatives house with some excuses. It will be at one stage that they can feel the filthiness. But if things don't change at all, then god bless u. You have a special family thats all.

Answer 5

The question is WHY do you take care of all the housekeeping? Is this in lieu of rent? Are you the eldest child? How old are your siblings? More information please.
In light of your additional information I have to conclude that you are being taken advantage of. Your brother and sister need to contribute to the cleaning. Do not clean up after them or you will create a pair of monsters. If the house becomes intolerable under this regimen, I suggest you retreat to your tidy corner of it and let it collapse around you. Perhaps your family is happy living in a pigsty, which begs the question: how did they have a daughter like you?

Answer 6

I feel bad for your situation,however like you stated you are cutting cost by being home with your family.Apparently they feel comfortable the way things are,myself along with you i could not live in such a manner.I don't mean any offense in saying that,i am just going by your statement.The only other thing that makes sense in resolving this issue,would be to move out and either get an one bedroom apartment or even share a place with other peers.You need to way the pros's and con's to your situation,which is would it be better to have peace of mind and not to overload yourself by moving,or to stay and not have the cost and to continue the way your route is going.The thing is this is their home and it is hard,even if it is your parents,to tell them how to live in their own home.Just like if you reversed this,and your home was the way you described, no one has the right to come into your home telling you how to live or what is expected of you in your living arrangements.Again this is something that only you can answer really for yourself,but i know your heart will guide you on the best way to go.Best of luck to you,and it will work out either or.Take care!

Answer 7

Think of it this way, you are probably not paying for any bills you are over the age of 18 and that can be a way of helping them out with not having to hire a maid. If your parents do not care about the house then why are you picking up after everyone? You need to put your foot down and tell everyone in the house that they are going to have to pick up after themselves otherwise you are not going to do it.

Answer 8

Its all about tollerance.

You have set a precedent by being the least tolerant of the filth, and being willing to clean it up. Because of that, the others will let the filth slide because they already know that you will take care of it. So, if you stop, they think "soon she'll be so sick of this filth that she will clean it." You would have to let the filth get WAY BEYOND your level of tolerance in order for anyone else to take action, given this precedent that you have set. So what to do.

This may sound lame but fake an injury, one that you could leverage to legitimatly get out of the cleaning job for a bit. Sprained elbow is good, makes it hard to clean or even lift anything. Let the filth build and continuously apologise for being unable to do anything about it. Soon, you will no longer be taken for granted, they will realize the contribution you make. BUT

They will not become neat freaks or significantlly change their ways. They will revert to their inate tolerance for filth, and you will have to adjust your tolerance to match it. But it won't be as filthy as they would tolerate while waiting for you to clean it up later.

Answer 9

if it really bothers you than stop doing it it's not like it's your responsibility to clean after them they all live in the house if it gets really filthy when you don't clean let it then maybe they'll see how dirty they are and clean after themselves if not too bad you have your own room don't you? although it is very cool for your parents to let you stay there if they're letting you stay for free then it wouldn't hurt to help them out if they both work but your bro and sis they are grown and should know better then to wait for there trash to be picked up hope that was helpful and readable

Answer 10

you should tell them how you feel and not do it no more even if it means it gets filthy they know you will do it if it gets bad but if you dont maybe they will realize how discusting it is and that they need to clean up after themselves like adults . Or you could move out on your own and not have to worry about it . Oh and marriages are not all like that my husband trys to help me as much as possible dont make your family put you off on getting married and haveing kids my husband and kids are my life it is great