I have done the one thing that I swore, I VOWED I would never do again.... I fell in love. I allowed the wall that has built up over 33 years to be broken down by a man whom, in only 2 months, I have fallen HARD for. He doesn't want a girlfriend right now though. He just wants to be friends. Since hearing this and finding out that a good majority of others knows how I feel and how he does not feel, I want to just crawl in a hole a dissapear. I want to go back to having that wall up. I have been trying to focus on everything else, my college degree, finding a good job, etc... but I can't seem to stop loving him. I wish he saw himself as I do. His smile makes my heart leap and I love the sound of his voice. I want to support his dreams, goals and desires in life. Be there when he succeeds, and hold him when and if he cries. But if he only sees me as a friend, how can that ever happen? How can I go back to putting that wall up? I have to see him at church every Sunday too!
2006-08-31 17:27:42 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
LOVE. It's great. Why're you so afraid of it? The wall's been broken down, why do you want to put it back up? As someone who's very afraid of letting people in, as I'm assuming you are, why are you so hurt that he just wants to take things slow? It's been two months right? Give him time. I think you should understand better than anyone that you have to really be careful about who you let get close to you. Just keep loving him, but remain a friend to him until he's ready for more. Don't smother him, but also make sure not to be too stand off-ish. Don't run away from this, embrace it. It could be the greatest thing to happen in your life. And as I'm sure you know, it may not be. Either way; that's life. Let life happen.
2006-08-31 17:33:47 · answer #1 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wellll....
Now you know how all the guys who really liked you felt over the years. It's called an unrequited crush. The best thing to do is not worry about it. Stay in the moment.
How do you know he only sees you as a friend, have you told him you have feelings for him?
He's not married is he? He's not an old man is he?
If you're 33 years old and have been avoiding this for that long maybe you have some issues.
Lastly, and what should be first: You've only known him for 2 months. Which means, you don't know him. Eventually you will see him for who he truly is. Until then, play it coy. I don't know what it's like from the other side. I'm a man, I know if I tell a woman I like her, even if she said it first, she usually goes away for some asshole. Especially the ones in their 30's. A woman in their 30's makes a man wonder.
Are you selfish? Are you bitchy? Why are you in your early 30's and still single? Did you go through a divorce?
lots of questions. Wait a few more months. If you are friends, then just be friends. It will develop on it's own. Either that or it will fizzle out....
Either way...
2006-09-01 00:37:38 · answer #2 · answered by nathancarson23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with barelyhere. Just start off as friends. If it's meant to be, it'll eventually lead to dating. It's for the best not to date right away, because if things break off, it would hurt worse than if you never dated in the first place. The longer you are platonic at first, the better chances things may work out, and also, if this guy turns out not to be your type, at least you found out before things get too serious.
I once fell for someone, but we were only platonic friends. Not long into the friendship, I came to find some disturbing things about him, like he drinks too much. Made me glad I didn't date him. I also gotten over him faster because we never dated.
For now, just have fun with platonic guy friends. When the time's right, something will happen. But you don't want to build up a wall, because it might cause you to miss that right somebody. But, however, do practice precaution, and don't be too open at first. Gradually let the guy in. You can't have a great relationship as a friend or dating if you keep up the wall.
2006-09-01 00:44:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't put the wall back up. He just said he didn't want a girlfriend right now. If he just got out of a relationship it could be he doesn't want a rebound relationship. I recently told a guy I really really liked that I needed sometime to figure out why my old relationship didn't work and why I stayed so long. Give it some time but in the meantime get on with your life. Do not obsess over him because you might just scare him off. Guys are attracted to women who are confident and have their own lives and interests.
2006-09-01 00:37:00 · answer #4 · answered by shar 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A very touching story.....it sound like it's to late to build the wall for this one. But rather loose him all together, keep him as a friend. Smiles it never hurts, for the heart to leap..... at least you know it can, and it will again.... just be careful next go around.... All good things take a little time. Who knows... in time he may respond. Perhaps he has been in a bad relationship and has walled built himself.......Don't push it, and don't give up, because at this point you just don't know...... like I said it's to late to build the wall from him... he is already there. You need to deal with hardening your heart.....and give it time, and never stop looking on, as he may no respond to you in the way you want. In 33 years you never though you'd feel that leap.... it will come again.... and maybe with him...... but you have to be mature about it. Except the friendship...... give it time.... and you never know.....
2006-09-01 00:37:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you "built up" this wall around yourself for so long is extremely unsettling to me. Why not allow yourself to love and be loved? I'm not sure that you are able to understand and even handle relationships right now without first seeking professional counseling. And you want to "put that wall up" again? You say you go to church, which means to open up your heart and mind to all of the things God has given to us, but at the same time, it seems like you are trying to reverse the things that God has naturally given to us. Good luck. I think you have a lot of maturing and learning to do before you really do fall in love.
2006-09-01 00:36:56 · answer #6 · answered by TrainerMan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dang!!! What can a person say to that? Don't give up....there's someone out there that is right for you. It's better to love and lost than to have never loved.
I've had the same issues as you. I know the hurt your going thru cause I've been there too. And I'm reluctant to let it go in fear of being hurt again.
If you figure it out....please share it with us!!! Good luck.
2006-09-01 00:42:13 · answer #7 · answered by Tony 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well! looking for a adult answer, here it comes. You are trying to do so many things at one time. If you love him that does not mean he should love you also. That is not love. Love is a feeling, deep emotion of your heart. If he sees you as a friend then try to be a friend rather than lose him at all. Keep your emotions to yourself, in this way you will also help him in achiveing his dreams
2006-09-01 02:58:20 · answer #8 · answered by alwaysforu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya know I'm in the same place you are just the sex is reversed. I don't have much of as answer cause I don't know what to do myself except maybe being friends is better than nothing and that it might grow, slowly however. And you're right, you can't concentrate, you can't think, you can't do your job, you end up literally walking around in circles, the pain the pain....
2006-09-01 01:03:38 · answer #9 · answered by tnagew 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's not really love, but just infatuation... I don't think you really need to put a wall up. Just socialize with other people and keep your options open so you don't miss a grand opportunity to share that "love" with someone who is perfectly willing to return it to you.
True love will wait 'till he comes around (unless of course, another good man comes around first). Infatuation will eventually wear off.
2006-09-01 00:41:42 · answer #10 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋