I cry all the time, my boys (ages 6 and 4) talk about their daddy and they want to know if he will ever come down from heaven? He was my Ex because he had a severe drinking problem, and he would than verbally and physically abuse me, so I had to leave for our safety. However, I did not want him to kill himself over this. He could not live without us, so he took sleeping pills and took his own life. I cry all the time for him. I am feeling very bad that I was unable to help him fight his disease. I just feel so empty knowing that our boys will no longer have a daddy to play with, or do anything with thier daddy ever again. Do you think they will be ok?
2006-08-31 17:22:42 · 19 answers · asked by Goldie 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Well, for one thing, don't feel like it was your fault in any way. I am a recovered alcoholic and I have seen this happen quite a few times. He was a sick person and sometimes there's nothing you can do for them. You were right to leave for you and your childrens' safety. I might suggest a support group. I would even check out al-anon even though you're not with an alcoholic person right now, they can help you with the emotional effects and your feelings.
2006-08-31 17:27:27 · answer #1 · answered by Eric H 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Children are very resilient and have amazing recuperative powers. Of course they will experience the loss, but many kids recover in time. It's you, I'm concerned about. You may be feeling guilt as well as sorrow. Please understand that you had nothing to do with his decision to take his life. That was his choice. He didn't care enough about his family to want to live for them and make a good home. It's too bad he took that way out, but it's not anything you did, so stop beating yourself up. There was little you could do to help him, because he was an abusive drinker. You have to go on with your life for your own sake and for your boys. Maybe some day you will meet another man who is willing to adopt your boys and be a father to them, and a good husband to you. Look ahead and put the past where it belongs -- in the past. My prayers are with you.
2006-08-31 17:35:48 · answer #2 · answered by gldjns 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing to take your children out of that home. I know it is complicated to have a love relationship with a person who drinks or uses substances and resorts to physical violence. Just being in a relationship like that affects how you think. None of what happened is your fault. There is no reason for you to feel any guilt. You did the best for your family and reduced the amount of harm that they may have endured. It is OK to be angry and grieving for your Ex at the same time.
Allow yourself to get help from therapy, go to a group for codependents like ALANON, talk about your feelings with people you trust, get stronger and take charge of your life. Your children will see how you recover and that will help them recover from this.
2006-08-31 17:32:36 · answer #3 · answered by Art 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think they will be ok. Get them in counsling ASAP if you haven't already. You can try different things to let them feel as though they are connecting with him like letting balloons go up into the air "for him" to recieve. And re assure them that it's NOT they're fault and now he's safe and is watching over them every day. As far as you go, please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault!! He had a problem and you had to do what you needed to protect yourself and your boys. You did the right thing. I don't know if you can recieve counsling from Hospice or not, but if you can then I would highly recommend them. If not maybe you could find a support group in your area for you and possibly even your boys. Just take one day at a time. Best of luck to you and may god be with you.
2006-08-31 17:31:23 · answer #4 · answered by curious21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Goldie
It is clear that not matter how deep you love him, some of his personal problems meant to be out of reach. I sense that he was not a happy man, mainly because he did not feel happy good about himself and his life at all. I trust that you've seen through him in some degree, even tried to help him over the years. You did not want him to kill himself, because you still have hope and faith in him. I can say... that was all that you can do for him and the rest is to trust in him and the Heaven above.
Now he is not here. You have your own reason to be sorrow and grief. The boys do not understand this lost fully, they need to talk about what happened. Be patient to their questioning, they need a guide to go through this. Ask your friend who you can trust to help you and the boys, I believe that some people you knew are concerning your situation.
If you ask me if they will be ok later, I cannot answer it for you. But honestly, you are all that they have. Your motherly love can give them hope and courage they need, love them as you always do Goldie.
Good Luck
2006-09-01 15:18:33 · answer #5 · answered by Sonny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry this has happened, but u have to know that this isn't your fault. U did all u could and u didn't deserve to be treated that way and have ur children in a negative surrouding. Ur ex could have done something for his problem- after all, the first step for solving a problem is personally accepting the problem. All u can do is pray for relief. What's past cannot be helped. Again, I'm sorry this has happened. Pray about it- God will see u through this. As for ur children, maybe when they're older, u can tell them in detail what happened. Ur children know that their father has died, so that's a huge step. Tell them that if it's God's Will, when u all go to heaven, u'll be able to see him. Good blessings 2 u and ur family.
2006-08-31 17:28:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
They will be okay because you are their mom. You had the strength and the guts to get away from a dangerous situation. That takes some doing!
They are your boys and you will help them to grow up and be better than you, to be strong and gentle and to treat people well.
They do not have their daddy (and some people would argue that it is a good thing!) and I am sad for the loss they feel. However, we do lose things during our path growing up and developing into people. We need to understand that this sort of thing happens.
You also need to realize that you are not in charge of your ex-husband's actions. You are in charge of your own. Your ex-husband chose actions that you would never choose for him. This is because he was a sad loser who is just trying to make you feel guilty. You do not need to feel guilty. If he was unable to cope with his life, he should just reach out and get help from his friends, his family, and from the health professionals around him.
Instead he chooses a sick vindictive way out.
This is not the path you want for your boys. You do not want this person teaching them the bad stuff.
You have the strength to make your world right for your boys.
2006-08-31 17:31:31 · answer #7 · answered by Orinoco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to stop blaming yourself. You did the right thing by leaving, I think your boys have a chance to be healthy non-abusive men some day. Watching thier Dad abuse thier Mom was not good for them, and if you think he killed himself because he was lost without you your wrong he lost CONTROL of you and couldnt hurt you so He took his life to spite you and hurt you It worked right? You should thank God and yourself that you took your Children out of his reach, its not unusual for them to hurt the kids to get to you.
2006-08-31 19:19:40 · answer #8 · answered by duckieluv0329 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A person can not change another person, only they can change themselves. You did what you felt you had to do at the time not only for for sanity but for your safety, and your children's safety. Your ex chose a long term solution for a short term problem. Remember it was his choice. Selfish yes, but it takes courage to take one's own life. Now for your own sake and that of your children, dry your eyes, and get some counseling. If your health suffers and your mental state takes a slide, then who takes care of your children? Your priority is your health and mental state and your children. Good luck and God Bless
2006-08-31 17:35:41 · answer #9 · answered by wondering 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, yes, they'll be okay. Children are pretty resilient meaning that something will always occupy their thoughts and they'll bounce back from everything easily. Adults aren't so lucky we seem to put alot of guilt where it doesn't need to be. Maybe try some counseling for yourself to get over your hurt feelings. Just because he was your ex, does not make you stop feeling guilt and hurt and maybe a little anger.
Lots of luck with everything!
:)
2006-08-31 17:30:08 · answer #10 · answered by Robyn H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋