my dad...........?

Question

Im 19 and my parents got divorced when i was 4 years old. I havent talked to him for almost 4 years because of a fight i got into with him and his wife (my step-mom) so today he called and i answered the phone. He asked if he could see my 15 year old brother and I and take us out to breakfast this sunday. (my brother has still been seeing him, he say him a few months ago) anyways my mom said that i wouldnt recognize my dad, he sounded like an old grandpa on the phone today. Im just afraid to see him, see how he's let himself go (my mom said he's fat wrinky and has white hair) I dont know if ill be able to deal with what he looks like and seeing him again since i havent seen him in over 4 years... any tips to deal with this situation would be great =)

i really dont want to see him but want to catch up ....

he doesnt really keep contact, he only calls once every few months, he used ti call every monday but stopped.....so i lost contact with him till today when he called

i have never liked my dad that much. i hardly know him since he left me at a young age. he would always take my mom to court to take money away from my mom to pay for his wife's surgeries which is really mesed up. shes the one with the kids not him. we were almost homeless at one point. and i heard him sy "i wouldnt care if you guys were living on the streets" to my mom....hes a real *** but he's my dad.......all him and his wife has done is caused my family and i hell. the story is too long to tell over here

Answer 1

If your nervous ask your mom to go with you or a friend until you are comfortable being around him......Good Luck with your visit

Answer 2

I totally understand this...my mom and dad split when I was two, and I have MAJOR issues with my dad too. He is the same way, only calls occasionally and is very illusive to his life when I ask about how he is. I actually had a "talk" with him about it a few years back, but it didn't do any good. He still acts the same way. Seeing my dad actually makes me a little neurotic . I get so nervous I drive everyone around me nuts.This truly is a personal decision. A tough decision at that! If you feel you can handle seeing your dad then go. If not...then don't. Even though he is your dad, this doesn't give him the right to make you uncomfortable or insist that he sees you. And don't feel that just because your brother goes that you have to go. It's up to YOU and you alone. Hope this helps you with your decision.

Answer 3

I have strained relationship with my father also. I was only 4 months old when my father left. He moved across the country to be with his new wife and her daughter. I've always felt he abandoned me, and has never been very interested in me. A few years ago he began suffering from depression, and seeing a therapist. After that, he has begun trying to build a better relationship with me and my older sister. In the last few years my uncle (his brother), and my grandmother (my mom's mother) have both died. We have been there for each other and have helped each other through those times. We still don't have a great relationship but we are both trying.

I think you should at least see him this time. Family is important, even if it's not easy.

Answer 4

Life is too short to hold a grudge over what was probably a stupid fight anyway. Go see your dad because i`m sure if he had a bad accident you would have guilt because you were too stubborn to give in. Be the bigger person and anyway is it too much out of your life to spend a little time with a man who obviously loves you. So what if he has let himself go, it`s not what`s on the outside it`s what`s inside that counts.Just go for it you have nothing to lose but plenty to gain. A FATHER!!!!

Answer 5

What exactly do you mean let him self go? People get older and they get grey/white hair, their skin sags and they change into old people.

I think the real issue here is that the last time you saw your dad, you fought with him. He's throwing out an olive branch and he's your father, no matter what, until the day he dies.

So, is the next time you want to see him going to be during his funeral visitation? Because then, he won't hear the words of remorse you have.

Grow up, see your dad, tell him you love him. You do, its obvious.

Answer 6

first of all, this is not YOUR FAULT. it's not your mom's fault or your brothers. it's your dad's decision to be an absent parent. the meeting is all on how you handle it. first, if he never keeps contact what would make him keep it after this breakfast? no matter what's said about him calling or whatever after the breakfast, prepare to never see or hear from him again.
yes, he has a new life, but his old life never left...HE DID. it's fine to wanna catch up but keep in the back of your head that this meeting is about YOU and YOUR BROTHER. don't let him go on and on about himself. this should be a chance to get to know you not him.
it's understandable to be hurt over this but he's the one losing out. not only will he be missing out on you but on grandchildren that you and your bro will have one day.
in essence, don't worry. be yourself. be open but not engulfing. don't take the blame for his absence or let him blame others. you don't have to confront him on this but remember what he says and discuss it later with your brother. take a camera...one day you may have children that will ask about grandpa.
i'm not trying to be a downer, just prepare for the worst, if the worst never happens you are two steps ahead

Answer 7

Well if you really dont want to see him you shour probably tell him. He's your dad so unless he doesn't care about you he'll probably continue to try and keep contact. You could catch up over the phone, through chatting programs(AIM for example) or emails.

Answer 8

You should go and see y our dad. its never to late to have or fix your relationship. The way he looks can be a good start to an interesting conversation. Say something like dad you are starting to look like Mr. Clause. It will be a joke and it will let him know he let himself go. It won't be as bad as you think. Just get to know him and allow him to know you. Don't pick your words lightly, but not angry either. Let him know how you feel and he is a man and he can handle anything you say, and won't get to mad hopefully.

Answer 9

If you are teetering on the decision of which choice, you obvioously have a working concious. You will feel guilty if you do not at leaste see him if not just for your own knowlege... wondering wether or not you could have had a relationship with him if he had changed...

Answer 10

well i haven't seen my dad in like 12 years so i feel the same way you feel so if you want to chat you can get my email of of this but to answer your question just take it one step at at time if he comes on strong tell him like it is so just live.