I completely feel for you! My son just turned 2, but he's always been rather difficult. He started off as a high-need baby (nursed every half hour for the first four months, wanted to be held nonstop, etc.) and has continued to be a strong-willed toddler. You really do have to think hard (and I pray, too) about how to discipline your child if he's acting like this, b/c there's lots of things that won't work and you can guess this by remembering his personality. Like spanking, I'm not against spanking when used appropriately, but it just plain doesn't work with my son. Hand slapping never did either, he simply doesn't care. He'd take it and go right back to doing what he was doing! So...I moved to ignoring, well, this works sometimes, you have to gauge the situation. Get inside his head and figure out if he's trying to get your attention, if he is, ignoring will work in that situation. But once the fit is over then remember to give him some extra loving attention so he doesn't feel the need to act out to try to get it.
Time out is a great idea, but good luck on that one. I am using it now with my son, but he doesn't sit on a chair and wait the two minutes prescribed for his age. Uh-uh. No way. I have to hold him down or just...hold him. I tell him I'm holding him until he calms down, or I'm holding him so he won't hurt me or himself. Even though he's screaming at me and might not hear me, I tell him anyways. He gets LIVID and throws a bigger fit. It becomes about a 10minute process (at least in the beginning) to do a 2 minute time-out. As soon as he calms time-out can begin. There's nothing wrong with holding your toddler so he can calm down, but don't let him hurt you. Move away from him. Put him on one side of a baby gate with you where he can see you on the other.
One of the best remedies to discipline problems doesn't sound like a discipline thing, but it is. Be an attached parent. This enables you to be in tune with your child so you can prevent the outburst before it happens. One of the best tools you have is to control his environment so it doesn't happen. But it will happen sometimes anyways. Here's what works with my own little terror: I give him choices (like you can wear this one or this one: meaning, you HAVE to get dressed, but you can pick), do you want chocolate or strawberry milk (read: you HAVE to have milk) etc. You're not giving him a choice you don't want him to have, but he still feels he has some control. A good parent doesn't 'control' their children, but controls the situation. Check out the sources below they've been very helpful to me. Also, remember that short, to the point phrases work better than repeating no for every offense or a long drawn out explanation. Say 'No Hitting, Jason" "Don't throw" "Ouch! No biting Tommy" etc. If you say just 'no' for everything, they start to tune you out. By stating their name with it, you personalize it and they're more likely to listen.
P.S. Don't even worry about the lady 'disgusted' with you for venting natural frustration about your child. It's the moms who never admit the frustration that worry me. They bottle it up and guess who it comes out at....the kids!
2006-08-31 17:01:17
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answer #1
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answered by littleangelfire81 6
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Try not to let him see you mad! you are not alone, the terrible two's are common. I have never smacked my kids, they are now 31,30,17 and 15 and are good kids. Time out is good, not alone in bedrooms or stuff like that, find a place you can put him and see him, each time he does a really bad thing just pick him up, sit him in his 'naughty' place and tell him what he's done wrong, tell him he is going to sit there until he can be a good boy.Keep it simple as he is only 2. If he gets up, put him back without saying anything, ignore screams etc, when he has been ok for a short time say 2 mins, pick him up, give him a cuddle and ask him to be a good boy, tell him that if he does whatever again you will put him back in the 'naughty place' it is time consuming and you need to be determined, show him you are the adult, take control back!! Persevere because it does work, my grandson is 2 and a half and he responds to this. Good luck!!
2006-08-31 21:51:35
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answer #2
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answered by pottydotty 4
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Start by committing the first entire day to tackling the problem if you haven't already. Designate an unstimulating area in the home for time outs lasting no more than two minutes at a time. When time outs are over explain why he has been there, how it made you feel because children love to please their parents, he also needs to apologize for the offense and end the session with a hug. If the same offense keeps occuring I would recommend taking away privaledges of your choosing what is best for your child. I wouldn't recommend spanking however, you are wanting to teach your child that physical violence is wrong and that message won't be understood properly if you are punishing him that way. Good luck and keep at it. Remember, it is also called terrible two's for a reason. THis is the age where they are really testing their boundaries.
2006-08-31 16:50:02
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answer #3
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answered by wtrmlnqueen 2
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It can be extremely difficult to raise a strong-willed child and a lot of people don't seem to understand, they assume it's bad parenting, but with a willful child that is certainly not the case. It may take several years to bring such a youngster to a point of obedience and cooperation, it certainly won't be a quick fix, that's for sure, but it can be done. Your son will probably have an assertive temperament all of his life, but that's just the way it is.
Don't panic and don't try to fix him overnight. Treat him with love and dignity but require him to follow your leadership. Choose the matters that are worthy of confrontation, accept his challenge on those issues and then win the battle. Bottom line - you have to make sure he knows that your in charge - and that he can be accountable for his behavior. Be confident and firm, " be the boss ", if you believe it, so will your little general. Good luck!
2006-08-31 18:06:07
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answer #4
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answered by trieghtonhere 4
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Call Nanny 911!!!
Don't hit, or yell. Spanking can be appropriate in very few situations. Normally that just shows them that you are angry and out of control, which they fuel on. Also, you feel bad afterwards. So it's a double negative.
The timeout thing is a good idea. Make sure it's not somewhere that he enjoys being, because that won't work. Use a corner or an empty room. But don't forget about him because it will make him more angry.
Also, reward his good behavior. The terrible twos can be trying but you'll get through it!
2006-08-31 16:38:23
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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You've had some interesting feedback, I do feel for you though for the a%# H*&le comments that seem to come regardless of knowledge, obviously some of these people do not have children, nor have no idea what it takes to raise a child.
I have a four year old and there are still times when he drives me absolutely nuts!!!!!!! I get frustrated with him, it's common.
What worked the best for me during the terrible two's (more like 2 1/2+) depended on the behaviour.
The yelling, wether in the mall, at grandma's house or in my home, I would ignore it. I would get up and walk away. It's difficult not to get embarrased because people do judge. I just couldn't deal with trying to talk to him when he was so worked up, I would then get frustrated and we would butt heads. I would wait until he had calmed down, then talk to him about his hissy fit. I would start off the conversation with saying, "I understand that your upset, I know that you really wanted to stay and play at the park, but it is time to go home." (I eventually tried a timer, like an egg timer that actually dinged when time ran out, so that he had a visual manipulate to see what 5 more minutes looked like)
I would also do a form of social training, you give him a hypothetical situation and then offer him options. Coping skills that you would find socially appropriate. Different scenarios regarding him not getting his way. For example, instead of hitting, try stomping your feet, not necessarily the best coping but much better than being physically aggressive toward you or others.
Deep breathing works as well, but you need to lead, teach him how it feels to breath out all the poopy anger and through it away so he can use his words to tell mom why he's so upset.
Biting, sorry no cure all there. My son goes to daycare with a child that is a biter, he's now been biten so many times that he knows how much it hurts and that it's not ok. Unpopular, but maybe try biting him back. I know a lot of people wouldn't go for that, it does need to be instant, he would associate the biting to the pain that he feels. (i'm not talking breaking the skin or anything, just something to shock him)
Another thing I did with my son was to cry and really let him know when he has hurt my feelings or physically hurt me.
The slapping you really need to be constant (as with everything of course), you grab his hands, look him right in the eye and tell him that hitting is not nice, he needs to have nice hands! Be stern and let him know that you mean it.
Tone, eye contact and attention (in a room with little or no distraction ie turn tv off, music off ect.) have a lot of effect. Your two year old wants to please you, he wants you to be happy and proud of him. Lots of praise when he does make good choices (what you deem appropriate, coping skills that you've taught him) Even if you sound like a crazy person be joyous about even the littlest things. So often we discipline the unwanted but forget to reinforce the behaviour that we are looking for.
It will get better, just remember that this is totally normal, he is frustrated because of his lack of communication skills. We are taught how to communicate, it does not come naturally.
Take care, take a time out for yourself if you start feeling really frustrated (the bonus of that is that your son probably really likes having you around, when you remove yourself he will see that as something that is not good, it might just be motivation enough)
Peace.
ps go get a massage, you deserve it, remember to take care of yourself so you don't get burnt out!
2006-08-31 17:11:06
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answer #6
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answered by peacein 2
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How frustrating that must be for you. He has hit the terrible twos.
It seems as if you and your son are having a power struggle. You are the parent. You must take control. If your son hits you or slaps or any of those things that you described, he should be given a time out. Find a chair or someplace that he must sit when he needs a time out and take him there. If he gets up you must take him back. IF he screamsgive him a time out. It is important that if you are giving a time out that you explain that if his behavior continues you will give him a time out and if his behavior does not stop, take him to the place where he is to have his time out. Eventually, his behavior will change . It is important to be consistent with what you do. So that means ANYTIME he exhibits this behavior, you must give him a time out. If you are inconsistent, his behavior will never change.
Be patient and don't give up. It gets better after a while.
2006-08-31 16:49:46
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answer #7
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answered by cbellsew 3
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i have 2 and a half years with the same problem. Try two things: distraction ( main loves Thomas The tank engine, so i can put that on the TV at any time. That's help a bit) Don't slap, don't shout - your kiddo will accept that is the right model of behaviour. I use hug, even if he is hurting me i don't hurt back and explaining to him that is bad. At the beginning Hug method i thought i will kill him eventually, but after few days he is more calm and so do I
2006-09-01 02:16:20
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answer #8
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answered by Everona97 6
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I saw a show on unruly toddlers the other day (on "Surviving Motherhood") and the childcare specialist said that the biggest reason that toddlers continue to act out is because parents aren't consistent ~ meaning ~ you can't just give them what they want to shut them up or they'll learn that this behavior works. If you say NO... don't give in when your son throws a fit. Time outs are great... but you have to stick with it... if he gets up you have to keep taking him back to the spot until he stays for the set amount of time (one minute per year old)... which can sometimes mean walking back and forth for an hour until the kid gives in and realizes you're not going to bend. Pick your battles... but when you do... don't lose!
Best wishes.
2006-08-31 17:05:23
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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Do some research on night terrors. My two and a half year old son has these and they can be quite frightening. I have found that putting him to bed a half hour earlier can make a world of difference as the terrors often happen when he is over tired. Read up on this subject and you may find some answers like I did. Good luck.
2016-03-27 02:58:07
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answer #10
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answered by Eva 4
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