Ten points for a good joke?

Answer 1

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer...

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.


Men keep'a scrollin'...



So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

Answer 2

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, 'My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!' As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. He said, 'That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?' The guy catches his breath, then says, 'Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the asshole who pushed me in the pool!'

Answer 3

This is kind of a dirty joke I found on ebaumsworld.com.

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you.... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Answer 4

An Aussie was sitting at a bar in Sydney when
this huge, burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says,"That's
a karate chop from Korea."

Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.

The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor. "That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.

The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out.
The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that was a f*ckin' crowbar from Bunnings."

Answer 5

Three bikers were setting around the campfire one night. Two of them got into a argument about which one of them was the biggest bada**.





The first claimed he was the baddist and pulled out his knife and cut off his left hand.





The second said " That ain't nothing" and pulled his knife out and cut off his left hand and forearm.





They both turned and looked in the direction of the third biker.
He didn't say a word. He just sat there stirring the coals of the fire with his ****.

Answer 6

So, there was this magic eraser, right. And he lived in an old school house deep in the forest, see. And his job was to erase things, yea, but one day he said.. I don't want to erase anymore.
So he didn't!

hahahahahhahaa get it .. isn't it greattt hahahah!

Answer 7

There were 3 guys going to a hotel.The first friend said "it looks like its going to rain."so the second friend said "who is going to bring the umbrella."the third friend said"i am going to bring but do not eat untill i come."the other two friends said "ok."
After five hours the secong friend said "he is taking too much time where is he,he just went to bring the umbrella."so the first friend said "lets eat food we cant wait any longer."so when they start eating food, the third friend called from outside"dont eat food or i wont bring the umbrella."

Answer 8

What does a snail say when riding on a back of a turtle?



Wheeeeee!

Answer 9

this will get guys most of time.

joker: there are 3 black roosters sitting on a fence. how many beaks do they have?

jokie: 3

joker: how many wings do they have?

jokie: 6?

joker: how many feet do they have?

jokie: 6?

joker: there is a white cat in the bushes fixing to pounce. how many teath is the cat missing?

jokie: hell i dont know

punchline: you mean to tell me you know more about black c oc k than white p u s sy?

Answer 10

don't worry, be sad ^ ^