How can I stop feeling like I am such a bad mommy?

Question

My son uses a paci, watches TV, plays by himself alot, we live in an apartment so he doesn't get to play outside a whole lot....I just feel like I am doing everything wrong!

He's 17 months old.

Answer 1

Try to take him to the park. Set play dates with other kids... You're not a bad mom a lot of people live in an apartment.

Answer 2

The natural age of human weaning from the breast falls between 2.5 and 7 years of age. Keeping that in mind, if he isn't nursing then his need to suck on a pacifier would be a very normal substitute to fulfill this natural need for a child his age.

As long as he's not sitting in front of the TV all day and you have some idea what he's watching and if it's appropriate, letting him watch some TV is fine. Just be sure to try to keep a limit on how much screen time he gets per day.

You say he plays by himself a lot. Do you play with him sometimes too? Playing on his own is good. But he also needs to learn to take turns and share with others. Are there any other kids his age around your apartment that he could have playdates with?

Is there a park nearby so you could take him to play outside every now and then? Maybe stop there for a bit on the way to the store or make a weekly park date with some other kids?

You're concerned about him.....that shows that you really care about being a good mom to him. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Answer 3

I think you aren't a bad mom because you nurture your son and are with him all the time. I have an 18 month old, and except for the pacifier, he does all those things that you say your son does. My son watches TV but like Sesame Street and Elmo. My son also has independent play time. Alot doesn't mean all the time, I'm sure. We live in an apartment also and doesn't get out side very much either because we have one car and my husband works, and also it's too hot to walk anywhere to a park. We do alot of stimulation though and I feel I'm a good mom because I'm there for my son. Alot of people never get as much love or nurturing from their moms, if at all. Stop feeling this way by starting to be with your son more. He loves you so much and you love him and you guys will find a way.

Answer 4

Beacause you ask this question I do not think you are a bad mommy! If you didn't care then you would be. You sound like maybe you are just a little depressed. Try getting out and going for walks...I know you don't feel like it but it will help. It is hard being stuck in an apartment all day long. I understand I have a 4 month old and no car, we are stuck in a lot, I go for a lot of walks and I joined a mommy and me group at my local church, it is free, there is a lot of things to do, you get to meet a lot of other moms, and they will come pick you up and take you guys out or they will come over and your kids can play together. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I know how you feel. It's normal to feel that you're not doing the best possible for your son. But, at 17 months, he really should not be watching a lot of TV; some experts would say he should watch TV at all. Others would say about a hour a day of age-appropriate TV is the maximum for a child that age.

If he plays be himself, that's really good at that age. Most children that age don't play with other children yet. Have you looked into forming a play group? If you know of other mothers with children the same age as yours, you could start one. Or go to a community center and post a notice there to start one. I know it was a big help for me when my kids were little.

Try to spend time with him every day. Give him things from around the house to play with (old pots, plastic containers) and play with him. Take him outside and with you wherever you go. And keep talking to him. He'll learn a lot from you when you talk to him constantly -- even about the most mundane things.

Don't worry so much. Enjoy your son, love him like crazy, and spend time with him. You'll both be fine.

Answer 6

Sounds like me and my daughter's life! She's three, still uses the paci, watches tv and plays by herself. Trust me, you are doing a good job. Try looking at it a different way - what things does your son do really well or is ahead of developmentally. Then, give yourself credit for that because he would have never achieved that without you.

We all think we are doing everything wrong but very rarely look at all the things we are doing right. I know it's hard but don't worry! You're a good mom.

Oh, and by the way - I personally think it's terrific he can play by himself - I bet he has a great imagination to be able to keep himself entertained.

Answer 7

Dont worry about the paci.Just let him help you with everything you do. Turn off the TV or sit and watch it with him. Say look, red elmo....do you see the horse....horse says nay....what does the horse say? Get crayons, go to the public library. Join the YMCA for free if you dont have much income. Let him play in the free daycare for an hour while you exercise. You will be more energetic to play with him and he will meet some other kids. Find out when mcdonald has there playday. Take him there once a week. Go to the local library kid section and read books while there. Just getting out of the apartment helps. Go to indoor basket ball court and roll ball with him. usually at the YMCA. call 211 united way which is a free national line and ask for a free parenting class to get more ideas. Join a local church which usually has social womens groups with other children that they can play with. I just started being a stay at home mom and had the same problem. Just continue to ask and watch other moms.

Answer 8

At seventeen months, he sounds as if he is doing fine. Don't stress yourself out over too many little things. You can gradually take the "paci" away within the next months. Have you tried making friends with any other Moms in your neighborhood? A lot of cities and towns have Mommie and Me classes at schools and or churches in the area. Check with your local hospital also, they set up a lot of programs for the people in the area around them. You may want to even speak with his doctor, and see if he can give you some leads into socializing a bit more with your son; it will be great for both of you. Spend some time playing with him every day, so that he is not spending too much time in front of the tv, and he will be fine. Try to take him out a bit more, when weather permits, if there is a local park take him there; you may be able to interact with a few more parents and children also. All Moms have this feeling every once in awhile, so don't stress yourself out. If there is someone else in your family, sister or cousin with a child or children around your son's age, try to visit back and forth with them so that he will have other kids and adults to socialize with. Hope this info helps, hug that precious child and relax. You will be fine and so will he. Have a great night!

Answer 9

There is nothing with using a paci... you do need to start weaning off around 2 though (or hopefully before the temper tantrums start) or it will be more difficult.

Nothing wrong with watching TV, unless he watches more than 1-2 hours a day.

Absolutely nothing wrong with playing by himself. Kids that age tend to discover things (by playing) on their own. They do not play with others yet.

Give yourself a break. No mother is perfect. No mother is born to know everything there is about raising a child. Takes time, patience and practice. Sounds like you are doing just fine. Go to babycenter.com, there are lots of good articles and advice.

Answer 10

Oh, stop. You're doing fine.

1) If he uses a pacifier past age 2, then it's time to stop. Right now, you're okay.
2) Watches TV? A couple of hours a day is perfectly fine. As long as it's not Dawn of the Dead.
3) Doesn't play outside? Just take him to the park every couple of days. Find another mother and arrange a play date.

As long as you hug a lot. Every parent has shortcomings. And the more the love you give, better you'll do. Just be consistent and kind.

Answer 11

Well, for one, I don't see anything wrong with using a pacifier or watching a little TV... I think people obsess on little things like that too much without looking at the big picture. If he's healthy and happy, then you are doing a good job. I have 16-month old twin girls and they are usually on opposite sides of the house playing, so I think it's perfectly normal for a child that age to play by himself. And, I also live in an apartment so they don't go outside a whole lot, but they do every once in awhile and I think that's just fine. It's been too damn hot, lately, to spend much time outside (unless it's in a pool) anyway :-p The one time they did spend a lot of time outside recently, they started to get sunburned (even with me slathering baby sunblock on them constantly :-p)...

Really, stop beating yourself up... even if you aren't perfect, who cares? That little boy doesn't... to him, you're the most perfect mommy in the world!!