I need some serious help here. A good friend of mine is 33 and was dating a guy for 2 years. He broke up with her 15 months ago. He moved across the country with his new girlfriend, got engaged to her and eventually moved back. Now he and his wife-to-be live less than a mile from my friend.
My friend can't let him go. Here are the facts:
She reads his e-mail and blogs almost daily.
She reads the wife-to-be's blogs almost daily.
She looked them up online and drives by their new house.
She has been in therapy over a year.
She has tried anitdepressants.
She has not been on one single date since the break up.
She talks about him daily.
He has not contacted her since the break up.
He does not respond to her e-mails.
What can I do to get my friend to move on?! She's starting to drive me crazy, and I feel really bad for her. I don't understand how someone can be this obsessed over something that is over.
2006-08-31 14:20:37 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Your friend has self image problems period!
She is danger to herself!
She needs to find a healthier focus! Like............
Volunteer in an old folks home, they can always use help to have someone read, feed and just be a friend for a couple of hours a week. That way she can stop focusing on her misfortune.
She could also be grateful for friends like you!
I wish there were more friends out there like you. However, if she keeps this up, even you will not be able to sustain this friendship. I don't understand people like this either but mental illness comes in so many forms----you just never know because no such behaviour is normal.
She is a perfect example that art imitates life. The film "Fatal Attraction" comes to mind; with Michael Douglas and Glenn Close. A bright, beautiful and professionally accomplished women going nuts over a finished relationship.
2006-08-31 15:08:03 · answer #1 · answered by Notorious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid there isn't much you can do for her. A breakup is a loss, and people need to go through a mourning process.
I had a "break-up" with my best friend nearly two years ago, and I am STILL struggling with it. I finally stopped all attempts to contact her or get her attention this past February. (We had sort of a WIll and Grace thing going on...).
I talked about it in therapy group TODAY as a matter of fact, and the counselor noted that after such a loss, it can take up to two years to go through the mourning process. I can relate to your friend, because I displayed all kinds of inappropriate behavior after the "break-up." That was just part of the mourning I had to do. But it was dysfunctional, because I ended up in jail a few nights, and drove drunk, and got in trouble at my university (I WAS a graduate student until February...), and much of it stemmed from my despondency over losing her friendship, and lacking the coping skills needed to deal with it.
I feel that last February was the first point where I truly even attempted to let it go, and now I need to mourn the loss in an appropriate manner, and that will likely take the "two years" my counselor mentioned. Even that's not a guarantee - but the point is, it will take TIME.
Her mourning period must run its course, and I know you must be frustrated not being able to do anything. But you must be careful for YOURSELF - otherwise, you may get too emotionally invested in her problem, and it will cause problems for you.
I wish I could tell you something more uplifting, but this is the best I can do.
Love, Jack.
2006-08-31 23:03:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's pretty awful that her ex-boyfriend moved less than a mile from her. It sounds like he went out of his way to rub your friend's nose in his new relationship. He's probably reading her e-mails to his new girlfriend and they're both laughing about it.
Why don't you tell her that? If she realizes that she's doing exactly what he wants her to do, perhaps she'll realize that he's not worth the heartache.
If you're convinced his motives are innocent, then she needs to hear how abnormal her actions are from someone who can be truly objective. Tell her to see a therapist.
2006-08-31 21:47:39 · answer #3 · answered by katnkaboodle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is probably right that he would be better off with her rather than his wife if she feels that strongly about it but guys want what's comfy and easy
Unfortunately the guy probably wont ever realize it so she should give up eventually; but that doesnt mean she isnt right for trying to get him away from that woman. . it's like their heads are made of brick, it's impossible to help some people, they (meaning the guy) needs to just learn for himself. I commend your friend for feeling so strongly about someone and sticking with it--curious how the wife would feel if he did like your friend better . .probably she would deny her feelings if she had any in the first place
2006-08-31 22:05:43 · answer #4 · answered by isis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think she needs to let go,do u know if he is getting a hold of her at anytime, saying things like i really love you still etc....If he is go to him and tell him to stop because it is really doing damage to your friend,but if hes not she really needs to go to counseling and somehow she has to understand it is over,time will heal its just a matter of her letting go, don't give up on her though as much as its getting to you. but i would also keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid, the ex shouldn't have moved back so close to her, that was cruel.take care.have you tried introducing to anyone else.
2006-09-04 12:13:22 · answer #5 · answered by annie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her and let her know how outrageous her actions are. if more than one of you see it, take her to lunch and talk to her. Tell her that she needs to start to move on. I had a rough break up too...not to this extreme but it took my friends telling me that it was OVER for me to relaize what I had been doing. Your friend just has a broken heart and broken dreams. Give her somethign to focus on.
2006-08-31 21:27:20 · answer #6 · answered by dazee052 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well just be there for moral support. Sometimes we tend to hand break ups,differently than others.Some take longer than others.As her friend just be support try to get her involved in differ ant activities to take her mind off her ex.Eventually she would see the light and come around.
2006-08-31 22:01:30 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Ice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious...she needs someone else to get her mind off of him. If she had another man taking up her time she wouldnt have time to think about a man who DONT WANT HER. She is psysco, and needs to get a life. Tell her to get a hobbie
2006-08-31 21:42:42 · answer #8 · answered by vanillasweetnes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that what she is doing borders on stalking and if she continues they will probably file a restraining order. Tell her that you love her but if she continues she will definately need to get some counseling.
2006-08-31 21:37:57 · answer #9 · answered by rltouhe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people are just mental like that, she is a sick person
2006-08-31 21:29:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋