question for those of you at least over 25.....need good advice.?

Question

been seeing someone for a little while now..... a really great guy.
It's a very new relationship-- about a month.
My trouble is trying to manage my feelings. I am a single mother-- my five year old son's dad died four years ago.
Having raised my son alone, I am not looking to date for fun, and i don't involve people I date with my son so that he doesn't become attatched and get confused.
This man I'm seeing is absolutely wonderful. He is the brother of a friend, and I already know his family. It's been a short time, but I have very strong feelings for him.....
He feels the same, and he cares about my son. (he has met him in group situations a few times.)
I can't help but wonder if it's abnormal to feel so strongly so soon?
I'm not normally like this-- I mean, of course, any new realtionship is fun and exciting in the beginning.... but this feels different.
Should I try to back off of this a little? Or is it possible to sort of 'know' that things are right this soon?

Answer 1

It can be scary to feel this way when something is so new, but sometimes that happens and even if you choose to back off, that doesn't mean those feelings will go away. Who are you really afraid of hurting? You or your son? If you continue to keep him away from your son, then the only person that could get hurt is you and you will never give yourself the chance to be happy if you don't ever take that risk....
I say go for it, but if you really feel the need to slow down, then talk with the guy about it and then do so. Just don't spend as much time together. In any relationship, you still need time for yourself.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Its normal to like someone this soon. My friend and her husband met each other when she was 17. Six months to the day they met they married, its been 12 years now. Anyway, you must be honest with yourself you must make sure you are not seeking a mate for the reasons you listed above, but because you love him. If he posses all the wonderful things you say he does then he should have no problem accepting, loveing, and becomeing a father to your son.

I also suggest you tell the new friend how you feel and discuss if the feeling is mutual. Second, tell him your situation with your son and that you expect a commited relationship with anyone you introduce your son to.

You must also accept the fact that this person is not born to know what to expect in a relationship with a kid, if he backs out after meeting your kid, just be careful the next time and don't intorduce everyone as dad. I commend you on being careful but this is a sad reality of single parenting.At the same time, you need to go on living your life too.

I have been in this situation myself as a single parent . All the things I told you to do, I have done. My boyfriend and I dated a year before introducing him to my kids. My b/f walked into a ready made family with responsibilites, he could have turned and ran from. However after six and a half years he is still here and we have a two year old child together. We are just fine. It does work when you are open and honest and quite guessing and worring

Answer 3

I'm also a single mother in a new relationship.... and I find myself in the same dilemma.... the only difference is that we were friends first so he has been around my son for awhile. If you both think that you have the same feelings for each other then I would see where it takes you. Your son is five so talking to him would be a start. Ask him if he remembers your guy and see what he thinks of him. Children can sense who is genuine and who's not. But i would also not rush anything you have time and if this guy cares for you the way he says then he should have no problem hanging around for awhile....you have to trust yourself and your decisions everybody makes mistakes that's the only way you learn and grow......So trust you and take the steps you think you are ready for it's the only way you'll know if it's true.....

Answer 4

I'm going to tell you a story about another young widow that I knew very well. She was 29 years old when her 27 year old husband died from a brain tumor. She also was left with a young son who was 3 at the time. She began seeing men a couple of years later but would not bring any home for about 5 years. She always swore that she would never remarry as no man was ever going to take her house. She had a hard life as her son was very ill at 8 years old and almost died but she looked after her son to the best of her ability and she started to date a man shortly after her son returned from a 6 month hospitalization. She continued to see this man for 40 years and they were very good friends. He had a bit of a drinking problem and she has never drank or smoked her entire life but they were good companions for one and other. She felt awful when this man passed away last year but continues to live her live for herself and her family, now in it's 4th generation.
So what I guess I am trying to say to you is that you should allow your instincts to guide you in your quest for the right answer. Sometimes we don't trust and/or listen to what our instincts are telling ourselves. Perhaps you have found the gem that will help to make your life complete and will accept your son as if it was his own. Please do not shortchange yourself or your happiness. We are only on this planet for a very short period of time so make the most of each and every day. I am sorry to hear that you are such a young widow and wish nothing but the best for your young son. Hopefully if you choose to take the plunge and allow this man to enter into your life he will be a positive role model to your son. How do I know the other woman that I spoke off. She in my opinion is the greatest mother in the world, for she is my mom. Best of luck to you in making a wise decision.

Answer 5

ok u said responses from people 25 n older but i still would like u to hear my opinion...by the way im 16

anyway...........like u already kno...when u first start out in a relationship it is very exciting and all kinda of feelings are rushin thru ur mind......sometimes them feelings can be right tho.....but in my opinion just to be safe u should wait a lil while longer until u make some real decisions on gettin real serious about him...cuz u never kno.....just because u really like him and have these feelings for him does not mean that u should rush everything else into this and get ur son caught up in this.........take it slow for awhile.....time will tell and is the safer way to go


hope i helped in some way

Answer 6

This is a perfect time to "put on the brakes" emotionally for a bit; slow down and give yourself a chance to really look at your relationship; the things that are great and some that may need some improvement. The beginning is a very fragile time in relationships; this is usually the time when we close our eyes to things that we honestly should examine. Take care and slow down; taking things one day at a time is some pretty good advice.

Answer 7

I'm not sure if you've been dating for these past 4-3 years, but my advice would be to talk this over with this guy your seeing and let him know that you enjoy how things are moving, but that the pace is something your not use to. I wouldn't back off only because it may send mixed messages. Be honest. It sounds like you two are both on the same page in terms of how you feel...along with the question of...Why so soon do we feel so strong?....Usually when things feel right it's because they are, you sound like you've been very cautious in who you date so I would say....trust yourself and your judgment and just keep ridding this wave....you deserve to be happy and to be loved...treat yourself to what your feeling and experiencing.

Answer 8

No. I say go for it. I am in a similar situation, but mine is even more complicated then yours. I met this guy online in March, and I think by the end of April I had already had strong feelings for him without even meeting him and please don't judge me. He will be home in two weeks from Iraq, and we have been talking now for about 6 months. He calls me, we send pictures, and we have wrote letters the entire time to get to know one another, but how he got me to stay was every time we talked he would acknowledge me, and then ask me how my daughters day went (she's 6). He knows that it will be a while before he meets her if things kick off between us, but he knows I am a package deal and accepts it. I had everyone in my ear telling me you met him online, and what if you meet him and it's not what you think.

So I asked my 75-year-old grandma what she thought, and she said you only live once. Don't live this life with regrets, and if it don't work out move on, but what ever flow your heart wants to flow at let it. Damn what people say, and damn what people think because at the end of the day all that matters is your happiness. She said that sometimes we can block the blessings that god puts in our life, and who are we to let other people judge how god puts a blessing in our life just because of what they think or would not do. So I am going to say take the same advice my grandma gave me and run with it. I hope you don't wait around until someone says yes "this" is the way you life was suppose to go for you or yes I approve of how "this" came into your life because if you do you are going to let life pass you by. I am 26-years-old, and a single mom and right now all I want to be is happy. If that means finding someone online so be it. If that means falling in love with a guy I have only been in a relationship with for a month so be it. I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY, and with all the trials I have been through in my life I deserve to be happy.

So follow your heart on this one............

Sorry for the long answer, and good luck.

Answer 9

Give it more time. As far as your feelings go only you can answer that. Maybe you're falling for him who knows. Good point in keeping your son not too involved it is confusing when mommy dates and dates he thinks he's got too many daddys. I agree keep your son in the distance for now until you're sure that you're sure that this is the guy you want to be with. As far as him caring for your son that's great. I hope it all works out. Just take your time.

Answer 10

Dont back off. Enjoy it! Dont over analyze it. It's great you are so cautious for your son's sake, that is showing you are a great mama. But as for now with the new guy, just dont rush. Enjoy it. Take is slow....but wait at least 6 months before introducing your son into major activities of just the three of you.... and even then, he's just a friend. :) At 5, kids get attached easily and it would double the heartache.

As for "knowing", I believe you can. Because its not at first site. But you got to know him, his morals, his beliefs, his family and you are still crazy for him. I think it's a great sign!