Considering a relationship with a man with demons in his past. Is a person able to change?

Question

I had been divorced for two years and met one loser after another and suddenly I met a man who finally treated my with respect and attention that I have never gotten before. Once things were going strong, he wanted to take it to another level of seriousness but before doing so he had to clear the air. About 10 years ago he was convicted of a sex crime. He has gone to jail, undergone psychotherapy and his therapist said that he is ready to date and has successfully dealt with the anger and other issues. All I know, is that I laugh with him, share with him, and enjoy our friendship, but am not sure if I will ever be able to get past his offense, so I am keeping my distance romantically and am dating other men again, but I keep in touch with him as he understands me like no other man. In order for me to accept him as a boyfriend, would I have to understand what made him go off the deep end like that? If he has managed his demons, does it matter? I asked this yesterday, but need clarity

Answer 1

I don't know the level of his crime but it sounds like it was real serious,I know people can change but people that has had anger problems to me scares me away,,I mean I would constantly be worrying that I might say or do something to set him off..No one can really tell you what to do only you know this man and your heart..I totally believe in trusting your instincts..Just be extra careful..You yourself is the one that counts..and if you have children that's another red flag to consider...I don't know how long you've known this man but I would make it a long friendship to really get to know the real person from the inside out..Be careful..

Answer 2

i think you have allready answered this question yourself dear,
if you were considering a relationship with him why do you date other men, you said he had to deal with his ANGER. it would make him angry if you are two timing him, would it not,
at first when you met him you say he treated you with - respect & attention, but he would do, he would want to make a more than good impression before he dropped his bombshell, wouldnt he,
you say things were going strong but as soon as he told you his secret you began knocking around,
you dont mention what his offence was BUT it must of been really bad, well you were going strong but now you date other men,
only you know if he is worth the effort, HE has put all his cards on the table, its YOU who is not being honest,
if you have met a man who sounds perfect in every way does his past really matter, what if he had never told you, i think if you want this man get to know ALL about him his friends & family, his full background, then if you still feel the same finish it, BUT dont keep him hanging on why you go out playing the field, he has been truthful, you should do the same,

Answer 3

Some people change, but it's rare. It's a sex crime, which is pretty bad. Unless he had sex with someone who was almost legal, I'd assume that he forced himself on someone or was a pedophile. Maybe you should google his name to find out more info.

I say find a man who treats you nicely without that kind of baggage because you'll kick yourself if you turn out being wrong for trusting him.

I know it can be tough out there and you feel bad, but you need to protect yourself, first.

You will find someone right in time. Just stay positive. I'm starting over, too. Good luck. (try eHarmony.com)

Answer 4

Go to couple's counseling. I can deal with a past of drugs or promiscuity but a sex offense is a whole other level. So I would say give counseling a shot and see if it's something you can deal with.

Answer 5

Do you have children if so stay away Better safe than sorry. What kind of sex crime was it who was it against we really need more info

Answer 6

you can do anything you put your mind too. People make mistakes and learn from them after all we're only human. I'm sure you'll find someone

Answer 7

Steer clear of him. Meet new people and date others.