13 year old daughter?

Question

My daughter is 13 already, but she has changed a lot. She never talks to me or my husband anymore, the only thing she actually asks us for is to go out with her friends. But otehr times she doesn't even ask. They just show up and pick her up. Her friends are..not the best people. I know she is smoking already since I found ciggerates in her room. I have a feeling that she was been doing things much worse than that. Anyone have any advice on how I could talk to her or something?

Answer 1

Sit down with her tell her how you feel. Tell her you understand what she's going through, but there will be some consequences for what she does, if she keeps doing them. Be there for her.

Answer 2

Quit trying to talk to her, be the parent. There is absoluty no reason why your daughter's friends should be picking her up without your permission. You are the parent she should only do what you say she can do and everytime you let her get away with something like that she is learning how much further she can push the envelope. You should sit down and tell her (not talk to her, not ask her), tell her things are going to be changing! Tell her what exactly you want her to do and how you want her to behave. Then tell her the consequences if she doesn't obide by your wishes. It also will be more effective if your husband is there with you and you do this together. Now the consequences need to be sever and you need to make sure you fallow threw because guarented she is going to test you. You know the things your daughter likes best maybe it is designer cloths (take those away give her three outfits to wear if she breaks your rules), maybe it is the computer, or walking to school with her friends. Hit her where it hurts, show her you mean business. You need to nip her acting out in the but now cause it is only going to get worse. If you do this I would put money on the fact that eventually her group of friends will change and her attitude will change. I bet she will start talking to you again as well. When she does start talking again you need to make sure you listen but listen as a parent not as a friend. (Compassion is okay but don't try to be a friend and parent) Children for some reason don't show or have respect for parents that don't show authority instead the kids brag about how cool their parents are and how they can do whatever they want. Which is something you don't want. You don't want to be the cool parent you want to be the parent that doesn't let your daughter out of the house till her homework is done or the mean parent. You will have many years to be her friend and compainon when she is an adult right now your only goal should be to make her a better person than you and succeed in life more than you have. (I don't mean that in a mean way I just mean we should all want our children to be better than we are.) Good luck just remeber you are the parent! Oh and as for the smoking thing...Next time you catch her with smokes if it isn't a full pack take her with you to the store buy a pack of camel non-filters, go home and tell her she has to smoke the whole package (of course she doesn't have to just make her smoke enough to get her sick and make sure not to give in too soon). Once she has smoked till she is sick I guarnette you she won't smoke again because she is going to wake up the next morning still feeling like crap. Her throat will hurt, she will sweat nicotine all the next day and have what I like to call a nicotine hangover. Then the next time she even smells someone else smoking it will make her feel sick.

Answer 3

You need to sit her down and tell her that she is just a kid and you understand that she wants to do stuff with her friends, that she also needs to understand that family comes first.If she don't take advantage of it now when she gets married and has a family of her own, family time with you and your husband will be a goner. I got married at 16 had a kid at 17 and another at 18 I hardly ever get to see my Mom and Dad even when i need them the most. The smoking and whatever she is doing has got to stop. If she wants any kind of future what so ever. I know you know that. Locking her up won't do the trick so scaring her to death will have to. This may not be the advice that you want but i was once 13 and didn't talk to my mom and dad very much about my problems and look where it landed me. I love my kids and my husband so much. But, I wish I could of been a kid first.

Answer 4

Congratulations! You now have a teenager on your hands!

Basically, your daughter is just trying to assert her independence and become more grown up. Speak to her as if she were an adult. Tell her that you're concerned about the kinds of people she's hanging out with and the choices she's making.

Confront her with the cigarettes. Ask her to explain why these are in her room. If she admits to smoking, ask her why she's smoking when she knows all of the hazards associated with cigarretes.

She isn't a little kid anymore so now you need to rethink some rules that are more age-appropriate. Set some boundaries. Tell her directly when her curfew is and that she must ask permission before going out. This shows responsibility and consideration, which she needs to develop.

Answer 5

I think you need to make some very clear boundaries with her, and spend more time asking about her interests. She will probably be more inclined to open up to you being her mother. There isn't a lot you can do about her friends, but when she going out with them, find out where she is going, who she will be with and tell her to be home at a certain time. As far as smoking goes, at her age it is illegal to buy cigarettes, so obviously someone is buying them for her. She will continue to insist on her independence and probably start to resent you when you start laying down the law, but in the long run she will thank you for caring and making rules, children like to know where they stand. Talk to her lots! Ask about her friends. Take her shopping or go for a milkshake, remember, she is only 13 and needs you to keep her safe and prevent her from making the wrong decisions

Answer 6

Just sit her down and talk to her. Why is she allowed to have friends that you do not approve of? Don't try to be her friend right now, she needs a parent and parents have to set limits for their children weather they like it or not. 13 is a scary time both for parents and the child. She is going through so many changes. Why would you not confront her about smoking are you afraid of her? If you don't take time to talk to her someone else will. She is going to say " Mom, I know all of that," tell her anyway. The time to be timid is when she is an adult and on her own. don't lose her to the streets or to someone who will come in and take the place of her parents.

Answer 7

i would agree with what one other woman said, don't be her friend, be her parents. looking back, i wish my mom was a more controlling mother instead of being lenient with me. if you don't set guidelines and boundaries now, things will get much more out of hand. you don't know what she's doing with friends, and when i was thirteen, i was getting into a lot of stuff i shouldn't have. i was smoking, both cigarettes and weed, drinking, and fooling around with guys. have you ever seen the movie "thirteen"? just sit her down and tell her what's up. ground her. she'll eventually come to her senses and realize that you just want the best for her.

good luck, i know this can be hard, but you can do this, it's something you need to do!

take care.

Answer 8

yea im 13 and im here to tell u that this is not a phase if u dont do something now she will keep on doing it talk to ask her how school is tell her u have been worried about her do not confront her about the smokes it just makes things worse it will make her think u were invading her privacy talk to her alone u know when shes brushing her teeth or something u may not know this but deep down inside she still loves u and may want to talk to u about something to be nice maybe offer to take her shopping first make it so she will be interested good luck sincerely marissa

Answer 9

Who is the parent here? When these so-called friends just pop drop in to pick her up tell her as$ she ain't goin nowhere. What state do they give u your license in at age 13 anyway? This would be a red flag for me, my daughter needs to be with kids her own age not older. What did u do when u found the cigarettes? Did u talk to her or just let it slide? That's whats wrong with these damn kids they get away with entirely to much $hit.

Answer 10

Who is the parent here? As a parent we are responsible for raising our children and teaching them the difference between right and wrong. This includes monitoring who our children hang out with and what is acceptable behavior and what is not. My child would take off once without my permission and I guarantee you it wouldn't happen again. You need to set firm rules and if they are broken, you need to set consequences for her actions. If you don't have rules your daughter will be probably start hanging out with the wrong crowd and start getting into trouble. It sounds like she might already be heading down that path now. Put a stop to it before it's to late.

Answer 11

ok well im 13 right now and the part were she wants nuthin to do with her parents well thats kinda of normal cuz right now i dont want any to do with my mom cuz i feel like she never under stands and well my dad he isnt in my life but wat i think u should do is just try to talk but dont push it why dont u try to make the frist move like just when u see her say hi and ask how was her day and hope fully she will respond and graduely u guys will start having conversations and about the smoking thing u should take all he cigerates out of her and then if she really wants them back shell have to talk to u and if u dont want her going out stand by the door dont let her out but most likely she just wants u to think shes doing stuff bad but she probaly isnt