How do you meet a mature single adult male?

Question

I have tried a few dating websites, yahoo personals & fixups by friends. I don't think I am being unreasonable in my list of qualities I am looking for.

I work too much (70 hrs a week), have a child (not living with me), been married twice, make plenty of money, live in a beautiful city. I am bipolar and stable, so I don't think that is really an issue.

I only have a few requirements of a potential mate - employed, intelligent, no live in kids, loves cats, that my child would like him, a moral person, more spiritual than religious, does not want more childern, close to or older than my age (my age being 39), not a fanatic about sports (ie. watching every sporting event on tv), kind and thoughtful....... Is this too much to ask?

What am I doing wrong? Help, any suggestions would be appreciated.

Answer 1

Actually, you are listing a lot more than a few requirements.

1) employed - okay, understandable
2) intelligent - okay, makes sense
3) no live in kids - if he is 39 or older there is a good possibility he might have a kid or two living with him. If not, the ex-wife may have custody
4) loves cats - okay, that is doable, but if he is a dog lover, he might not like cats
5) children like him - tough..you wont' know until you date him a significant amount of time
6) moral - tough..again it depends on your definition of moral
7) more spirtual than religious - that is fine
8) does not want any more children - that's tough..if the guy is well into his 40's..I think it is possible..but he may want more children though
9) around your age - not a problem
10) not a sports fanatic - Okay, most guys like at least one sport...so give him this at least..otherwise artistic type guys might not like sports..remember compromise is important
11) kind and thoughtful - reasonable to ask

Okay I just listed all of the requirements you asked. Eleven is not exactly a few. I don't want to upset you or anything..but you probably will have to compromise on a few or knock a few off...most guys cannot fit exactly what you want..I hope you are giving the guys you date a chance and not just eliminating a guy just because he doesn't fit the list perfectly.

Answer 2

Dating

Answer 3

Not if your personal ad read like this. The one kicker may be the bipolar as we all seem to know a woman with this disease today and women always feel that if they are now feeling good, - they are cured, - and then the medication stops. Then we find out they are not cured, - they are dangerous to themselves and others. My niece is diabetic and tells every prospective employer of her condition. She is therefore unemployed. And she is bipolar. She should not be upfront about either condition to a prospective employer as she will not get the job. It is against the law to not hire her for this reason, - but, - who says why she was not hired. She won't take her medication and is a b---- as a result. I have two sisters and three nieces that suffer from bipolar. Any time they think they are well, - they stop medication. Every family I know has a bipolar woman there somewhere. I would not get involved. Also men in your age group are going thru crisis and want the 20 year old bimbo. Stay on your medication, leave that part out of your profile, and remain optomistic. Love will come.

Answer 4

Working 70 hours a week is not conducive to an active love life. Add to the fact that you must spend time with your child and all the other little things we adults must do to survive, IE, pay bills, eat, sleep, makes me think that you have no time at all for your perfect man.
Two marriages puts up a red flag, in my opinion. It's hard to keep a good marriage going and you have struck out twice.
Of the requirements you list I strike out on only two of the twelve. I'm allergic to cats and I enjoy watching sports on TV.
But you sound like you require a lot of maintenance. So, I'll pass.
D

Answer 5

You are looking for someone who is 40 or older. Those are ussually the hardest to find. And you are also looing for a stable long term relationship and you dont seem to be willing to take some risks and try casual dating someone first.
You may have better chances if you try some casual dating, no one is saying sleep around, but you should be a bit more open minded than that perfect man list you have

Answer 6

Most men do not care for cats, some do, but very few. All the rest would be easy to find, depending on what City you live in.

If you posted where you live maybe someone would contact you for a friendship from here, who knows.

Just a tip, stay away from alcohol, the bi-polar thing and alcohol is a bad combination, also people who are not will or may become bi polar.

Answer 7

Hon, that's quite a list you have there. I think if you dropped the liking cats part, you would do better.
I like cats, but most men, seem to prefer dogs.
But with a long list, like yours, it is easy to see why it's taking so long for you to match up.
You can keep your list and keep looking and hoping, for Mr Right, or you can whittle your list down to a more reasonable level.
Employed, intelligent, Spiritual, no more kids, and loves you and your child.
Drop the sports thing and the cat fancier. It will give you a bigger pool to fish in.
Good Luck.

Answer 8

Maybe you should just take a break and let it happen naturally. Loves has a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it. Just hang out and do what you do and you'll meet him. It takes time, but it will feel more natural if you don't force it.

Go out with friends, go to a bar, club, dinner, etc, wherever you can have a good time. Good luck

Answer 9

church is the best place to meet someone, bars are the worst but a lot of good relationships have started in bar's. and l know some bad relationships that started in church as well. Get out of the house stay active try going to poetry readings or other social groups be careful and patient if you see a single guy you like give him a smile let him know you are interested.

Answer 10

Don't dwell too much on your expectations. You have a long list of requirements, and the chances of someone fitting ALL of them is slim.

Once you allow yourself to see all kinds of men, you'll realize that some suit your needs in ways you hadn't even thought of before, even though they don't meet every preconceived notion you had.

Let yourself go on blind dates, to singles dances, etc. with an open mind, and I bet you'll meet someone in no time!