My friend's dad is 63 and he's about to marry his fiancee who is 51 yrs old. They've been together for 6 years. My friend is not pleased at all - and is not going to attend the bachelorette nite - as she doesn't want the lady (who will be her step-mother) to replace her mother (who died 7 yrs ago).. she feels really bitter about the lady. The lady has 2 sons and they are teenagers 16 &18, but they have no respect for her fathers home.
My friend cannot understand why her dad wants to marry again, especially at his age. She's worried that the lady may have a motive and just waiting for him to die so she can inherit all his money. (The lady has a really good career, so I doubt she just wants him for his money, but what do I know!?)
The lady also drinks way too much alcohol which encourages her father to drink a lot too!! My friend is devastated about this.
Do you think she should give him her blessing?
2006-08-31 11:24:15 · 10 answers · asked by scorpion queen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Besides love, companionship, fear of boredom, fear of loneliness, someone to talk to, sex, then no, I have no idea why he might want to marry again. *Geez*
It's not really any of your friend's business. Her father has a right to do whatever he wants with his life.
No matter what happens, no one will ever replace her mother. And I doubt the father is trying to. But after 7 years, doesn't she think he deserves to have a life again? Would she prefer for him to die alone and depressed or happy with someone to love?
There's not much that can be done about the teenage boys, they are at that age where they are rebelling against authority. Sounds like your friend is displaying similar behavior towards the woman, so she should understand.
As for the drinking concern, this I can understand. Alcohol is never a good addition to a person's life.
Maybe suggest she have a talk with her father about how worried she is about him. I doubt it will do any good, but at least he would know how she feels. She should let him know that she is concerned about how the boys treat him, the drinking, and the fear that this woman is replacing her mother. If he is responsive to her, maybe suggest a pre-nup. It might be a blow to him (and her when it's brought up) but most people would understand that at their age, they want their assets protected. Not just from each other, but the children involved. If he decides to talk to her about it, he could suggest that it's for the protection of each of their children so there is no fighting over who gets what 20 years down the road. The woman's boys would keep her things, and your friend would keep her father's things. And if one died before the other (it will probably be the father) then the natural child of that parent would still be entitled to the estate without it automatically reverting to the spouse. If she is as financially stable as you say, she'll probably respect and understand the idea.
I think your friend should talk to her father, and even the woman, about how she feels. Then tell them that while she loves her father and wants him to be happy, she doesn't feel comfortable with this union. Attend the wedding, but not the bachelorette party. That way she isn't cutting ties or seriously hurting the relationship with her father.
2006-08-31 11:47:24 · answer #1 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to realize a couple of things. First even if they don't get married, just by living together for so long they will be considered a couple in the eyes of the law and she will be entitled to his money if he dies or they break up. Second is that her dad is not all that old. He still needs love and affection, he still needs some one to be his lover and best friend. He has taken 6 years to make up his mind that he is ready to take this step and for her to not respect his choice and support him will hurt him more than it will ever hurt this new woman. This new woman can never replace her mom because she will never be the mother of her fathers kids. However, she can partially fill the empty hole in his life that has existed since her mother died.
2006-08-31 11:30:15 · answer #2 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom passed away 4 years ago. Her husband at that time really appeared to be handling it well. About 6 months or so after her death he proceeded to date other women. needless to say I was devastated, and I didnt understand how come he could want to date so quickly. I thought he should have mourned long enough.
the truth is, everyone mourns differently. If her dad feels like he is now ready to continue his life, then your friend should be happy for him. No one understands why others fall in love with each other, but it really isnt their business. her father is a grown man who deserves to have the love and have his needs met. I understand that she may have some hesitations, but even though she objects, if her dad is happy so should she.
Those extra kids will be out of the house soon, so the new couple will have plenty alone time.
Tell your friend she should just relax, because no matter how much she protests, your dad will do what he wants...
Tell your friend to stand by her father- that is her blood... nothing is thicker...
2006-08-31 12:39:51 · answer #3 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Her dad has as much right to happiness as she does and I think he should know at his age if she is right for him,your friend should give her blessing grin and bare it for the day because after all it will be her dads day and not hers,tell her it could affect the relationship she has with him if she sounds out her dissaproval.After 6 years Im sure he knows exactley what shes like good or bad.Im sure if there is money involved her dad will have made a will that way it doesnt all go to the new wife.At his age Im sure hes thinking of his own security as much as the new wife he doesnt want to be alone in old age but enjoy his remaining years with a partner.
2006-08-31 11:33:00 · answer #4 · answered by candyfloss 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she could just try to understand why he loves her. They've obviously been together for 6 years--that's a long time for most relationships. Also maybe she can talk to the future step-mother and voice her concerns. It sounds like the dad is going to do what he wants to do and she should try to be happy for him. Maybe she is just feeling a little betrayed because her mother died and she feels like this woman is trying to take her place. Dad isn't trying to replace her but try to move on and find some happiness for himself. Everyone deserves to be happy no matter what their age. It sounds like she needs to make some peace with the situation and support her dad no matter what. She should also voice the concern for the alcohol use. That way they go into the marriage with everything on the table and no hidden resentment. Tell her good luck!
2006-08-31 13:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by Dr. H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't matter whether she gives her blessing; they will get married anyway. Why can't the father have a new life? How long does he have to not get married to appease his children, before he can get on with his life? Is he supposed to curl up into a corner and wait to die?
Just because he's getting married does not mean he is dishonoring his late wife. If anything, he is celebrating life. And if his daughter can't get past her own emotions, selfish as they sound, too bad for her. I am sorry she lost her mother, but that is not a reason for her to dictate what others do. She'll look foolish and immature if she can't suck it up. He'll be happy with or without her blessing.
2006-08-31 14:27:10 · answer #6 · answered by Karen? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does she have a power of attorney over her dad because he's senile? If not, what's her problem if her grown father in posession of all of his mental facilities wants to get married? She needs to get over it, seriously. He doesn't need her "blessing", hello; but it would help HER greatly to be on good terms with her dad and his wife.
2006-08-31 12:40:13 · answer #7 · answered by codex 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your friend should grow up and let her father enjoy the end of his life in peace. he gave his best years to his daughter. so she should shut up and give him her blessing and mind her own business
2006-08-31 19:40:53 · answer #8 · answered by jacky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since when do fathers need their daughters' blessing?
and what business is any of this of yours?
2006-08-31 16:01:15 · answer #9 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yeah gold digger
2006-09-01 21:32:46 · answer #10 · answered by stuart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋