My husband left and my kids are struggling....Advice needed!!?

Question

He left me after 8yrs and now lives with my son's friends mother. My kids are almost 7 and almost 2. They're gr8 but, the situation is so tough. I have to see his girlfriend every day at school and I hate the fact that he sees them. I just don't know how I can be civil to him. He angers me so much - I love him and hate him at the same time!! Anyway - how can I give the kids a normal life and try to include their Dad in it.

Answer 1

I would be civil to him for the kids sake. What he did is horrible, but the kids do need a father in their life, if he is willing to support them. I am sorry this happened to you what a jerk!

Answer 2

To be honest you could get advise from every person you meet, the thing is it will not make you feel any better at the moment, the only cure is to let time take it's course, try and do something you enjoy, even if you can manage it one night a week, swimming bingo anything, once you start feeling a bit happier then i'm sure you will find that the other issues will seem a bit easier. It's hard I know, but stick with it, you will be proud of yourself when you come out the other side. All the best

Answer 3

You must consider yourself lucy if their Dad wants to be a part of their life, there are allot of losers out there that don't even care about the kids, men always think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence...you just have to put on a happy face and act like it isn't bothering you, you will eventually get over it and find someone else and though it seem rough now you will make it thru. Just take one day at a time and pray for the best, and don't set home all the time, get out and make new friends and meet new people. One good friend can make the difference in helping you get over this.

Answer 4

Their dad should come to see them or pick them up but not come with the girl friend. It's rude of him to do otherwise. He needs to be reasonable. Do not tell your kids that dad is bad, even though he really is. Any man who leaves his wife is terrible (unless she's evil). He should end any relationship he has with you before starting a new one. It's sad that he hasn't, but this happens a lot.

Be reasonable and don't make a fuss. If your kids see you are coping well, they will too. But if it is hard for you, it will be hard for them.

Maybe talking things out with your husband and a counselor will be helpful to make you not angry at him as much and allow you bother to see each other's pain. See if he will see a counselor with you. I really think the whole family should be involved so they kids understand better.

Chances are your kids (especially the 2 yr older) will be angry at dad, if they aren't already. Kids are good at hiding anger towards parents. They are also good at sensing mom's feelings. So see about talking to a counselor. If your husband won't, his loss. Just go with the kids.

Answer 5

Please don't take your anger out on your children.... No matter what you feel for their father. I'm witnessing all of the same thing first hand with my partner and his children from his previous marriage....
The children didn't ask to be put in this situation, and no matter what has gone on between you and your ex-husband, he's still their Dad, and they have a right to love him.
My partners kids are going through hell, because their mother refuses to let him see them at the moment (it'll change when she feels like it), shouts at them if they ask to see him, and especially if they mention me to her... They don't understand why its wrong or hurtful....They are just children.

I totally appreciate you are hurting, and I don't take that away from you... but be the bigger person here (no matter how painful) the kids will love you all the more for it when they are older (believe me - my partners oldest is already started showing signs of rebelling in the last couple of months or so she's 10...Kids know whats what, they're not stupid) Good Luck

Answer 6

First of all, he has moved on with his life, and so must you. The children will be fine as long as they see that you're okay. Never talk down about him to the kids. They will pick up on the negative attitude you display. I know it's hard being civil to him right now, but, believe me, it gets better with time. Do lots of activities with your kids. Make them feel loved and wanted. Time will heal those wounds. Above all, don't try to keep him away from them. They need to be sure that they still have two loving parents whether you're still together or not. God bless you.

Answer 7

You have every right to feel angry and so let down by your husband and seeing his girlfriend on a daily basis must be very difficult
but for your children's sake you should get help for yourself to allow you to express how you are feeling if you don't have a good support system around you then you can get support from home start or an organisation like that because one thing is for sure if you can let go your anger you will be so much happier and if your happy so will your children HAPPY MUM MEANS HAPPY CHILDREN! I would let your children see their dad and if he lets them down at least you tried your best and your children will see that Good luck!

Answer 8

You really need to put aside your own feelings for the sake of your kids, and that's not easy. It seems as though he has jumped from his marriage straight into another relationship with someone else, and that is generally on the 'rebound'. If that's the case, then there is very little chance the relationship he is in now will be successful....rebounds quite often 'bounce' back!

Answer 9

Look in your eyes, he may have been a lousy husband, but ask yourself is he a good father? It doesn't matter what you did to each other, but you must put your children before yourself and that includes giving them the right to a father in their life, no matter how difficult it is for you to accept this other woman. Accept that its over and your children are your number one priority now and be strong for their sake.

You can be civil to him and you will be for your childrens sake, don't let them be affected anymore than they have to be. Make sure you both spend time with them and don't use them as a weapon to score petty squabbles. Don't ***** about your husband or his girlfriend in front of them.

Life goes on, it really does,

Answer 10

oh dear iam sorry to hear that have you petioned for divoice you will need to go to the citizens advice beureat and contact the CSA basically your husband has behaved disgracefully get as mjuch money as you can out of him make his life hell till he gives you what he owes you can even sue him for adultery and get money iut ofhim. BAsically contact your local CAB citizens advice bureau. . I cant blame you for the way you feel my sistyer messed about with my husband and was flirting with him and made me feel really angry and i hated her for that.

Do not let him see your kids although he is entitled to access you must insist that he comes alone with out this other woman and that on no accounts should you take the kids to that womans house he should come to you without her.

I cannot blaming you for hating him and her she isa disgraceful woman and husband stealer ansd a home wrecker.he is equally the same and i cannot blame you for feeling the same.

Because he has left you. You can give the kids a normal life without their dad.

I have seen and met Loads of mums if they can do it and so can you.

Basically your husband their dad doesn't deserve to be in their lives as he has wrecked your home and you kids lives and they are better off without him and they need you their mum not their dad he doesn't mean a thing to them your kids will never forgive him for what he did and Isincerely hope they don't he is not fit to be in their lives as their dad.

Move on he has gone now its just you and your children forget him .

Answer 11

Don't involve the kids by not talking bad about their father around them. I know it is hard, but you have to for their own good. Let them see him as much as they want. Try to have a functioning relationship 4 your kids, and that is it. Move on and heal, get happy. Once your kids see that you are happy again, they will be as well. :)