how many of you feel like sometimes your bad parents???

Question

i love my two girls but sometimes i feel like im not that good of a mom.
i dont hit my girls but yesterday i was so stessed out that i spanked my four year old and i feel just horriable. she forgave me but i havent forgave myself. i cryed to her and told her that i love her and i wouldint do it again. she forgave me but shes only four, any four year old will forgive you.

do any of you hit your kids? how do you feel afterwards??

thanks you everbody
sorry i cant give the 10 points to all of you, but you all are really making me feel better!

Answer 1

well im no parent. im only 15, but i try not to do things that make my mom feel like she is a bad parent. me and mymom are close. but you shouldn't bad if u beat ur child unless she didn't do anything or if u bruised her. then u have something to worry about. but since u spanked her hopefully she learned her lesson andu won't have to do it again. hope i could help!

Answer 2

Every parent has gone through exactly what you have described. You should not feel bad about spanking your daughter though. Even though it hurts you more than it does her, sometimes a spanking is a tool of love. It teaches a child what it acceptable and what is not. Of course you should be reasonable and try not to do the spanking while stressed or mad. This is hard to do sometimes, but counting to 10 and giving yourself a few minutes to calm yourself before the spanking occurs would be proper. Sometimes we have to get a child's attention before they can understand the difference between right and wrong. A spanking for the right reason is an act of love. In the long run your child will understand.

Answer 3

Your not a bad mom. Children test our limits everyday and sometimes we aren't in control of our anger when we are stressed. If you felt horrible for hitting your daughter, then at least you know you won't do it again. Spanking, hitting etc will always cause pain physically and emotionally. I am sure all parents who spank feel bad because it is the wrong way to discipline. Check out this site below, it will help you with some great discipline techniques. I have 3 children and never spank. I use other alternatives which work great for me like time-out and taking away privileges. I always talk about the misbehavior and it helps them think about behaving good because they want to and not because they are controlled with a spank. They are truly happy, confident and well behaved children. I also studied childhood development in schoo. Spanking isn't a tool of love or an act of love like mentioned above. What a poor description. Discipline with patience and respect is an act of love. You don't go up and hit people if they do wrong and say "it's an act of love." I can't believe people actually believe that.

Answer 4

Whoa! Steady! That may have been a bad move. Children are the most manipulative little so-and-sos in the world. I hope you explained WHY you smacked her as well, so that she knows that being naughty is not a good thing. On the other hand, if she had done nothing wrong then you were a bit out of order, and apologising was the right thing to do.

I happen to believe that a smack (not a beating) is an acceptable form of punishment. It teaches that if you break the rules, you are in trouble. There are other alternatives, but sometimes you need the short sharp shock.

Answer 5

All parents (that are good parents) feel like they are bad parents half of the time. This is what makes them GOOD parents. If you did not care how you felt then that would be bad. And yes I feel like ringing my kids neck sometimes. But you have to ask yourself why you think that you flew off the handle. 9 times out of 10 it' s because of something that has nothing to do with your kids. I think if you realize that and deal with it it will make you feel better. I am actually the opposite ( I don't spank either )and I wonder if my kid will end up walking all over me because I don't believe in it. So there you go.....

Answer 6

I think you made a mistake. If she was being bad even if you felt too stressed..it's not wrong to give them a swat on the butt once in a while. But, if you go crawling back to them and apologize, they know they not only will take advantage of you, but they will hold that against you if you feel guilty about it. Now if by "spank" you meant punch kick or hit hard, or in the face, then we have another issue. Kids are smart and don't forget much.....yet. But you have to establish who is in charge or you will be a bad parent by not teaching the child discipline and that they will be punished for their bad behavior. Would you rather discipline them with a swat on the but and make them cry....or would you rather see them in Juvenile prison because the stabbed someone at school? They have to learn to respect authority figures as young children or they will be in a heap of trouble in high school. I have rarely spanked my children, because I have a better weapon...I keep them from going and doing activities they really enjoy. If they really want to do it they won't act up. But I have also smacked my girls on the butt when they warrent it. Hey I know how you feel...I hate myself when I see tears well up in my youngest's big brown puppy dog eyes because I had to spank her. But I also know that it's for their own good. This is what's known as tough love ...not abuse or beatings...ding things that you don't like or that they don't like for the better good of the child. BTW my kids are 6 and 8.

Answer 7

Sometimes you get really angry at what your child is doing and react while you are angry. I know my nephews push my buttons for sure. Once you correct them you always feel guilty like you are mean. You have to realize thats what makes your kids grow to be respectful. Alot of people don't believe in spanking their kids anymore and thats why we have so many disobedient children in society. I don't think you are mean at all. Lighten up on yourself. You obviously felt like she was doing something wrong of your wouldn't have corrected her. Give yourself a break ;)

Try to count to 10 before you correct her and then you won't be so angry at the time. Just remember you are their mother not their friend.

Sounds to me like you are a great mom.. ignore the answers the loser at the top gave you. Kids need a good *** whoopin ever now and again.. and theres a fine line between a spankin and child abuse.

Try to give your self a break!

Hang in there

;)

Answer 8

Your not a bad parent. Having children doesn't mean that you stop being human and making mistakes. BUT, I think that seeing you so out of control afterwards might be more harmful than the spanking. Admitting your mistake teaches your daughter to respect herself and others. However, crying and begging for her forgiveness is just confusing for her. In order to feel safe, she needs to that you are in control and you are taking care of her and not the other way around. Remember, if you are kind to your child and abuse yourself, your daughter will grow up to do the same. Show her how to being loving and compassionate to herself by being good to yourself!

Answer 9

Everybody has those types of feelings sometimes. Moms need a time out sometimes for themselves - make sure you take care of yourself and your stress level. Being a mom takes a lot of patience and we are not perfect. You should never spank your child when you're angry if you spank them at all. Forgive yourself and do better next time.

I used to joke that when I would wake my kids up in the morning, I would look at their beautiful faces and say to myself, "They are truly angels. I am so blessed." By the time it was bedtime, I would say, "Get your bottom in bed right now and don't you dare get up!" I think that's why they invented sleep - to replenish the love. Good luck.

Answer 10

I don not spank my kids. Not because I don't think it's right, I just do everything I can to avoid it. I think that as a parent, you just do the best you can. No one is a perfect mother or father. Just being there for them is awesome! The fact that you feel as horrible as you do about one spanking (I got tons when I was growing up!), shows that you are caring and a good mom. I sometimes get upset at myself when I get frustrated with my one year old. He can be such a stinker and he wears me out! Just hang in there!

Answer 11

i was an abused child, so I treat my son like gold. I do feel awful even after yelling at him though. I once spanked him, and was horrified..even more than him. I never did it again. I understand, and believe me the best parents want to strangle their kids at least once at some point. Being a good parent is learning from your mistakes, and teaching your kids the same. Don't feel too bad, just learn from the experience. It's ok. It sounds to me like you are a good Mom, because you care so much!!