I wanted to be affectionate, he pushed me away and when I asked him to hold me he said "how pathetic". I feel hurt by that and now I am feeling rejected and he didn't respond when I said how his comment made me feel. What's going on with him? I know I am not pathetic, but what's the deal? Words really hurt...
2006-08-31 09:56:59 · 44 answers · asked by prettybird 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
As a father, I offer the answer I would give my daughters: forget him! By saying you are not pathetic you show the confidence you need to find someone else, someone who appreciates you. Words do hurt.
2006-08-31 10:00:48 · answer #1 · answered by John W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you TELL him how his comments made you feel?
If you marry this man (or any man), things are going to be said that will hurt both of your feelings. This isn't to say it's your fault or his fault, but you both need to mature.
1) Get out of the victim mode. He hurt you, and you feel like a victim. Take some time and get OUT of this way of thinking. The more you feel like a victim, the tougher it will be to talk to him.
2) When you do talk with him, keep the tone low, the attitude calm, and the manner mature. Don't accuse him and use "I" messages. BE HONEST!
3) How long have you two been dating? If you do not feel able to communicate with him, I suggest you two take some time and re-examine your relationship. Is marriage really the next step you both should be taking. Communication is really important in a relationship. There is NO chance that you will go through a marriage without a fight, tears, or the thoughts that you would be better without him.
4) Be honest with yourself but don't make any rash decisions. Ending an engagement isn't something you want to take lightly.
5) Replay the situation in your head in a few weeks. Look at what YOU could have done differently and what HE could have done differently. Had he had a bad day? Did you have a bad day? Did he need some alone time? Just because you are betrothed doesn't mean he has to cuddle you every second of the day. You both need to be independent as well.
Yes, every woman should be treated like a princess. Yes, he was a jerk. However, life isn't a honeymoon. You're going to find that situations like this will happen REGARDLESS of how long you've been married. Work through it and become a stronger couple.
2006-08-31 09:58:36 · answer #2 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋
I would find out what was behind that cause that was a nasty thing to say and nothing feels worse that rejection. It sounds like you already asked him but he didn't give you an answer so try to get one. Tell him - when you said this, I felt like this instead of confronting him or arguing with him but for some reason I think that is how you said it to him to begin with.
You certainly don't want to spend your life with someone who would make you feel like this for wanting some affection - and this is before marriage and after marriage supposedly the affection fades so it looks like you have a few questions to answer here for yourself. What was he doing when he said that to you ? Does he make you feel like that often - even during conversations, etc - does he not seem to consider your feelings as much as he should?
It is things like these that tell us the most about someone - really. He shouldn't be brushing you off but before you worry too much - sit down and talk to him again and let him know that you don't want to marry someone who treats you like that and why would he do that?? Words do hurt - more than actions most of the time because they stay in our minds so clearly and never seem to be able to be taken away either - they get engraved in a way in all of us. I have had exes and even my current bf say some horrible things and after they say it - I am always wishing that they didn't because it ruins something- it makes us less in a way sometimes. It stays with me. The guy you love should never make you feel rejected or stupid - like you can't ever ask him that again or do that again - why should you not be who you are and get what you want and need cause he is moody and snaps at you. I don't know that you have something to worry about other than why he said that - I don't think there is someone else if that is what you mean unless there are some other things that tell you that there may be.
Try to write him a letter maybe so he doesn't interupt you when you are speaking - tell him that communication is vital in a relationship and he seems to be cutting that off - now - which is not good and tell him that that makes you scared for the future- try to talk to him again and again and find out what is behind that. There is a reason for all of our behaviors - so try to figure that out. Cheer up :o)
2006-08-31 10:05:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
The deal is he has some serious emotional issues and thinks emotions are weakness. And yes, you should be worried. Emotions are what keeps up alive. I know I don't know you but PLEASE don't marry this man! It'll only cause you more pain and anxiety as time goes on. If you really feel like he's the one for you, talk to him about it. Ask him why he thinks being sentamental and sappy is bad. He may not be used to it if his family never showed emotion.
2006-08-31 12:11:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the wrong fiance. My husband of 33 years has never called me any derogatory names. It does not matter if he is under stress, abuse whether physical or mental can not be tolerated. It gets worse with time. You are not pathetic but he is just plain mean. Keep looking, there are great men out there. He is not one of them.
2006-08-31 10:25:14 · answer #5 · answered by Wolfpacker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i became in an particularly similiar concern. This female went so some distance as to remark nasty issues to my LiveJournal. She became psychotic. nicely...i desperate to act my age and be mature. i did not do something approximately it. I deleted her comments and my entries that someway indignant her. i've got not talked to him through fact we split and have no intentions on doing so. if reality be told i'm in a severe relationship returned and in simple terms moved on with my existence. She became certainly in simple terms jealous of me. She'll realize it sometime and you will look like the "larger guy or woman" with the help of ignoring her. she will say what she needs...even though it does not replace the reality which you had her guy!
2016-11-23 16:32:39 · answer #6 · answered by rigoberto 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes that was a hostile thing for him to do and say. You have to look at him as a whole. Has he ever shown demeaning behavior to you before, belittled you, maybe in public, or just in private? Watch for these warning signs. You shoudn't marry someone who does not care about your needs (you wanted to be held and he pushed you away and called you pathetic). If he wasn't in the mood thats all he had to say.
2006-08-31 10:07:50 · answer #7 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
maybe at the time he just doesn't feel like being affectionate, you may have chose the wrong time to ask him, but then again, he should have been able to just hold you even for just a minute, when you asked him. If I were you, I'd seriously think hard about marrying him. You need more time to observe.
2006-08-31 10:01:25 · answer #8 · answered by superboredom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
GET OUT NOW!! That's called verbal abuse, and nobody should put up with that. My sister is in the middle of a divorce from a guy who has gotten worse with his verbal abuse over the years. It started before they were even married with comments like your fiance said. If he keeps doing it, and worse, if you keep letting him do it, you will be miserable.
2006-08-31 14:57:10 · answer #9 · answered by KMSMT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not the way a person treats someone they are about to marry. I would be very concerned. Maybe he is having second thoughts about the wedding, and is too afraid to tell you. So he is pushing your buttons in hopes that you will break up with him.
2006-08-31 10:00:38 · answer #10 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋