When he's not 'the one'....?

Question

You are with a partner you love and you want to stay with, you know they are not 'the one' however you are too young or simply not ready to settle into a relationship with one person for the rest of your life anyway so it does not matter.

How do you get over the feeling that you are still wasting your time staying with them when you know it is not going to be forever?

Granted it's all experience, spending time with someone you love at this point in time, etc. but what if that nagging feeling still continues to play on your mind?

I'm not wasting his time; he knows my feelings on this – although he does feel that I am the one for him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life, just not sure I want to be with him like a wife or life partner….whatever you want to call it.

I don't WANT to find the one; I'm far too young!!
If I left him then it would be the exact same situation with the next person.

I feel I have to say this again...

I feel I have to say this again...

I DON'T WANT TO FIND THE ONE!!!

God, how many people honestly find 'the one' the moment they are born, never dating anyone else, never dating anyone else, just instantly staying with one person for the whole of their life, never growing through relationships....we don't work that way...that is not the reality of it.

Answer 1

In this situation I would say take some time apart to really think about what you want and how you feel when they are gone from your life. If you still feel that they are not the one then I would say it's probably best to both let go and move on. Perhaps you are missing out on alot of great guys that could be "the one" just because you feel bad about not staying with this one.

If you have these feelings and they are that strong I don't really think you can get over them, you can push them away because you don't want to deal with them but they are always going to be there, and sooner or later you will have to face them head on.

The nagging feeling isn't just annoying, it's your intuition telling you what the right thing to do is.

Answer 2

The worst thing that you could do is stay with someone that you don't intend on spending the rest of your life with. Not only are you going to hurt him in the long run but he is going to hate you for leading him on and thinking that he has a chance with you. You should be a grown-up about the matter and end it now before someone gets hurt. If this is how you really feel then you need to let him know for 1 and then just let him know that you arent' ready to settle down. There is no shame in it and you both can still be friends but don't mislead him otherwise the friendship is over. Do the right thing.

Answer 3

There are a few issues surrounding this perception that must be clarified by asking oneself these questions:
What is your expectation of true love?
How long a period should one expect to feel the "rush" of new love until a more mature, long term attitude begins to evolve?
Are you in love or in lust?
Or, Are you in love, or in "need" (meaning, having someone around to stave off loneliness).
Is love something that just happens or is it something one does? (If you chose the latter, then you are on the right track).
As for your current situation, do you believe that your perception of this relationship is that it is limited and will never change, or do you believe as you get older, you (both) will start to see and understand other things you did not see or understand before?

Sometimes nagging feelings are just those thoughts that you default to, regardless of merit (feelings of low self-esteem fall into this category). Other times, nagging feelings are legit, meaning they are a result of something you are sensing about yourself, and/or your partner.
If you are really wasting your time, and you feel you are not moving forward emotionally or intellectually with this partner, then you owe it to yourself and h(im)(er) to tell them so and move on. But keep in mind that time is a tool and a guide here. How quickly do you get frustrated and/or bored? How much tolerance do you have for things not being quite right?
With an honest self-evaluation, you can find an answer to these questions.
Good Luck~

Answer 4

Just maybe, Kasha , you are a Perfectionist. You are with someone you love, but you want somebody better? "The ONE?"

What if you spend your life looking and waiting for this "One?"

And he never shows up?

Or, he passes you by because YOU aren't HIS "one", or he figures you're busy with the one you have, and doesn't bother?

It's a pickle. No right answer. You could be doing the wrong thing, either by staying with your present guy, or letting him go to find another.

Maybe you should break up with your present partner, and see if you feel better. If you don't, and maybe feel worse, then it's not in your situation--but instead, in your "grass must be greener somewhere else" attitude.

Possible?

Good Luck.

Answer 5

This is a toughy, Sorta. When you are young or even older. You don't have to be or stay in a relationship because they may be the one. If you know this person is not. No biggy. Enjoy the time you spend together. But make sure their fully aware of this. It can be devastating to grow feelings for someone, dream for a future and find out they were just enjoying the ride. And you never know given time they could be the one. Build your friendship first. Take it day by day. And be true to yourself always.

Answer 6

If your feeling this way I dont think that he is Mr. Right or Mr. Right now. This negativity is not something you should be thinking about in a healthy relationship. When I was only 15 years old I started dating somebody and I could have sworn he was the one. I felt it. And we wound up together for 12 years.

My point.. If you feel like your wasting your time with this you are. Just be nice, tell him how you feel and move on. Good luck.

Answer 7

What makes you think you are wasting your time if you love and want to stay with him? What experience are you looking for? Is it the firework show kind of thing? Maybe you need to sit down and ask yourself what it is you want. If you really do love him but you are not happy with him maybe you love him "just not that way" . If that's the case then you owe to him and yourself to gently end the whole thing. Maybe he is feeling the same way. In any case, you both deserve to love and be loved fully.

Answer 8

You are never wasting your time when you learn something. That is what experience is, going through something and dealing with it...

Will you make the right choice? Only you will know. If you stay or leave, make sure it was your decision, that way you will have the experience next time.

Answer 9

When you know the guy you are with is 'not the one', although you love him and would never wish to hurt him, you need to decide if staying with him is fair.
He may think you are 'his one' when you are, infact, at the blissful mercy of another.

Understand that if you choose to stay to save his feelings, that nagging feeling which invades your thoughts and emotions will never leave you and you will come to resent this person, who you say you love, for keeping you from the arms of another...

Answer 10

if your really "iffy" about the realtionship with this person then maybe it's your heart telling you they're not "the one". If you are not very serious about relationships at the age you are at then maybe you should just try around or be single while you still feel this way. Don't look for "the one" because they will come to you. For right now you'll know when oyu want to date someone- or not date them..... Luck for you from me!!!