My mother died when I was nine. We were very close and even though I went to therapy I still have the pain?

Question

I'm 19 now even though my mother died 10yrs ago the pain stayed with me. I went to therapy but nothing happened. I think I suffer from depression. Even when I want to be happy I feel I can't ever really be truly happy. I even had my therapist suggest medication. That's just something I don't want to do. Can someone suggest a more natural way to relieve my pain.

Answer 1

My father died when I was 15 and I'm 30 now. I still feel the pain. I recently was in therapy/counseling for about 4 years. The medicine seemed to screw me up worse (caused my depression to be more severe) I stopped taking the medicine and things got better. Mainly just talking about my father and his life and how much i loved him and how much i missed him and how he died has helped me face his death and accept it a little more. I still hurt, especially when i think of him or something we did together or even how my kids will never know him. But you can't turn away from the pain. You have to face it and accept it and try to move past it. It will always be apart of your life, if it wasn't there wouldn't you forget about your mother completely? Get a counselor talk about your mother and your experiences as much as possible. Accept Christ as your savior and his love can help dull the pain too. Good luck and God bless you!

Answer 2

The bond between a mother and daughter is very strong. It's normal that you still miss her. And it's especially hard if you lost her when you were a child, especially when you were at the age when you were just starting to become a woman. It's OK for you to feel this way.

Honor your mother by forging other good relationships. Hopefully you have sisters? Does your mother have sisters? You can celebrate the good things you had with her by sharing those things with other people.

As far as the depression goes, eat right, get exercise, social time, and do things that make you feel accomplished. You'll feel better.

And don't completely dismiss medication. Just make a solid plan with your doctor for getting off of it at some point in the future.

Answer 3

Honey, that pain will always be there but it will ebb with time to the point that it scars over. Everyone had a different grieving process time & there will always be some reminder....some....something that brings a wash of that pain, but it does become easier to handle.

You can learn to live & be happy again, & yes this event has altered you permanently in many ways, but you're not alone. Try to think about how pleased your mom would be with every single little accomplishment you achieve, & when you fail, remember that she loved you no matter what.

I keep a scrap book of personal things, turning points in my life, along with world events. Pictures and articles and such. I started as a theraputic device to gain acceptance, making the album for my parents. Of course they'll not be receiving this book....but the following generations will & they'll be able to look back through history all the way to my parents & beyond.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other & teach yourself to smile through the tears & it won't be too very long before you realize that you're not forcing it any more & it's coming naturally.

Answer 4

There is no cure for the loss of a mother, father,sister, brother, etc. When someone that close to you die, you can't help the way you feel. You have to grieve in your own way and on your own time. There is nothing wrong with you for feel this way. It is normal. If anyone tells you otherwise, they are lying. Pray and ask God to help strengthen you and to give you peace of mind. When you are 99 the pain is still going to be with you. Just remember that we are all going to die and you will see her again. From the moment that we are born we will die and as sad as it may be life does go on. Prayer changes things so I would say that you pray and ask God to see you thru. Pills sometimes aren't the answer. Just pray about it. I will keep you in my prayers.
God is a miracle worker and HE is the healer of our hearts. Hold your head up high and know that your mother is very proud of you.

Answer 5

You need an outlet for your feelings. Just because your mother isn't physically there, she is with you in spirit, inside you.

What if on a weekly basis, or whenever you feel like it, write your mother a letter about what's going on in your life, even how much you miss her. You could even keep a journal dedicated to writing to your mother. Sometimes writing out what you're feeling can be therapeutic, because you don't have to keep it inside all the time.

Over time, you might find you no longer need the journal, but short term it might be helpful. This is just a suggestion that doesn't involve medication.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Sorry you have so much pain in your life. You're so young. There is nothing I can say to you that will make that pain go away. My father died when I was 27, I am 35 now.......the pain, hurt and terrible feeling can never go away. I can't even think about him without crying. I know how you feel.

I wish I had a remedy for you, but I don't. Take care.

Answer 7

My mother passed away at my age of 36. And now I am 45. quite a mature age, isn't it? But still I fill her absence. Whenever I am alone, I thought what she expected from me? And that gives me some extra power to achieve my goal. Actually, when she was alive, I never got that zeal what now making me to go ahead to fulfill her dreams about me. And I am sure, every mother has a dream with her child. You have to fulfill her dream. Instead you are making her sad by your depression. Do you think she is happy in the heaven? So, take resolution in front of your mother's picture that you would fulfill her every dream about you and report to her picture regularly that how much you have achieved your goal.
Wish you best luck that you would make your mother happy!

Answer 8

Hey, this one might be long....when I was ''younger'' I met this guy who pulled me away from a really bad 4 year relationship, got pregnant and when I was 5 mos. into the pregnancy, he passed. I dont know what gave me the idea to but I decided to write him a letter ...I included my feelings on how I feel about him being gone, how I felt when it first happened, how Im doing with daily life, how hard greiving is and etc. Girl I cant tell you how much that helped me heal alittle and get by. It is currently 4 hundred and some pages long and Im hoping to get it published one day in order to help people like you and people trying to help you. It shows what its like from ''our'' point of views. My point is, give it a try.....try writing down some things you want your mom to know...personally I believe that the spirit world is around us everyday and they can watch over us but something about writing to him, taking the time out to do so gave me a huge sense of peace and security...just try it...it couldnt hurt. And its normal to still be thinking about her all these years later....it will probably remain that way until you see her again but the key is to *remember that you WILL see her again and find ways to help deal with it and find some positive outlooks on the situation....ofcourse its a bad one but without rain, we couldnt see rainbows and experience helps us grow...everyone in Heaven is doing just fine and I think they're the ones feeling bad for us....shes in a better place
I hope this helps
God bless :)

Answer 9

Grief is a emotion that has many stages. It can go on for years. Allow yourself to be unhappy, Its okay! Losing a parent is the hardest thing to go thru next to losing a child! Avoid medication if at all possible unless your depression leaves you unable to perform daily activities. Go to the library and check out books on grief, lean on friends and family, pray that the Lord will ease your pain...Give yourself as much time as you need...mothers are so special to us all. Try meditation, exercise, and pampering yourself. You will see your mom again in heaven, baby. She's always with you now! Just look in the mirror. She wouldn't want you to be unhappy, she wants you to live a full life. I will keep you and your broken heart in my prayers. Take care.

Answer 10

i totally understand. the pain doesn't ever go away, but it changes. I bet your life, your world as you knew it was totally and permanently altered. I felt that when my dad died of a heart attack. It has been 6 yrs & i still mourn--but the sting is less intense. Join a support group, think about going to a medium and see whether you can make contact with your mom's spirit. that might be comforting. Live well--in honor of your mom and be greatful that you have happy memories to share. Your mom will always be your mom and you her legacy! Peace.