Serious answers only, Please!!!!!?

Question

I've was talking to this guy for about a week, when he tells me he's kinda in a relationship. He saids, he's not happy and the only reason he is with her is because she'll never let him see his daughter. With all that in mind, I continue to see him for the fact that he makes me happy. I love this person and care about him so deeply that I'm not thinking about what he has at home. Last night she caught us at a restuarant, caused a big scene, which I can understand why and left. After everything was said and done, I felt less than a woman and started to leave, as he grabbed me and told me not to leave, his baby's mama came around the corner and started up again. I left and havent answered his calls to sense. Because of the way I feel, do I tell him to work it out with the baby's mama, or continue seeing him.

Answer 1

He's either in a relationship with this other girl, or he's not. There's no inbetween. You need to move on.

Answer 2

I have been the wife with the baby at home, while my ex was seeing somebody else, that said I am not going to judge you, but here is my opinion. First if you have only been seeing him a week I dont think you love him. Second be very careful, for he could really leave this woman and go to court and fight for the right to see his child. Maybe a part of him just is not ready to leave her yet. Next I think a person has a right to leave a relationship if he/she is not happy, but should give his "other" the respect to let them know and leave before starting a new relationship. If he is cheating on her, aren't you afraid that he will do the same to you? And the last thing is, are you ready and or willing to be in a relationship where there is a child involved, this woman is going to be in his life forever, and you have to be able to be strong enough to deal with that. My ex's girlfriend has such a problem with me calling for things that have to do with my daughter. That is not right. Good luck.

Answer 3

In a relationship, he sould be treating you like you are the best thing in his life...of course, that goes vice versa as well. Have you ever stopped to think why he's not happy? Maybe because he keeps looking elsewhere, instead of working on what he has. Regardless, it's not your problem. You should get and be gone.

I suggest a 60 day detox...it works for me. In it, you are not allowed to call or talk to the guy for 2 months. It takes that long for you to get over him. My last break up (he didn't tell me he was married!!!), I marked my calender with a big marker on the 60 day mark. I missed him like crazy, but when I flipped to the day, I actually figured out that somewhere between the first month and the second, I'd gotten over him and hadn't even realized it. It felt good deleting his number from my phone.

Good luck.

Answer 4

no personal experience in this case, but it seems like he really cares about you and doesn't want his psycho ex to ruin your relationship. If they are not together, there is NOTHING to work out. Many men have babies with women they don't really care for and of course the women try to keep them in the relationship and use the baby as a threatening method or leverage against the guy. It is so unhealthy to use that baby and just wrong...If he is taking care of that baby, financially and being there as a good father, then the mom can't do jack about it. If she threatens to not let him see the baby then he needs to take her to court and get joint custody. If he is still "committed" to her, then i would back off of the relationship. Just think about things long term - if you love him and want to be with him, know that you are going to not only bring him into your life, but the issues with his ex and possibly raising a baby that isn't yours. If you two are happy together then go for it...don't creep though, that's not fair to anyone. Be open and honest about your feelings and find out where he is coming from and what he wants out of the relationship. If he can't give you an answer you like, move on. Don't ignore his calls though, it's not his fault his ex is crazy. Call him back and talk about things...he deserves that much.

Answer 5

If he's not happy with his baby's mama, it's not your fault. While I would not have gone out with a guy who admitted he was still in a relationship, I also understand that there are crazy women out there who won't let a guy see his kid unless he's with her. You know him, not me... is this a line he's giving you or is he seriously only with her because of the kid. If it's because of the kid... tell him he needs to get a child custody mediation scheduled. Have a lawyer do it or go to domestic relations. If he makes up an excuse why he can't, you're getting played. I am in a relationship with a man who had a psycho ex baby mama when I met him. She put me through hell, she put him through hell, it took six months and extreme drastic measures befpre she realized she was being a nut case. After those 6 months, she appologized and we get along fine... infact, things are great. So getting along can happen in the long run. BUT if you're not sure you're head over heels crazy about this guy.... my advise is MOVE ON.... I already fell in love with my man before the drama occured, but i would never want to go through it again.

Answer 6

Tell him to work it out with the baby's mom. They already have that bond in place. Love is a choice, not a feeling, so if they approach things that way, they can be happy together. And you are worth more than being just the 'third wheel'.

So find someone who can really take responsibility, put you first, and give you *all* of himself forever - make that decision to focus on doing what needs to be done to have a good and lasting relationship with you. And you, of course, put yourself in a position to do that for him.

Answer 7

If he was not interested in her and telling the same then she would not have been upset by seeing the two of you together. He is playing a game and you are just a game piece for him. You are doing the right thing. Don't see him again unless he assures you that he is done with her for good. The best way to make sure he is not lying is to go with him to pick up his daughter and she is there. This will prove it all. Good luck to you and stay smart!!! GaryT

Answer 8

Since you have only been talking to him for a week what kind of strong feelings could you have really developed? He sounds like a cheater, he is only giving you an excuse so you will feel sorry for him and still be with him. Any court in the United States will give him visitation rights weather the mom likes it or not. The fact that you felt bad means your conscience it working. Leave him alone or you will end up where she is. You sound like a decent girl. Give your feelings to someone to someone worthy of them.

Answer 9

This is truely up to u.. i have also been in a relationship like this.. The first few months he "dated" both of us.. it was only after he truly realized i cared about him, his baby, and the baby mama's feelings that he decided to handle his business like a man.. He told his babys mama that he really had feelings for me. and that even thou he wasnt in love with her anymore.. he would always love her. But that nothing was more important than them two keeping a real relationship as two grown people for thier baby. it took her a little bit to deal with it.. but after a few more months.. she finally accepted it. we ended up going out seperate ways later on but we still remian friends.. and i believe he has a new girl now.. without the drama.. his baby mama just isnt ready to let go yet.. and u as a woman understand that.. thats good. try to not be the problem... just try and work on you and him.. the rest he has to deal with.. If it works great.. if not.. theres always more fishes out there girl.

Answer 10

I was in a similar situation that ultimately led to a very convaluted plot and caused much discomfort on my part and on my lover's family. At the end of it all, I grew tired of sharing him and didn't like the fact that I was his sidedish. Yes I cared about him and yes he did about me, but I was suffering and so was his family and wife. It's not fair for you, nor for his baby's mama. You need to move on girlfriend, don't get yourself into dodgy relationships that you might later regret. Either tell him to choose or tell him to take a jump, but in my opinion, you should leave him to sort out his issues and take care of his family. He's being selfish by doing this to his wife and you, and his little one. Do yourself a favour and take a duck before things get as twisted as they got with me.

Answer 11

Sounds messy but actually its quite straight forward. You falls in love easily in a week & buys the guy's pitiful story sentimentally.

Why get invovled with a married man with a child & now "not-so-good" wife. There are plentiful single man around. Leave him before you messed up your life and a family. Hope it helps.