My Aunt is the sweetest person in the world and would do anything to help anyone. Her daughter is unappreciative and uses her all the time. Asking for Money, Plane tickets and drops off her son and leaves and doesn't come back for days. The daughters son's father is a deadbeat and into drugs and stuff. The daughter has even been arrested for prostitution. I try to tell her not to help her anymore, but she feels bad for her. My Aunt loves Yahoo Answer's and I am sure she will read this. Can anyone give her advice?
2006-08-31 08:13:49 · 13 answers · asked by ChicaLoca 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sounds like the daughter needs intervention which is help, but it is not enableing which is what it sounds like your aunt is doing. There's a difference between giving up and enabling.
2006-08-31 08:19:01 · answer #1 · answered by rdnkchic2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would not be giving her up it would be showing her tough love. My mother had to do it to me at one time in my life, but it was the best thing she could have done. I learned that I had to take responsibility for my life and make good decisions. I went through alot of bad things but I am better for it and so will your aunt's daughter if she chooses to. My mother and I live together now and she is helping me now that I am living right. Tell your aunt to give her daughter tough love now and maybe she will be able to show her that tender love later. Also, everyone that cares about this girl/ woman should pray that God watch over her and protect her while she goes through the changes that will help her grow up.
2006-08-31 09:19:00 · answer #2 · answered by n 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not exactly the same thing but it's similar.
My Grandmother was supporting her 40 something son for years. He didn't work and sponged off of her. His kids would come to town and she would end up watching them for him. He was too busy spending time with his girlfriend. He lived with her since he was in his twenties. She did everything for him. (She was a good woman and would do that for anyone) It never appeared that he did anything for her though.
Anyway, she died a couple years back. This left him to depend on himself. Since her death he has lost 75 pounds and is working 2 jobs. So maybe if Grandma would have cut him off years ago he would have done the same thing but a lot sooner.
I think that your Aunt needs to stop helping her. It sounds harsh to do that to your own kid, but sometimes you just don't need someone to put you in a place where you have to choose.
But she might think about trying for custody of the Grandson though.
2006-08-31 08:40:48 · answer #3 · answered by Jenn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until your aunt is ready she is not going to stop helping her child. Sometimes it takes a while before a parent can see what their child really is. We have the same situation in our family and my sister has finally cut her daughter out of her life. Just be there for your aunt. don't say anything bad about her child she knows how bad her child is she probably feels she is just going through a "stage". One day maybe your cousin will grow up and start acting like a responsible adult.
2006-08-31 08:19:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's really her decision. One one hand, cutting your children off will make them stronger, as one less person will help them be a deatbeat. Hopefully, if she has any love buried in her heart, she will want a relationship with her mother.
One the other hand, they may just disappear completely. She'll probably just leave her kids at some crackhouse. At least your Aunt knows her grandchildren are safe when they are with her. She sould try to get custody of the kids, they aren't safe with Mom. And maybe losing her kids will straighten her out some.
2006-08-31 08:22:47 · answer #5 · answered by Answer Schmancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should definitely stop helping her so much! Let her try and make it without your aunt's help! It is probably so hard, though, with a baby involved. Someone responsible needs to take care of the child, but that girl needs some tough love!
2006-08-31 08:20:17 · answer #6 · answered by angib18 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all there is a child involved here. How can anyone not help their own Grandchild. No one should walk away from from their child and grandchild!! The daughter needs help to get back on her feet again. To support a child on her own is very difficult. Don't ever walk away from your own child. Do something to help your daughter get back on her feet. anything will help. I am a single mother and my mom helped me with paying for driving lessons for me. I am now an independent professional.
Thanks Mom
From Toronto, Canada
2006-08-31 08:23:59 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe, we can use another word instead of "dump". Mother never dump her own children. But your aunt needs to let her daughter know she can't dependent on her mother forever. It's time to let her take care of her business. Tell your aunt not to promise to take care of her own daughter. She won't dump her own daughter on the road. Make her feel some responsibility.
2006-08-31 08:20:49 · answer #8 · answered by abc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't keep going over-board, all the time. Somewhere, one has to draw the line of discretion. Professional help from lawyers and law enforcement agencies may have to be taken, as a last resort.
2006-08-31 08:22:33 · answer #9 · answered by Sam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she shouldn't feel bad..her daughter should! and she should put a stop to it. the kid is the innocent one so maybe she should seek custody and make the deadbeat parent pay child support..poor thing...good luck
2006-08-31 08:19:45 · answer #10 · answered by ♣suzie Q♣ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋