My mom found out i've had sex!?

Question

She hacked into some of my stuff online and read a message my boyfriend sent me talking about how much he enjoyed having sex with me! She didn't even tell me she knew until yesturday and i started crying when she told me she knew because my mother and father are super christians and she continued to point out her religious views on the situation. although my boyfriend isn't in any trouble, i'm grounded for a month over the situation ((i snuck out, thats how this all got started)) and she told me i had to break up with him. i feel like shes so disgusted with me. what can i do to prove to her i'm not a bad person?

she read the message like 2 weeks ago and just not told me. o.o

Answer 1

Maybe you need to think about her perspective and what her perception is. Parents have their own reasons for doing what they do and thinking what they think. If you don't understand, show your maturity and ask them and try to understand their thoughts.

For the most part, parents don't just get mad when you go against their wishes. They get disappointed in you and themselves. They feel like they should have done something better. They wonder where they went wrong.

It might help if you tried to explain to her what your resoning was, and why you felt like doing it. I can almost guarantee, you will see it from a different perspective yourself, if you try to explain it to someone else. Be prepared to feel dumb. Suck it up. You are still learning, so you are ok.

Realize that "mistakes" are just ways of finding out what is incorrect or what doesn't work. They do not detract from your quality as a person. The only way they would, is if you refuse to seek the wisdom in them. The definition of insanity is to repeatedly try to do the same thing the same way and expecting a different outcome every time.

Your mom is probably disappointed in herself for not getting you to understand why you need to follow her rules. She is projecting her disappointment on you for not only doing what you did, but for not understand why you did it.

You are young. Your brain is not fully developed yet. Your mind is not equipped to forsee in the long-term yet. You do not yet understand the long term effects of certain behaviors, and you do not appreciate the consequences. You can't help that, but you can help your behavior. You can choose to be responsible and follow the rules your parents have. Even if you don't like them or understand them. You can choose to see that your parents have their own reasons for stuff, and they have your best interest, safety, and health in mind when they make them.

Damage control tip:
Approach your mother and tell her you want to talk (make it an hour,) that you are sorry that you went against her and disrespected her and yourself. Tell her that you understand that she has your best interest in mind. Tell her you love her and appreciate that. Tell her you promise you will respect her from now on.

Tell her you understand about how devastating unwanted pregnency and STD's are, and that you are not ready to deal with that. Tell her that you understand how offensive your choices were to her religious values.

Then, try to bond with her again. Ask her what her perception of you is. Show empathy and accept that her that perspective is different from yours. Accept that her perception may be far different from your intent. She may have felt disrespected when you totally did not mean to make her feel that way. Chances are, you didn't even take her feelings into consderation when you choose to do what you did.
Bond with her by calmly listering to her without defending yourself, and try to understand what is going through her head. Do the same. Share with her what your perspective is, and what your perceptions are. This is your chance to "state your case" and set things straight. This is your chance to explain yourself and your reasons for doing things. Accept what she has to say about it. Do not expect her to justify herself to you.

By showing empathy, consideration, and respect, you prove to someone that you are not a bad person.

Empathy means that you make effort to understand what others feel, and it demonstrates sincerity. Consideration means that you give that person'e feelings weight, it shows that you care about their feelings. Respect means that you accept that person's feelings, and the reasons they have for things (without needing to them to justify them to you).

If you get this across to your mom, you can give her some insight into your thought proces, and she will see that you feel badly and want her continued love and approval.

Whatever happens, keep calm and take the high road. Do not try to upset her or hurt her feelings. Do not say or do anything out of spite. You will only make things worse and regret it later.

Answer 2

First and foremost no one is perfect, Christian or otherwise, and everyone has a past. I have a couple sisters and a brother that are Christians and they had a different life before finding themselves and God. I don't think your parents are disgusted in you, maybe a little disappointed and concerned. I'm not sure how old you are but as a mother I know it would hurt me to know my daughter was having sex at a young age. As a parent, (and you'll understand this when you have kids) you don't want to see your kids do things that could potentially harmful to themselves. Maybe you should try to approach your mom and talk to her about it......it'll be hard and awkward, but it may just be the best thing. If you feel you are mature enough to have a sexual relationship, you should be mature enuogh to approach your mom and say, I'm sorry about what happened can we talk about this? Your parents love you and only want what's best for you.

And pumpkin, if you are having sex........please, please, please use 2 types of protection.....a condom and some other form. The last thing you want is an STD or a child. Abstinence is the best form.

Best of Luck to you!!!

Answer 3

You need to abide by your mother and father's household rules. They are just looking out for your best interest. Have you thought about the consequences if you were to get pregnant? What about HIV or AIDS? You don't say how old you are but I am sure you don't want to have to take care of a baby right now. Sex is a big responsibility and should not be taken lightly. Talk to your mother or if you find that hard, write her a note expressing how you feel and what is going on in your mind. Even Christians understand sex. Good luck and God Bless you.

Answer 4

First of all, I'm guessing you're pretty young, so why are you engaging in sex anway? Maybe this boyfriend you have that likes to send you sex emails isn't all that good for you anyway. You're mom has every right to be disappointed in you, and it will take a long time before she forgives you, especially since she's very christian. You did mess up big time. My advice to you is to dump this guy, spend your time with a guy you can act your age around and someone your parents can trust. Also, tell your parents you love them everyday and keep listening to them and show them you are a responsible and good kid, even though you made a poor choice. Trust me, it could have been worse.. your parents could have found an email of your boyfriends penis with a message that said "here you go baby, here's my 6 and a half dick that you want to suck so bad" -that's what happened to my little sister, and since my mom broke them up she's been much happier.. she has a guy who treats her like she should be treated, not like a sex tool.

Answer 5

Forget about your mom for a moment. You've had the opportunity to find out what kind of a bond sex creates between two people. And I bet you can therefore make an educated guess what would happen if some third party came along someday, or if you broke up. You'd be heartbroken, because you'd be leaving a bit of yourself with him, and he with you.

This is why it's such a good idea, when we enter into such a relationship, to do it with intention, make a decision to focus together on doing what needs to be done to make a good, lasting relationship.

This sort of thing requires that we be in a position to take 100% responsibility for your life - which is kind of difficult for anyone who is still living with Mom and Dad and being supported by them.

So nowadays, even though I've been living on my own for a LONG time, I myself am very careful about even taking steps in the direction of such a relationship. So you know, I may not have 'gone all the way' yet, but I do have some idea what I'm missing. Nevertheless, I haven't done anything non-platonic in over 22 years, and am still waiting for the man I'm going to spend my life with before I do anything like that again.

All that having been said, I think that like it or not, the bond is there, and it does need to be respected. Back in Old Testament times, for heaven's sake, you guys would have had to get married the minute you were discovered! And that needs to be balanced with the need to respect your family.

I think what I'd do in your shoes is say something like, 'I understand very well how sacred the bond created by sex is, and precisely for this reason, I don't think it is a good idea to just break up. If anything, I think it's a good reason to move in the direction of marriage someday. Nevertheless, I understand that maybe it's too soon to actually get engaged, so how about this: I will agree to see him only at our place, with you guys present.'

And then yeah - no more sneaking around. You will need to be very proactive to regain your mother's trust. Probably you will need to *voluntarily* tell her where you are going to be literally every minute of the day, and of course agree to only be in places she would approve of - and see to it that it will always be possible for her to verify you are really where you say are going to be. Preferably in real time. And you probably need to have that in place before you discuss your relationship with your boyfriend again.

May God bless you with wisdom as to what to do, how to speak to Mom, etc. and treat everyone concerned with respect - yourself, your folks, and of course your boyfriend and his family.

Answer 6

well it depends how old you are. I mean you are gonna have sex someday right? she doesnt think you are a bad person she is probably worried about you getting a disease or coming up pregnant.I had sex the very first time when I was 13. when my mom found out she sat me down and told me she didnt want me 2 get pregnant and that if i was gonna be 'active' at such an early age i should atleast use protection. She didnt tell me to break up with him tho. I wouldnt have even if she would have. Im sure she doesnt think you are a bad person.


Best of luck =)

Answer 7

Your mom knows and does not think you are a bad person no matter how disgusted they are with you. The reason parents get so made is because they love you and want whats best for you. I know it feel like they are just annoying you sometimes and that you know what is right and wrong, but believe they know much more than you think... Sit and have a nice talk with her and let her know that you are sorry but you wish she would have come and talk to you first before looking through your things. I dont know what the outcome of your talk will be, but it will probably make you both feel a lot better.

Answer 8

I do not know how old you are but more likely you are under the age of 18.

You mother is just looking out for your best interest.
she's probably worried about you becoming pregnant or catching an STD.
and her being super religious she will follow old beliefs that were brain washed into her from birth, and does not understand the new age.

remember she is using what she learned as a kid.
girls, legs together, hands on lap, treasure your treasure.
dress as a woman ( Victorian ).

times have changed, it's OK to learn about your body, but your emotions are governed by your hormones now, you still developing maybe not physically but emotionally you have a lot to learn, and can get you into trouble, and this is why you mother is upset with you.

I hope she had a sensible talk with you and not a yelling match, this does not solve anything only causes problems.
your mother should have sat down and calmly discussed the situation, problem mother do not know how to do this, as she never had this situation when she grew up, also being super religious it's hard for your mother to speak to you about sex, boyfriends, girls and being together.
I'm a parent, and going through the same situation.
I talk about anything, and willing to discuss anything, with out flying off the handle.
My wife, has a hard time talking about this with our kids, that's why they come to me because I do not yell at them, I speak to them and find out what they are going through, and keep the discussion to myself.

Example I caught my teenage son looking at naked girls on the net.
I sat with him, and explained, that these girls are being paid money for this, many do this for easy money. but in real life they are total different.
you are to respect all girls, treat them as you want to be treated in return.
I knew he was at an age where the girls body was a puzzle to him, and curious to learn more. I'm fine with that, there is no harm done.
We sat and discussed this, he was fine.
but at the end, I told him don't let mom catch you she will not understand.

just be careful, use your better judgment, as a dumb mistake now can affect the rest of your live.

All the best.

Answer 9

Well speaking from a personal exp. I can tell u it is extremely painful to have ur mom find out like that. I can honestly fell ur pain. This is something that will change ur life for ever. Ur mom feel betrayed, disappointed,and most of all hurt. The best thing to do is to show her that ur sorry and that u do respect her and care. I'm not saying drop ur bf but try to see if they will understand. When it comes to something like that all u 4 have to sit down together and have a talk. You bf need to say sorry to ur parents and show his face, u can be on ur own he has to support u. Even if ur not pregnant or anything he should be there. That way he shows ur parents that he has the balls to confront them. He will set a good example, and show ur parent that he truly loves u. I know how u feel so i can truly say that u can count on me. if u need some one to talk to, or u need further advice I'm here u can I'm me or simply email me. ok. Hope everything works out. All I can say now is "keep ur Head up thing will get better".

From the hear,

Twilight

Answer 10

You have admitted to what you done. Sweetheart. There is so much more to life than sex. I hate that you done that. Mother loves you very much. There is a reason why she is angry or upset with you. She is a christian and she knows that God does not like fornication. If you start at a early age you will continue through out your life trying to find sex to fill that void. Don't do it again until you are married, respect your mothers christianty and most of respect yourself. Right now the best thing for you to do is to asked for your mothers forgiveness. Stay away from the young man until your mother says that it is okay for you to talk to him. And maybe you need to see what this christianty is about. Trust me you would love it and it would help you in the long run with better decision.

Answer 11

First and foremost, sex is going to happen and plain and simple. Im sick of hearing about uber-christian fundementalists saying its wrong and immoral , if that is so , then have them explain the entire book of Song of Solomon, its the most lurid writing ever, just cleverly disgused.

But as far as your mom hacking into your files and then blowing the lid on your business and then demanding you to break up, I would say to you, to ignore it all , if you love the guy then what should it matter? It's your decision , not theirs, just for god's sake be careful ,use protection and look at for yourself and would hope you and your boyfriend are within a certain age range, because if your under 18 or 16 in some states and he is older, then stop it right now because that IS wrong and illegal, but if you are within age range together then stay together.. The only thing I WOULD tell you is to hault the sneaking out stuff, that will land you in some police trouble if your mom wishes to push the issue. You will need to approach the issue differently, see him but don't sneak out.