How do u learn how to trust someone that u really want to be with, after he has cheated on you?

Question

I have a boyfriend that I love so much. He makes me feel really special and loved at times. He is my 1st adult relationship. Now everything may sound good bt its nt, he has a big flaw. He cheated on me with a female at his job and i find out about it through his e-mail. Now around this time, I would have put everythng on my life that he was being faithful. Im glad I didnt cuz I would be dead now. So, everytime I get this feeling that something is going on, he accuse me of being insecure and paranoid. Then he always say he is going to leave me if I keep accusing him of things. But i tell him all the time that if I wouldnt have found out about his liitle affair, he would still be doing it and i would be in the dark. Sometimes, I go to the extreme to see if he is cheating like, go through his phone, follow him to make sure he isnt doing anything or talking to someone. Im tired of having to wonder about him all the time and being paranoid. What should I do?

Answer 1

ok.. first off girl dont stay with someone that hurt you.. they dont love you.. if they are able to do the one thing that can rip your heart apart. find someone that appreciates you.. and cant live a moment without you not in their arms. find someone that is happy to have just you. someone that is strong against Cheating. Dont stay with someone because you think they will change. cheaters will always be cheaters the only thing they will make sure that they arent caught. no relashionship is worth fighting for of trust. He isnt worth it. no man is worth it i know its easy for anyone to tell you all of this....but girl its an interest at heart and you need to find someone that can make you happy.and is always there for you no matter what. thats what you need to do. pick your self up and stop fellowing a man that treated you as if you were a stepping stone to a girl he wanted. love is transparent you never know whose the one that really loves you. girl you need to walk out of the relashionship. hes your first it wont be easy i wont lie about that. but youll grow from it..and find someone better. someone that is worth your love.

Answer 2

Wow, I have been here, it almost sounds like I wrote this just a few months ago. My Bf made me feel special and loved ect. too. I found out threw e-mail as well that he was cheating it was not with someone at his job but someone he met on a side job. There is really no easy advise to give for something like this. People get over things in their own way or either they decide to move on. I decided to stay with my BF because we had a good relationship and friendship, but I was really angry and bitter about what happened, and I still feel that way at times when I think about it but first in formost a way to start being able to trust again is by keeping in mind what the facts are and not forgetting about what happened, because you just want it to go away. Let it be known that you are not happy about what happened, that way if really cares this will be the time he will start to show you that he realizes he made a mistake and he will then do what he has to do to gain your trust, and this will make you slowly start to trust again. It is not something that is easy to do, but if you think its worth giving the relationship another chance then try, Good Luck

Answer 3

I completely understand. I went through a very similar situation when I was playing in his phone and saw that he was texting a girl about picking her up for the movies. He met her online and that was going to be the first time they would meet. So my problem was he didn't physically cheat but he was still emotionally involved. I am still in the relationship and I love him but my heart is always hurting, thinking he may be cheating. I think there's no point to a relationship without trust but believe me, I know it's hard to leave. If he doesn't understand you need complete open honesty then move on. Mine has understood and he explains everything he does so I don't have to question or wonder. We have built back a lot of trust so I believe it can happen. Follow your heart sweetheart.

Answer 4

I understand were u r at. I was there for 10 year and he was my husband. What I have to say is the same as everyone else. once a cheater always a cheater. I can't count how many time he cheated on me and he also told me that he would leave me. But I just go tired of all the checking the phone, calling him to see what time he was coming home, where and with whom he was with. Didn't like most of his female co-worker. And I can tell you that it will continue on and on. If you want to live life like that continue to be with him. I stayed for so long because I loved him, but that didn't change anything. Good luck!!

Answer 5

Your relationship is ruined. Even if he never cheats again, you won't be able to get over the first time. Some people can move past it and forgive, but it seems you can't. So, don't drive yourself crazy and don't live your life following this guy and wondering what he's doing every second he's not with you.

He's a loser anyway for cheating. That's what a lowlife does. I'd brush myself off and move on. He doesn't deserve you. And you're right, he'd still be screwing that chick if you didn't check his email so he's just a lowdown dirty dog who'll give you fleas eventually.

Move on.

Answer 6

You need to see a counselor. It is so hard to get over things like this, but if he is threatening you with leaving then let him. I've been through a few of these relationships, it never worked. There a good men out there I finally found one now married 3 years and together for six. Your whole life changes when you find a good man. Good luck.

P.S just remember that you are Worth the world to someone who is out there, and when you least expect you'll find him.

Answer 7

Being your 1st adult relationship it's time to know one thing: Black-mailers and cheaters never change. Once a cheater always a cheater at heart, given the right circustances.
You are better off to lick your wounds and move on. He does not deserve your loyalty and love. This cheating fact, will happen again sooner or later, do you want to go through this again, through this pain ? This fact will always linger in the back of your mind if he does something weird or starts ignoring you. It is up to you, and only you.

Answer 8

I am so sorry this happened to you. I know what it is like to have your heart broken. I know that you still love him, but this is the time where you have to toughen up and not let your heart rule you common sense. You are still young and have so much to look forward to. This person is not for you and not for anyone, he does not want a committed relationship, he has proven that. Please get out of this unhealthy relationship and don't believe him, when he says he is faithful, and then trys putting everything on you, like you are insecure and paranoid when he is the one that put you in that state of mind. Sweetie he does not really care about, let him go. Someone very special is waiting to have someone like you in their life, stop wasting your valuable time on this two timing scum. You deserve better, dont settle!!!!!

Answer 9

Trust is hard. He needs to understand that he screwed up.

On your side though, you need to sit yourself down and ask yourself if you really can trust him again. If it's a no, then leave. Why waste your time trying to chase something when you are going to make his life hell?

If it's yes, then stay, but you two need to talk things through and you need to stop thrusting yourself in his life. Doing so will only drive him away.

You can't love someone if you don't trust them.
I know this because some I used to care about didn't trust me and that I wasn't going to be faithful. So in the end I never did anything wrong, and they were alone.

Answer 10

Honey, you don't learn to trust , you have to chose to. You will find someone else if that is what you chose to do. I think he should be a little more understanding of your feelings about all of this, but it does not sound like he is capable of looking at this through your eyes at all, in part because he is selfish. You have to chose to trust him if you chose to do so, but that means you can't keep going through his things, and following him. Trust is trust. he is the one that allowed it to be ruined, you are the one that chooses whether or not he gets another chance. Sometimes trust can not be reestablished and you may have to face that. He never should have ruined what you guys had together in the first place. Good Luck..