Will i ever feel the same?

Question

Let me elaborate! From the age of eleven i started smoking marijuana (call it peer pressure or what you will), from there it escalated to amphetamines, ecstacy, cocaine, that not being enough i started to empty my familys medicine cupboards, taking everything from chlorapromazine to kapake to buspar to amptytriptiline (the spelling might not be spot on), the list went on, it reached a climax when my body shut down at the age of about 20 & had to be revived at my local hospital. From then i've seen the errors of my way (i take the occasional drink) but with the damage already done i now suffer from various illnesses which effect my day to day life along with various mental problems depression, anxiety etc. I'm now 25, been going with a girl almost 4yrs, gettin myself qualified to a professional level in PC maintenance/repair, things are on the up but i still feel withdrawn from society, i find it hard to leave the house & i have this overall feeling of dread, will it ever go away?

Answer 1

I just want to congratulate you on realising your mistakes and that you are doing well for yourself after all that you've been through..It seems you've had a very tough life but you must be very strong minded to have got yourself out of it onto the right path..You need to stop thinking negative all the time now, you need to realise that you may not have even been in the position you are in now and that should be appreciated. Talk to your girlfriend about your feelings as much as you can it will help you..and that feeling of dread, is it because you cant let go of the past..In general society nobody is perfect even though they seem..society has created things like drugs, alcohol etc in the first place, and its a great achievement for you to have overcome all this having experienced it..you need to stay strong and firm that you are an important role of society, especially for the millions of young children out there who are experiencing drugs and drink everyday at surprisingly young ages. It will go away when you realise this.

Answer 2

depression, anxiety, feel withdrawn from society, i find it hard to leave the house & i have this overall feeling of dread

Those are quite common feelings for people even without drugs, chum. I have it some times and I know other people do. You probably need a psychiatrist (I'm no expert), but if you've had enough of hospitals and the like then my advice is to do some stuff that makes you feel good naturally:

exersize - releases good brain chemicals plus you can feel good when looking good.
art - you could write, sing, paint what you've been through.
learn - learn to do something new always makes you feel good, but don't take exams as they just stress you out! Do something that isn't job related so it doesn't become just more work.

Anyway, good luck - really.

Answer 3

Well done for having come a long way in your life, you sound like a really strong person. You have been through a hell of a lot and I can totally understand that you are finding things tough.

Have you tried counselling, it can help to focus your mind on the positives. Also, groups like NA (narcotics anonymous) can really help you to share with other people going through the same things that you are.

It looks like you're doing well in your life, you have a steady relationship and are getting a career going. You may always feel a bit different from other people your age, because of what you've been through but you're not alone, and you have survived so far.

Try looking at

http://www.ukna.org/

Answer 4

There is a simple way to feel better about your life and history. Share with others, do something to help them. The solution in your case seems obvious to me. Contact your local MHMR or DARE representative and tell them you would be willing to share your story with jr high or high school classes. You might try it with the "troubled" kid classes at first, you will feel a kinship with them. It will be stressful at first, until you gain the confidence you so richly deserve. Once you develop the confidence, you may want to tell it to larger audiences, such as school assembly. In the bargain, you may be saving others from making the same mistakes. If you do this for years, think how many individuals you may affect! Your funk will definitely be lifted if you can get over the threshold of inertia to do this.

Your experiences are valuable, DO consider sharing what you have learned. That is what being human is all about.

Answer 5

Drug taking can induce paranoia and these feelings can last for years even after you have stopped taking the drugs.However they do go away especially when you get some self respect.What you feel just now is that you dont deserve the things others have because you were a druggie in the past and were a bad person -Am I right?
well you will realise you do deserve the same kind of life as anyone else maybe even moreso as you have already overcome such a lot in a short life

Answer 6

Yeah it will go away, I was just like you, but your brain and body have been bombarded with all these chemicals, and years of abuse, it really needs to just even out. You may have done permanent damage to your brain, you might need to see a professional, to get on head drugs ( i don't reccommend they made me worse). But you need to keep yourself busy and do something positive, I got married and had kids, and that has made me happier than any drug out there. I'm not recommending to do that, but it really helped me, once you do something that you are proud of, you will feel a lot better about yourself, but it took me a few years, and I'm still not completly over it all. I still don't like leave the house at times, and I'm withdrawn you would say compared to normal standards, i still have panic attacks, and anxiety, and drepression, but i think it's normal. I'm a pretty happy person over all.

I did everything you were doing and then some. I did nothing but go to raves, and eat drugs everyday for about 6 years.

Answer 7

Sounds like you may have caused a chemical imbalance in your body. Those amounts of chemicals while your brain is still developing can be incredibly damaging.

You should probably speak with a doctor about what you are feeling who will be able to prescribe you healthy levels of anti-depressents or other various things to counter balance the negative impact of your early drug use.

It is important to get help so that you aren't tempted to use unhealthy substances again in an attempt to feel normal.

Answer 8

Its going to take time it sounds like a cliche but time does help. You may never feel completely normal again you will all ways be an addict and you can't escape that.The important thing is your taking the right steps to recovery! I was addicted to cocaine myself I gave up 4yrs ago and still find socialising difficult. Drugs gave me false confidence, but now I find talking to people difficult its almost like I think they know what I am.I too am left with health problems and I think the worst of it is nobody knows just how shy how I feel,but somebody does know you know.Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning and no-one can hear me, but we are not drowning we just need to keep riding the storm because the sun must shine eventually right?

Answer 9

I'd recommend counselling and seeing a doctor for some anti depressants.
Counselling may be a help, I know a lot of people knock it but it can change your way of thinking. Go and talk to your doctor. You probably have serious depression because of the drug abuse.
I used recreational drugs a few years back and I'm now on Prozac.
Hope you get the help you need and good luck to you.

Answer 10

No you won't. A experience like that will change your life forever. It's up to you whether the effect is positive or negative. First of all, see your doctor. You should also get involved with as many support groups as possible. Unique as your experience is, I'm sure there is someone in this world who has the same fears as you. Find them and support them. Good luck.