I really appreciated your interest in this question, but I closed it too soon and didn't get to say much.
I was hard on dad. Over all, he is very loyal with a lot of integrity, and has other wonderful traits. He takes good care of us financially (great work ethics), and I really appreciate all of this. His pride is a bit overpowering at times, he alienates us emotionally, and has been critical when we really needed guidance. So, how can I help our children have more respect for their dad? He has done some harm in the past, and he reignites the pain by not trying to understand the current issue. He shoots back at them defensively instead of asking questions that could help defuse the situation. He thinks I have to stand up in the middle of the argument and tell the kids to respect him, or they never will. I do talk to them privately & respectively which calms them down, and then he reignites the pain again next chance he gets. I do respect him for who he is. But Help.
2006-08-31 06:10:18 · 8 answers · asked by so what do you think? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Quit catering to their "Pain" smack the crap out of them. They will stop. I did.
2006-08-31 06:15:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
apparently you married him at the time for the right reasons, but unfortunately, he wasn't as mature as you may have thought.
If he really wanted to be a better father than his own or any other father, he wouldn't get defensive but look into what he could do to be a better dad.
We don't live in a perfect world, I'm sorry to say. We can't always be the best parents, some of us are doing the best that we can. Given that he is a good provider, is some consolation. But should he sacrafice what he does to be better at something else, like being a better dad, is he ready to settle for what he has achieved, and try being a better father?
If He's asking you to make a stand, for him when there is a flare up, maybe he's trying to not be a worse father, by doing the wrong thing and saying the wrong things, he could be frustrated and worn from what he does at work.
Being silent can be as bad, even though you do try to calm your kids when their father isn't around to aggravate the situation.
If your husband isn't privy to your efforts, you're allowing him to gradually build a resentment which could fester and be a wedge that can cause your family to eventually break up.
Communication is essential to a healthy relationship, but we're not givien the instructions we need to make it all work all of the time. Sometimes you have to make the stand for what you believe in, in support for each other, maybe, . . as corny as it may seem, everyone needs a group hug, and validate that you all will have a different opinion on matters that we feel are important to us. But also, affirm that you love your kids, you love your husband, and you're trying to be a good mom & dad, it isn't easy could you guys forgive us if we're not the perfect parents?
Its much to easy to be angry, and resentful, thats why there is so much strife in the world we live in.
You may not be the one who will win the nobel peace prize, but you can make a difference, and maybe your kids may find it in themselves to forgive their parents and be a little more understanding in the future. And Dad, could try to be a better dad too, even though he didn't have a book of instructions on how to raise kids either.
We're all doing the best that we can, in difficult times. Sometimes its not so easy, but trying is half of the reward.
Good luck
& take care
mahalo!!!
2006-08-31 13:37:44 · answer #2 · answered by somber_pieces 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I cursed at my dad, it would have been the last thing I'd said with a full set of teeth.
I know this doesn't really help your situation, but is an indicator that this situation has festered over time and my take a while to heal, if it ever does.
Good luck and Godspeed.
2006-08-31 13:18:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Screw him! If he is such a great dad then he needs to be showing it to his kids! He is doing nothing of the sort. Your husband is lucky that they haven't done more then cuss him out! Your husband sounds very immature, and insecure in himself that he has to take out his anger on his own flesh and expect them to respect him!!! You all need some serious help! Why do you chose to try to make him sound good?
2006-08-31 13:18:36 · answer #4 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is kind of a part of growing I think most kids have gotten to the point of hatting parents at least once. and being a dad is not easy either and we all goof up more than once in our lives things have a way of working them self out. keep the lines of commotion open
2006-08-31 13:22:32 · answer #5 · answered by norsmen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sounds like he needs to change a little himself. There is nothing you can really do.They should have more respect for him but he needs to have more respect for them.
2006-08-31 13:21:17 · answer #6 · answered by pmdan00 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should not allow it himself instead of expecting you to step in. HE needs to be in charge of not letting them talk to him that way. Don't let your sons badmouth their dad in front of you either. Slap them and say don't talk about your dad like that.
2006-08-31 13:26:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind them that despite his flaws he is their father and he does
love and support them.
2006-08-31 13:16:03 · answer #8 · answered by retrodragonfly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋