Last week, i told my sister i would go to her child's open house IF i wasn't busy. Today she called to see what time i was planning on showing up..I told her yesterday that i probably wouldn't be able to make it due to homework and study time. Now, she's blameing me for her not being able to go. Keep in mind, this is HER child, not mine. Is it wrong for me to put my school and future career ahead of her child? She's calling my undependable, which i'm not. If i had the extra time, i would go...any feedback would be appreciated.
2006-08-31 06:02:55 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sounds like your sister needs to remember you have a life, too. Also, she needs to get the wax out of her ears and listen to the word IF.
2006-08-31 06:06:01 · answer #1 · answered by DMBthatsme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, in this situation I can see both sides. You did give her your word, even if it wasn't an explicit promise. And she expected you to go, and probably told her child, who was excited to see you! On the other hand, you're right, shoolwork is very important to you right now and for your future.
There are solutions to this:
- You could've just "dropped-in" for 10 minutes if the location isn't too far away to get to. That way, you would've had study time, only 1/2 hour or so less, which might not have made that much of a difference anyways if you were planning to study for hours.
- You could've said from the beginning that you "might or might not" be able to make it. That way, it wouldn't have seemed like a set, promised, done deal that you were going.
In the future, just be sure to qualify or add a sentence saying, "if I can find time". People will totally understand that, if you add that and tell them.
Good luck with your coursework. It's important. And I'm glad you have a bright future ahead of you.
P.S. By the way, I know you're not undependable because you thought enough about this to even ask this question. An undependable person would've have taken the time to ask. So you're considerate and are able to reflect on your actions as well -- which are great qualities in an invidividual! Best of luck to you and your sister.
2006-08-31 06:12:13 · answer #2 · answered by Who_Loves_Pizza?_I do!_I do! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will probably be the only person here with this viewpoint, but hey, who cares, right? I think relationships are more important than being "right".
If the only thing keeping you from going is study and homework, stay up a little later, those are not time specific as an open house is. It would mean a lot to your sister and even more to her child -- your neice or nephew if you went. It would strengthen your relationship instead of putting a wedge in it.
Limit the time you stay at the Open House to 45 minutes or whatever you can spare -- but go. Just know that you are not to blame for the argument, you are within your rights not to go, but also feel good about the fact that you chose to put someone else before yourself and you are making a sacrifice by staying up a little later to do your homework and study -- I promise you will feel better about going than not going in the long run.
Also, when children are involved, they take what you say to heart and a maybe in their minds is a yes. This child could be so excited that his/her mother is feeling the pressure. So next time, say I'll see and let you know that day and don't give an answer until you know whether the answer is yes or no to avoid the drama.
It is your decison whatever you choose and when you choose also choose not to feel guilty or angry about it.
2006-08-31 06:15:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you're not obligated to go because as you stated, this isn't your child. (You're the child's aunt so I still find your attitude somewhat curious). In the time allotted to a typical open house, you would not likely have made an appreciable dent in your studying anyway that would put you behind if you opted to attend...unless you hadn't been studying all along. The choice is yours, but I wouldn't rely too heavily on the pompous "my school and my future career" argument to sustain you. This is your family, it's a minimal sacrifice that's probably not very time-intensive anyway. You just don't want to go, so with that attitude, you probably shouldn't.
2006-08-31 06:27:01 · answer #4 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your life and schooling comes first. If you were in medical school you would miss wedding, funerals, etc., and probably upset a lot of people along the way, but you have to think of the long term goal. What's more important - attending a wedding or learning how to heal the sick and graduating from medical school? I don't know what you are studying, but you have the right priorities, and you DID tell your sister that you MAY go if you weren't busy, and you ARE busy. She is in the wrong, and you aren't.
2006-08-31 06:10:57 · answer #5 · answered by Paul H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you said "IF", you qualified your statement. You cannot be held responsible every time someone reads more into what you say than you intend, even though they will - oh, how they will!
Don't accept the blame. Let her know you are more than happy to be a part of your neice's life, but that you have to make your goals a priority. It's not like this was a medical emergency, after all.
If she doesn't understand this, she'll simply have to accept it and you'll just have to remind her every once in a while.
2006-08-31 06:08:57 · answer #6 · answered by QuackJak 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister should be more understanding of your studies especially since you said "IF" which doesn't hold you to anything. After all, this is her responsibility as a parent and not yours, although I understand that you were trying to be a good Aunt. I feel that you're not wrong. Keeping studying and I wish you a bright and happy future!!!
2006-08-31 06:14:30 · answer #7 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister must have really wanted you to go with her and she depended on you. But I totally know how you feel and I think you should always put yourself first because its you that is the most important. Just make sure she understands you next time that you will come as long as nothing else comes up or somethign more important doesnt arrise.
2006-08-31 06:08:22 · answer #8 · answered by Angel_ThuGEt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the child needs support to. open house dose not take a lot of time. sounds like your sister dose not had a way to get there. that child is part of your future. if you don't have a little time to help her show her child how important she is. it will come back on you.if you have little to give where a child is concern, especially one in your on family. you have little to give to a future and if you get little in return, you earned it
2006-08-31 06:30:44 · answer #9 · answered by dillydoll727 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
both family and career are important...i can't tell witch wins
you should try to make time to do both...and...it is not like her child's open house is every day
you should find time to go...evan for a couple of minutes..i think ur sister would really appreciate
2006-08-31 06:10:12 · answer #10 · answered by Diana_84 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋