What is the appropriate age??

Question

what is the best age to tell your kid that the father he/she has known all his/her life is actually his/her stepfather???

I think everyone has the right to know who is their biological father at one point in their life!!

Answer 1

As soon as they're old enough to understand what the difference is, and mature enough to realize that it makes no difference in the relationship they've always known.

The longer the wait past that point only creates resentment and distrust after they know the truth.

Answer 2

If it's not knowledge that they've grown up with, then it will be difficult at any age. If the relationship between your daughter and her stepfather is as strong as most normal father/daughter relationships and if there's little chance of her finding out if you don't tell her, I'd let it be. It may take a weight off you to tell her but you'd likely be causing her more pain than she needs to go through. If they have not developed a close bond through the years, telling her may help her understand the relationship better. But she would probably still be hurt. If you are determined to tell her at some point in time regardless, I would suggest doing it as soon as she has an understanding of what divorce, remarriage, and stepparenting is. The longer you wait to tell her, the more lied to she will feel and and the more resentment she will feel towards you.

Answer 3

My husband has a daughter whom he wants to have a relationship with. He has had phone contact with her for a while now but because she was so young her mother and stepfather didn't tell her that it was her real father that was the one calling. In any case, the judge granted my husband emergency parenting time because they were resisting it and specifically mentioned that the mother has "commited a fraud on the child" by leading her to believe that her stepfather is her real father and not explaining to her that my husband is the real father. The judge also added that this is criminal and the mother can be forced to pay fines or jailtime. So be careful, always tell children the truth, they'll want to know eventually.

Answer 4

At an age where they will understand the difference and have the ability to deal with the concept. I would say between the ages of 11-13... Depending on the child's maturity level, etc.

Answer 5

Why do you think the child should be told at all?

Why can't the stepfather tell the child when the time is appropriate?

What difference would it make to tell the child now? Do you think you could handle that kind of news?

There's only one kind of father, and that's the one who raises you, biology doesn't really matter sometimes. And the one raising your child is the father.

What difference would it make to tell them now?

Answer 6

about 13

Answer 7

That is something that maybe should be talked about at a younger age...the longer you wait the anger or resentment they might have towards you. When I was 12 I found out that my dad had been married before my mom, I was irate!!! I thought that my dad had other kids out there and that he didn't love us because we had been lied to. My dad finally talked to me about the situation and everything turned out ok, but I mean it really hurt to know that my dad had had a past life...try to do it when they are younger, they will understand alot better!

Answer 8

Well, there isn't a defined guideline of age. If you feel your child is old enough to understand, it is better to let them know sooner than later. If your child is asking questions about it, then the child is old enough for the answer. Just make sure the child is at an age he/she can comprehend what you are trying to explain. Good luck!

Answer 9

well if that is the only father that the child know, that is hard because he is dad. wait until she is old enough to understand life which is hard to say. if that man walked out on you while you were pregnant, i probably would not tell. if he has had no contact in the child's life, why even bring him up. one thing i did experience myself is that will give the child someone to run to when the child gets mad at you.

Answer 10

It's not about "the age" it's all about "timing". I told my daughter when she was 13. Not because I thought she was "old enough" to know, but because I thought she needed to know, and things were going on around us that I didn't have control over.
I found that "honesty is the best policy" If you tell them part of the situation, it's best if you just lay it all on the line and just be there to answer any and all questions that will follow....Trust me, there will be follow up questions. Good luck!!