My father has been deceased for five years. She is active in a church singles group, dates regularly, and never visits the cemetery. My siblings and I feel this is a little inappropriate but none of us has the nerve to tell her. My boyfriend's parents celebrated their 50th last year with a nice open house and I think my mom feels she is entitled to her own party, too. Has anyone encountered this situation? Are we wrong for not feeling comfortable with this "event"? This will take place at a nice restaurant and she says this is "what Dad would have wanted". She exhibits passive aggressive tendencies and likes to use guilt to manipulate us.
2006-08-31 05:05:25 · 19 answers · asked by jlmacy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I disagree with most people here but the idea of a this party is totally inappropriate. I suspect that your mother wants a party/50th celebration only to draw attention to herself and force family members into making a her the center of attention. For your own mental health and maybe your siblings, Tell her what you think - if not, don't go to the party (call in "sick" or some such)... and whatever you do - do not pay for anything, make your Mom pay for all of it. Turn the passive-aggressive nonsense around on her.
2006-08-31 05:51:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's kind of a sticky situation. Just because she dates regularly and doesn't go to the cemetery doesn't mean she doesn't miss him. My long-term boyfriend lost his son to cancer when he was 5 and he says that going to his grave site is just too hard. He goes twice a year, on Zach's birthday and the anniversary date of the day they lost him. Anyway, I digress...I say go for it, let her celebrate what would have been their 50th anniversary. You may want to mention the idea of you ALL going to the cemetery together before you have dinner...put some fresh flowers on his grave site & talk about old memories of him.
As far as the "guilt" thing - my mom does that too...and I can't stand it..so, you're not alone there ;-)
Best of luck, Marilyn
2006-08-31 05:12:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just do it!! That will give your family and friends an opportunity to remember your Dad and bring back the memories from the past! It's not very often any more that you see people celebrate 50 years together! And I'm sure your Mom is right, that your Dad probably would of wanted you to do that! Celebrate and remember! Let your Mom have her night! You could have some pics of your Dad sitting around, some of both of them, share your memories with each other!!
2006-08-31 05:16:16 · answer #3 · answered by dumplin57 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For my in-regulation's golden anniversary, a member of the family members asked all family members to deliver copies of photos of the couple from the time they have been married all a thank you to modern-day-day. This guy or woman then made a college out of the photos and had it framed. It became a huge hit.
2016-09-30 05:12:47 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's not alive then why have it? They weren't married for 50 years since he died before that. If she had visited the cemetery and was depressed or something then that would be nice but she seems to be over it.
Instead of having a dinner for a 50 year anniversary they never had, have a memorial dinner just about your father.
2006-08-31 05:09:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It does sound a bit odd to me. My dad passed on too and Mom does not continue to celebrate their anniversary. Unfortunately their time together has passed and its time to move on. She will never forget my Dad and will celebrate the anniversary in her heart. She too now has a "companion" as she describes it. I initially had a hard time with this, but realized no one deserved to be alone. She is a very energetic woman and enjoys life to the fullest. Sit down with siblings and approach Mom with your feelings. Reassure her that Dad is always in your hearts but making a big celebration out of it is not comfortable for you. She can remember him in a more personal way. Good luck!
2006-08-31 05:11:56 · answer #6 · answered by angelkiss 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She is not entitle to have a 50th anniversary party. If your Dad has been gone 5 years,did she celebrate all the other Anniversary? (I mean in the pass 5 years). If not, point that out to her. If she insists,about the celebration, just tell her that you can't make it. ( Ask her if she's bringing a date)LOL
2006-08-31 05:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
if she wishes to celebrate this event even though technically its not really her anniversary but I can understand how she must feel I think it would be best to just keep it a celebration between you immediate family or offer to through her a big bash for her next birthday good luck
2006-08-31 12:39:26 · answer #8 · answered by Sandra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Humor your mother. Although she dates she may still miss your father and she may not go to his graveside because it is too painful.
It won't hurt to have the party and it may make your mom feel better.
2006-08-31 05:12:50 · answer #9 · answered by nana4dakids 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She spent 45 years with your father. Let her observe the day anyway she wants. It's not hurting you.
2006-08-31 05:12:48 · answer #10 · answered by SPLATT 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋