Child punishment?

Question

So, I was with my daughter, (she's 2), in Target the other day. There was a woman there with her daughter who looked to be the same age as mine. However, this other little girl was standing in the shopping cart, SCREAMING! The mom was quietly telling this girl to hush. The toddler was just pitching a fit and the mother did nothing to stop it. I could still hear her when we went to the back of the store and they were at the cash registers. My question is this...why doesn't anyone punish children anymore? I don't mean spanking the child in the middle of the store, but taking them to the car or something. My child NEVER behaves this way. She knows it's not appropriate to behave that way in public. I simply used the rule of 3 method....one: you are told to quit. Two: you get a warning, three: if I have to tell you to stop three times, I spank her bottom. The most I ever have to do now is tell her twice. Usually a look will do. Am I the only one that feels this way?

Answer 1

I love your way doing it and actually do it that way myself. I agree, parents just are so lazy these days. If I was that child's mother (God forbid), I would have taken her out of the cart, grabbed her arm, and given her a good (and well deserved) spanking. I would have done it right then and there in front of everyone. People say "Oh I wouldn't spank my child in front of everyone..that would just embarrass them."-- but that screaming child would be embarrassing me so why not embarrass them? I am right there with you and I am sickened by how kids act these days. Parents want to be their child's friend instead of their child's parent which is why they are afraid to discipline them.

Answer 2

Some parents don't. I do, but there are times that it is difficult to immediately punish a child. I have a disability and it seems that it takes all my energy to just get the shopping done. Even though my son did not do this often, the few times it did occur I would let him know he was going to be punished and he had better not forget what he was doing. Some parents in the store make comments. That's too bad because you do the best you can. If their shopping experience is ruined, to bad for them. Think about the parent that is going through it. I'm not going to leave the store because someone else thinks I let my kid get away with murder. Usually I can handle it at the time, but there are days that it must be put off. Try asking if you can help the other parent. Some are offended by this, I wouldn't be. I've asked others and they seem to appreciate it. There may be more going on than you realize.

Answer 3

I personally save the spanking for the severe times that punishment is needed. Like the fighting. In a store, I would, however, smack my sons hand if I seen him stealing or something like that, but a temper tantrum. Come on now, everyones children go through that. It is a part of life. I don't care what anyone says, all children go through temper tantrums. Maybe the child had his feelings hurt since he didn't get to get a toy. Simple solution, next time, don't go near the toys. Spanking should be used for something very bad like stealing or hitting things like that. I don't have to spank my children in the store. I am not saying that I don't believe in it or won't do it, but I do believe it should be used as a last resort so the child knows what will happen when they have severly misbehaved. My oldest son is 16, and I have used the same methods since he was a toddler, and I hardly ever have a problem out of them in a store. I am not saying my children are angels, definitely not. That would be a lie. However, they do act appropriately, at times.

Answer 4

i love count of 3...my daughter is 4 and it still works! She used to be smart alec and say "3" after I said 2...but that has since quit when she knew that when I went to three she got a spanking on her but!

It's rough when you see a mom or dad with a screaming child and they just let them scream. I don't mean to hit them or beat the crap out of them, but if they don't stop after telling them to, take them to the car! Teach them that it's not acceptable in public to act like that, because it just gets worse as they get older. You have to set some discipline or there won't be any borders when the are older!

Answer 5

It's possible to parent and raise well-manner and successful children without spanking. I think my children and the children of many of my friends are good examples of that. They know how to act in public, they know how to say please and thank you and excuse me, they know when they can be loud and when they need to be quiet as mice, etc. But they are also still children and none of them are perfect. Sometimes they do misbehave. It's to be expected.....no one is perfect.

I don't know what the problem was with the mother and child in the store, and frankly neither do you. Maybe the child was over-tired or hungry (both typical tantrum triggers) and the mom HAD to get something done before going home. (For example, walking out and going home without a box of tampons mom really needed would have been a punishment for MOM and not for the kid!) Maybe ignoring her tantrums usually works to quiet her down......many people DO recommend that you ignore tantrum behaviour. Maybe the mom was just having a bad day. It's hard to judge from ONE isolated incident how well the mother handles her child.

BACK TO SAY.....
BRAVO! to danskecat!!!!!

Answer 6

There are three ways to respond to a child who is screaming like that to get what he/she wants (having a temper tantrum):

1 - Beat them severely so that they fear you so much that they won't scream
2 - Give in to whatever they want so they won't scream
3 - Don't beat them and don't give them what they want, which results in them screaming (which is recommended by the American Pediatric Association)

So basically the kids who never scream are kids who are scared of being beaten or spoiled kids who get everything they want.

The parents who try to do the right thing (as recommended by almost all child experts and pediatricians) - not physically abuse their children and not give in to everything they want - are the ones who have screaming children, which is entirely natural at that age.

I agree that a screaming child having a temper tantrum is not a good thing in public, and when possible, parents should take their screaming children out of public situations - to the car, wherever, etc. But that's not always possible.

Answer 7

I agree with you, but I must admit that my son, (who is 12) was just like your child. I only had to tell him once, (maybe twice) and he would behave, BUT my daughter, who is 2 seems to be a bit like the child you were describing. I would have taken her out of the store however. I am finding it really difficult and feeling stupid that I talked about all the other parents who couldn't control their children. Sometimes you have to get things done and if your child is throwing a fit you still have to continue with your shopping!!!

Answer 8

Some people are afraid to discipline their children in public because so many people will call CPS over anything.

However, some people have different ways of disciplining their children. Not everyone feels the need to spank their children.

Edited to add:

After I saw my answer I thought I'd add something else. I mean no offense with what I said. I just know many, many adults and teens that are very, very well behaved that were never spanked. I also know many that were that are heathens.

Answer 9

First off -- different kids, different temperaments. You really cannot compare your child's behavior with the other's. It's likely the mother did not punish b/c punishment isn't truly effective for the long-term with a 2 year old. Remaining calm and ignoring a tempter tantrum is the best advisable way to handle it.

You choose to spank. That can have some short-term benefit, but it's not always the best way to help a child learn healthy way to dealing with things. Subduing the child for the moment is not necessarily an indication that your child benefited from it.

It sounds to me like your child is scared you will hit her, so she submits to what you tell her. Later on, though, she'll have to learn what she could be learning now. The other mother you observed might be trying to help her child to learn now.

Either way, kids have to go through some hard emotions. I'm glad you're happy with your method, but maybe the other mother is also happy (long term) with her choice.

Answer 10

You definately aren't the only one who feels this way. I think a lot of people are scared of something happening to them if they punish their children in public (ie. someone saying something if they decide to spank their child, or reporting them). Everything is becoming too PC, and more and more parents are letting their kids get away with too much.