My daughter is 13 months...?? NEED ADVICE from MOTHERS!?

Question

My daughter is 13 months old and you can image I love her to death BUT she has a temper! When she gets mad or doesn’t get her way (such as when I take things away from her, sleepy, or wanting everything to go her way) she just completely throws her head back to the ground and yells to the top of her lungs! If I try to give her something else she will throw it on the ground and yell some more!

She will also hit me!! BUT her favorite thing is to "fall out" I cant take it anymore...MOTHERS what should I do? She is my fist child and I am 22 and clueless about this. I don’t want to "pop" or "spank" her because she is so young and how will "Hitting" her make her not hit me or others basically telling her not to hit while I am hitting her..so I don’t want to really teach with hitting! But I need to break this habit.

HELP..

Answer 1

My suggestion when she falls out like that is to just walk away from her (keep and eye on her so she doesnt hurt herself, but dont let her know ur watching) Thats what i do, and thats what my mother did with me! As far as the hitting and throwing this you need to voice to her that it is not okay to hit mommy and we do not throw things, have her look you in the eyes so she know your serious and tell what u feel she should know, use your words and dont yell.

Answer 2

First call a local hospital and ask if they know of a Mommy and Me club. That will give you other Mothers to support you and give suggestions.

NEVER hit a child. First it is abuse. Second it teaches the child that hitting is okay.

You need to give your daughter time out. Read about it online. It is an easy technique but you have to be consistent. You can put her in a chair in the corner, standing is too hard, or sit her on the floor. QUIET TIME If she gets up put her back and again say quiet time Some times this works putting a child in the bedroom, or in bed. During the TO/time out you do not make eye contact, talk, responds to her even if she says I sorry, etc. When the 2 minutes is up, sit her down, look into her eyes and say DO NOT xxxxxxx.

If she tantrums on the floor, ignore her if you can. But good idea is to remove her from any stimulus/attention, and put her in a quiet area. I have seen parents take the kid outside, put the kid in the back seat and sit next to them. NEVER leave the kid alone in the car even if you are standing outside.

When she hits, you ignore her. There is a technique called basket hold, where you put her in your lap, ross her hands like an X over her chest and hold them by making an X with your arms, holding hers tightly against her chest. She could head butt so lean slightly forward, very gently, to craddle her head against your chest. DO NOT TALK. Just say no bitting and hold her for 2 minutes. When done, say do not bite. This is a good technique for many behaviors.

Taking things away is a good technique but expect she will tantrum and test your tolerance to give it back. Once you take an item, do not give it back for the rest of that morning, afternoon, or evening. At 13 months a couple of hours is a very long time and the child forgets what they did wrong.

The best advise is consistent response where she learns you will not accept a certain behavior. The once you give in, you start over. Kids will test Mother's patience and tolerance.

Answer 3

Spank her little rearend. Don't let her throw tantrums like that, she will be a spoiled brat. I spanked my kids and they don't go around hitting other kids and they are not violent, give me a break why do people always think that. Throwing a tantrum is not a habit, being a brat is a habit.
Why do people say:" I can't control my teen", well probably because they didn't put their foot down when they were 2 years old.
She probably still wears a diaper, so the spanking won't even hurt.

If you don't get this under control now you are in for it in about 10 years.

Answer 4

I know that it's hard to spank your child, especially at that young age. We use "THE CHAIR" (aka - time out). when our daughter does something bad, we say, "Okay, you're going in the chair," pick her up, put her in her chair (she's 3 now, so we use a regular chair, but when she was younger, we used her high chair), and set the timer (1 minute for each year - 1 year=1 minute, 2 years old = 2 minutes and so on...). Then, and this is the hardest part, we walk away. Usually into the other room. No one is allowed to talk to her while she's in timeout. I know it's hard, but then, when the timer beeps, if she hits you again or starts screaming like that even as you're taking her out, she goes right back in. This worked on my daughter when she was as young as 12 months, so hopefully it will help.

Now, we also add more time if she continues to scream or kick while she's in the chair. We didn't do that when she was younger, we started that when she was about 2. But, if you think your daughter will understand it, you can do that, too. Maybe she'll learn to stop screaming while she's in time out and eventually, she'll learn not to scream when she doesn't get her way. I hope this helps.

Answer 5

I can sympatize with you. I am a mother of 2. My children now are 5 and 10 and I went through the same thing with both of mine. My 5 year old now throws those fits. I guess she was a late bloomer because I didn't really have that problem with her when she was that age. I have learned that spanking them doesn't work so what I did and do now is I put them in a corner in time out. You may have to put them there numerous times but eventually they will calm down. Another thing that I learned to do was just walk away and let them throw their fit. I found by ignoring them that they would calm down quicker. I would also tell them that I am not going to talk to them right now and when they get through throwing their fit they can come see me. I will just go in another room and in about 5 minutes or so they will come in and see me and apologize or give me a hug. Try anyone of these and you will see a difference in your daughter. I was a young mother as well so I really do know how frustrating it can be. Good Luck.

Answer 6

She's not to young to be spanked. Dont be like my other friend she had her first child and now the little girl is the same age and she bites and hits her. Stop her before she gets to much older. Your the Mother, she's the Child. She needs to realize that! I'm a first time mom to (shes 2 months old) but I've had experience and had to deal with a baby that was a year old and wanted to do the same thing. Remember your the Mother, she's the Child!

Answer 7

If she hits, hold her and tell her firmly, "I will not let you hurt me!" If she throws herself down, pick her up, hold her tightly, and tell her, "I will not let you hurt baby (or her name)!"

This will help her to feel safe, to know that, even when she can't control herself or the world, Mommy can! (And her believing that Mommy can control the world is VERY helpul at 3! )

As to the frustrated behavior, the most important thing for you to remember is that she is not acting AT YOU. Screaming is the only way she has to communicate that she wants something. Now, the reality is that she can't always have what she wants, but she doesn't know that yet. (She won't *really* know it until she's about 18!)

You can't change the fact that life is frustrating for a thirteen-month-old. But what you can do is help her figure out that it's ok to get frustrated, but not ok to hit or scream. And that is a very tough job! Helping her calm down takes time, and you have stuff to do! But it's the only thing that will help her overcome the behavior. And amazingly, one day you'll realize she doesn't do it any more. Learning to talk will help a lot, but you can't rush that, and it brings a new set of problems.

I highly recommend getting one of the most recent child development books for parents, then choosing some set of reactions they recommend, and STICKING to them. Honestly, which one you choose is less important than that it feels good to you, and you do the same things each time. Having an "expert' on the bookshelf to help is one way of keeping YOU from throwing yourself on the floor and screaming!

And if the book sounds wrong to you, pick another. Ask the best mom you can think of what her favorite is, and chances are, it'll work great for you.

***EDIT***

I'm sorry, but I just read the other responses! OMG! 13 months is FAR too young for her to understand that she makes you angry! She's not doing it to get some reaction from you, she doesn't need to be punished, she needs to be helped to settle down! You're better off walking away with her in a safe place (vacuuming can drown out the sad, sad cries) than hitting or punishing her, but your daughter and the rest of the world are better off if you help her learn to calm herself and feel safe.

PLEASE GET A BOOK! Please! And don't get your parenting advice here! The first answers said "hit her," and you already knew that wasn't the way to help her!

Answer 8

i would stick her in her highchair or crib(if she cant already get out of it) each time she throws a fit. Let her scream her little head off. And keep telling her-"Well- you shouldnt act that way" or "You dont hit!" If you're not gonna spank her--she has to have a serious consequence. So- use time out and let her calm down. Even if she cries herself to sleep. Also--if she throws a toy on the floor-take it away and dont give it back for a day or so. Explain that since she cant act right-she cant have that toy. I know shes young-but she'll get the point-EVENTUALLY. Does she also do this in public? How embarassing, huh? If you allow it at home she will definitely do it outside the home.You are the boss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

My 16 month old had a temper from the age of 4 months and he still has a temper and all I did was put him in his high chair until he calmed down. I made sure I put him in a place where I can see him. I know its mean, but from this day it still works for me. The spanking thing, I wouldn't even think of it. I spanked my son once cause he hit a family member that day for no reason and that was the day I stopped.

Answer 10

Put her in an empty room. (I would suggest a bathroom with everything put away.) Tell her this will be called her quiet room. Sit down with her and hold her hands so she won't hit u. After a while the screaming should get quieter. After that (if she understands you speaking) ask her what's wrong. She may not answer but keep asking her. (Ask calmly). As soon as she realizes that it's ur time to talk (if she continues screaming just start telling her that it's ur time to talk) she may stop screaming for a little bit. Ask her why she's so mad. If she remains quiet give her some juice or milk and tell her that u don't like it when she screams. Give her body language. If she cries a little pick her up and pat her on the back. Make sure to keep her toy away for a little while to show that if she screams she won't get it. After u come out of the quiet room tell her that if she ever wants to scream she should go in her quiet room. This worked with my child. One thing u wrote b4 disturbs me, u wrote "she's too young to hit". U should never hit ur child!!!!!! Give her time outs as she becomes a todler but never hit her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!