Why don't people punish their children when they are bad any more?

Question

When I go out around town, I have noticed that there are many parents that just let their children scream and throw terrible tantrums while the parents do nothing or tell their child to stop in a quiet voice. Why is this? Don't these parents realize they are handicapping their children? These poor children are growing up, thinking that the rules don't apply to them and they can get away with anything. Could someone please enlighten me?

(Please don't bother responding if you plan on answering in less than a sentence.)

And to answer your question, I do have a little girl.

Answer 1

I am surprised by how many people do not rear their children anymore. Children are allowed to talk back and be smart mouthed and the parents stand there and take it. I live across from a family with a 15 year old and they let her smoke, drink and run around all hours of the night. They do not think this is wrong. My children thought it was "cool" and I told them that it easier to let your children run wild than to actually take the time to correct them and teach them right from wrong. I told my kids her mommy really does not love her or she would take the time to bust her butt!

Answer 2

Well I'm a mother of two. I agree with you that parents nowadays are not as aggressive as before.But unfortunately that is the governments and school officials and police's fault. They have taken authority away from the parents and have drilled into the children's head that if they get hit or punished they have to tell the school or police and no one wants to deal with the repercussions. I agree with the way it used to be. When I was a kid and even "thought" about doing something wrong all my mother had to do was look at me and that would set me straight. And if I actually did something wrong I could count on my @ s. s. getting lit on fire and I didn't die and I'm not traumatized or anything. Today I actually appreciate that my mother was like that. I don't hit my kids but I have been really strict with them since they were little and they know that if they misbehave they will get more than a simple "time out". I'm teaching them responsibility. They have chores assigned to them. Do their own laundry. They are not outside unless their father or myself are with them and they must at all times be polite and show their manners.
People can't just have kids and let them run around buck wild and you can't wait until they are preteens or teens to want to teach them 'cause they will laugh in your face, they need to be trained since they are really little.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, those of us who have children probably know all too well why it is so difficult to punish our kids in public.
My 4 1/2 year old son is a great child. Bright, funny, articulate, very intelligent for his age. The down side to this is he can become very bored and very vocal sometimes.
As much as I can try to keep him controlled in public, he, like all childern, can have their bad days. Although they do not happen often, they happen, just like any adult can have a bad day for no reason. We can not always control these days to happen when we are at home. I have a life that includes going out in public to run errands.
The thing is, I can control him and I know how to do this. He will listen to me if I talk to him in a quiet voice. Sometimes it means swatting his butt, his hand, putting him in the cart or stroller or taking whatever action is necessary.
But then you have the people that if you lay so much as a finger on your child, they look at you like you are a scum of the earth child abuser.
I was abused by my father when I was younger. My mother is a Deputy Sheriff. I have taken paretning classes. Beleive me, I know the difference between discipline and abuse.
It just gets so hard to please everyone else in this world. Either they say something because you are ignoring your child's tantrum, which you are doing on purpose, because you know he will stop it once he realizes he isn't getting your attention. Or they say something because of the way you are discplinign him. You can't win either way and that is why it can get so frustrating at times. Everyone seems to know how to raise YOUR kid and they will tell you this. My problem is that it is none of their business.
I have left food 1/2 eaten on the table, I have left a full cart of groceries sit in the aisle. I have looked people in the eye and told them to mind their own business, that he is a 4 year old boy that can raise a stink to see what kind of attention he will get.
He knows the rules, but just like anyone else, he knows how to push his boundaries.
He will even see other kids acting up and will make a comment to me about how they are behaving.
No child is 100% perfect 100% of the time.
I am a mother who enjoys spending time with my kids. I do not believe in leaving them with a sitter everytime I need to go somewhere. It's almost as if you are treating them like a caged animal.
My son can be a hellion, but he will also cuddle up to me every night on the couch for a book, gives me unlimited hugs and kisses and color me wonderful pictures. I will take the temper tantrums with the sunny days and to h*ll with what everyone thinks of my parenting and discipling skills.
I'm sorry that being perfect has marred some of these people's sensability. I certainly won't loose any sleep over their feelings of me.

Answer 4

Parents are becomming parents for the wrong reasons and certainly before they're responsible enough. And these parents are a product of their parents before them, whom, from what I see, were so busy worrying about NOT turning into their own parents that they failed to discipline their children. We've gotten so far away from what being a parent is. Now my generation, (20 somethings) which I try not to claim, generally feels that children are either an accessory, a way to stay in a relationship, or a "mistake" that they have to live with. We're all in new territory More and more children are being raised in single parent homes. The stability of the family is gone.... There is no manual on it. But, before I stray from the subject too far, my answer is "bad parenting"

Answer 5

Although I am not one of those parents - - - I can empathize with them (or at least some of them)... I think society as a whole has brought about this new "no spanking" era.... You know - here in Illinois - - - if you were to spank your child in ... let's say Wal-Mart... you better be prepared, because there was someone there watching you - just ready to turn you in to the Department of Children and Family Services for "beating your child"... The thing is.... children do deserve corporal punishment..... What honks me off the most, is that those of us who try to discipline our children and make them behave correctly, get in more trouble than those parents/guardians that actually beat their children! What is wrong with that picture?

Answer 6

How do you know in every instance that the parents don't discipline? I don't care what others think; I don't care if someone calls CPS - more power to them. I do not like to punish my kid in the store. I will punish him afterwards. When he was very little, popping him only made things worse. At such a young age you've got to plan ahead - know what's going to start it and try to avoid the situation, etc. Once they are 2 or so, I'm sorry, but they can remember what they've done. Disciplining them afterwards works fine - at least for us. Tell them if they don't stop they're getting punished - the punishment escalates if they keep on. I have no problem with people spanking their kids. It just did not work for our oldest. It would turn to beatings if we were going to make him understand, and that is where the line is drawn. It is wrong. Now my son is older, and punishing afterwards apparently worked because all we need to do now is let him know if his behaviour continues then he will be punished at home. That usually stops him dead in his tracks. The ONLY form of discipline that ever worked for him was take away favorite toys (sometimes a couple of months) one at a time - to no friends to play with - no play with us -no bedtime story - to where basically he's bored to death and is not allowed to whine about it. So how do you discipline akid in a place that does not have the means for you to discipline them in a way that works? He still does get punished. How do you know the next time he is not perfectly behaved? When you punish,the child must learn something. It is not about the parent or others getting immediate satisfaction. If I would have spanked my son, it would have escalated and I would have been put in jail and lost him to boot. To say he was defiant in respect to spankings is an understatement.

I just read others responses. You know, if spankings work, go for it. If they don't and you spank any way, then it is only for your satisfaction - I hope you don't feel guilt afterwards. That's your punishment. You know if it's wrong. People were against spankings because spankings used to be all out beatings. Welts, bleeding, sometimes broken bones. And it was legal. The law is not going to take your child away just for a spanking. If there are no marks (redness is okay and some MINOR bruises on behind) such as welts and blood blisters bad bruises, no bruises on parts of body not related to spanking, no internal injuries, no broken bones, etc. This is according to an all-day seminar on child abuse that I took (I was involved with Head Start) in a large city given by a police detective that worked these type cases. By the way, at least in that state, it is against the law to slap a child.

Remember a generation ago spankings were beatings. Since then, as people have spoken out against spankings, others have assumed that they must mean the spanking of behinds. Unfortunately, now there are people that are against any form corporal punishment. If it is the right thing to do, go for it. Even in the stores. If they want to report you, tell them more power to them. Then sue their butt in court for wrongfully reporting you (there is a name for this and I don't know it). If any were incurred, all the expenses that you had to pay, etc. should be recouped. Remember though, that just a spanking is not wrong. Anything more is child abuse. If spanking does not work for your kid, and you do it, it is child abuse.

Answer 7

Don't you realize you are handicapping your child by hitting her? It is possible to raise disciplined, happy, confident children by not hitting them. And I don't mean being a passive parent that lets their child control them and get away with misbehaving. You are not a good parent because you spank. I view "spankers" as a symbol of trash. Alot of children who are hit, spanked, slapped (all the same) do think the rules don't apply to them and think they can get away with anything. Spanking doesn't "turn" them into well behaved kids. Maybe get some education on child development.

Answer 8

I agree with some of the answers that say parents are afraid to spank their kids in public because they might get a visit from Child Protective Services. I know I do. But, my daughter doesn't throw tantrums in public places. I taught her very well at home that she will be punished if she misbehaves no matter where we are.

Answer 9

i think many people are afraid in today's society of what other people would think or do. With CYS, and other child protective services, alot of people are scared that they are going to be called upon or show up at their door. It's a scary situation when you think abou it. The problem is, when a child throws a tantrum, the best thing to do is let them have it, but take them to the car (if its in a store). It's better not to give them any attention when they do that. I guess you don't have children? Wait until you have kids and ask this same question!

i just love some of these answers...like its a walk in the park to raise children! Try it sometime!

Answer 10

If you have a child, you would more than likely understand the situation a little better. I have a two year old. She has a habit of throwing a fit when I try and put her into the seat in the cart. She'll try and wiggle out of the seatbelt and stand in there as well. She'd rather be pushing the cart herself and/or running wild around the store because she's expoloring. She also likes to be quite verbal when dining out. It is embarassing, and it's not like I'm not trying to do anything about it-I mean, I do try and talk to her and keep her occupied as much as possible, but sometimes it's just not possible. When a child throws a fit in public, at times, the best thing to do is to talk to them, take them out of the store, or just ignore it. I used to think the exact same things you did until I had a child!

Answer 11

I personally dont spank my children. With my 2 1/2 year-old we use time-outs and I try to explain to him what he is doing isn't okay ... he has never thrown a tantrum in a public place and only a few times at home (his tantrum is sitting very still and not talking to you)

People just need to raise their kids these days, alot of parents dont pay attention anymore!