we have also dated on and off since i was 16 (now 29) and have been best friends for our whole lives. he was married once before , should that matter? HELP !
2006-08-31 03:42:45 · 52 answers · asked by girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hi girl. Listen, its not for me to tell you what to do, but here is my nickel's worth, take it if it helps you. I just don't think it is good for us women to think we have to "wait" for the ring (the commitment) like it is something outside the reality of our everyday life with the men we love. The "ring" is not some sacred object that just hangs there over us and we are waiting for it to fall. No. If you all have been together for five years, through good and bad, then isn't the "ring" (the mutual commitment, the mutual trust, the pledge to help one another) always a part of it? Hasn't it been there already, growing stronger, for five long years? That's how I would look at it, and, that's how he should see it too. The "ring" is not his to give, not alone. When you openly talk together about where you want to go next as a couple, the public acknowledgment (engagement, marriage, etc) is only one stage in a life building that you both have been doing together for years. Claim what is already yours (and his) by naming it.
2006-08-31 03:50:11 · answer #1 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That does matter! His previous marriage that is. When I moved into my apartment complex there was a very nice couple who should be married just living together across the hall and it was because he needed to do that first before he could marry her because he had married once before and it turned out to be a disaster. He was just scared and needed the chance to see how wonderful living with this girl would be! Now they are happily married.
Do have a heart to heart about it though because at 29 I would want to be married. I do think he is making you wait too long and you need to find out why and decide whether it will ever happen. You never know though, he could be ring shopping behind your back right now.
2006-08-31 03:49:11 · answer #2 · answered by JenaMarie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The issue isn't how long WE think you should wait for a ring... it's how long YOU feel you can wait for a ring, and not suffer doubt and a lack of respect. And it sounds like you've already reached that point.
He doesn't seem very motivated to make you his wife, no offense. Five years is plenty of time - plenty, to least discuss it, not to mention, your previous history. This guy's getting his cake and eating it too, and it sounds like you deserve better.
I'd remind him of that. But anyway, do you really want to waste anymore of your life on this guy? You may have stuck with him, and meanwhile someone else was out there just looking for someone like you, who does want to settle down with and be a family! If it were me... he'd had more than enough time!'
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LUZR, we aren't talking rings as in, pretty shiny things. The ring here means commitment, engagement, plans to get married and make the relationship official. Wouldn't you say a promise of fidelity is the BEST way a man can show how he feels about her? A commitment to ensure that her financial and physical cares are cared for, were something to ever happen to him? (etc)
2006-08-31 03:48:18 · answer #3 · answered by UnrealJuju 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you've been best friends your whole lives, and been together for 5 years, you should be able to talk about anything, including future. Ask him his plans, what's the picture? Are you in it?It shouldn't matter if he was married before. If he's afraid to be married again, it's not fair for you. If you don't share the same future, both of you should consider changing your plans. You should let him know how you feel. Good luck.
2006-08-31 03:52:12 · answer #4 · answered by Akai 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be, which is probably why he is apprehensive on getting into it again. I think as long as you are both happy in the relationship, you shouldn't worry about it. But if it's really important to you to get married, than just talk to him about it, see where he stands. People totally underestimate the power of communication. And if he doesn't want to get married, then you'll know, and you can make the decision whether or not you want to move onto someone who does. But there is nothing that says that you have to have a ring to have a wonderful life with someone.
2006-08-31 03:48:49 · answer #5 · answered by Brandi C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you two have been together for such a long time, you're so lucky to have found someone.
I think it may matter that he's been married before, maybe he's scared because his first marriage failed. I think you should talk to him about marriage. Try to ease it into the conversation, like look at some gossip magazine when you two are at a grocery store or look at a entertainment channel/show and ask him what he things about celebrities getting married so fast.
2006-08-31 03:45:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wait until you ask him or he asks you. He was married before so that may have something to do with it. My BF and I have been living together for almost 10 years. We are happy the way things are. For me, this works. We have both been married before. If you want a commitment and you don't get it then move one. Depends on what you want out ot the situation.
2006-08-31 03:51:26 · answer #7 · answered by blueyes2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you happy with him? are you having a great time? if so ..don't worry about the ring! it has to happen mutually. don't talk about it, don't mention anything about marriage or the ring. do you feel he loves you deeply and are you both committed? if so..no worries. Just because you get a ring from a man does not mean anything.The level of committment is all you need for now. Besides who said marriage is the ultimate proof for a man's love? it's not, it's only a piece of paper. So, just enjoy your relationship with him and he is probebly not ready to give you a ring yet or perhaps he is thinking about it..who know? but does it matter? Does he love you deeply and treats you well and gives you everything you need to keep you happy? (not materialistic things of course).
2006-08-31 03:52:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU CAN PROPOSE TO HIM that would be awesome!! Or you can start with dropping some subtle hints! If that doesn't work talk to him about it!
If he was married before it does matter A LOT! He could be scared to commit again for fear it may turn out like it did before.
Either way just be patient! Or buy yourself a ring!
2006-08-31 03:48:32 · answer #9 · answered by Veronica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to give him an ultimatum. My sister in law did it and my brother loves her more than ever now that they are married. He may have commitment issues (major ones). Have a good long conversation about it with him and then say something like, "I'll give you the next year. When and where within that time is your choice, but I'm not getting any younger. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life."
2006-08-31 03:45:59 · answer #10 · answered by Amanda 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋