How do I explain to a 5 year old...???

Question

Every morning for about 2 weeks, my son has been crying before he goes into his Kindergarten class, which he did not do the 1st week of school. I find out this morning that there is a mentally disabled girl in his class who freaks the living hell out of him. He has never seen, nor been around mentally disabled people. How do I explain so that he will understand that he doesnt need to be afraid of them? How do I explain why they look and act in the manner that they do? Help please! Its such a chore to get my son to go to school every morning!

The reason I never explained it to him before is because I never had to, and honestly I didnt think I had to. He knows that everyone is different. I mean he is a white boy and he has black and hispanic cousins who he absolutely loves, so I thought he was ok with "different" people. I dont teach racism or discrimination (in response to a reply below).

Answer 1

I think most of the people here have given great advice, and I would suggest the same. I also want to say that it's not your fault that your son doesn't know this already. I mean, I have a four year old who will be going into kindergarten next year and I would never have thought about explaining this to her. Not because I don't think she should know, but because who thinks about having to tell a 5 year old all of this? What are you supposed to do - bring him to a hospital for the mentally challenged and let him walk around and look at all the children who are mentally disabled? Oh, that's healthy. I'm sure that if one girl in his class freaks him out, it would be great to have him in a roomful! (yes, that's sarcasm in response to another reply to this question).

I also remember having a girl with a disability in our class, and I remember that the counselers came into our class to talk to us. they had some little activities and taught us that she was the same inside as the rest of us, just different on the outside. After that, everyone wanted to be her friend, and they halped to defend her when anyone else made fun of her on the playground and in class. Maybe you could talk to your son's counseler and see if this would be a possibility. Even if they said no to going into the classroom, they can still help your son understand. I think this may be the best way to go. You may want to be in there with him, that way he knows that everything's okay, they just want to talk to him about what he's feeling about this girl, and they want to let him know that he doesn't need to be afraid.

I hope this helps. Good Luck

Answer 2

I think talking the teacher and getting her involved is a good start to this problem. Go to the bookstore or library and find a children's book on this subject.

Maybe, if you can, sit in the class a couple of days and when the little girl does something that is out of the ordinary, look at your son and reassure him that it is okay and he is going to be safe in the class with the little girl. She is harmless, just need a little extra care.

I never had to deal with a problem like that, but I my son has epilepsy. I was always worried that if he had a seizure in class (kindergarten - 2nd grade), if the children would be afraid of him. Well, it happened (only one time) in the first grade and the children were out on the playground. The school called me and I was of course worried. When I arrived to the school to pick him up, he was fine. I asked about the children and the teacher and principal told me that it was the children who carried him in the school from the playground. That brought tears to my eyes to know that children are more compassionate than we sometimes realize. They were not afraid of him the next day, I was good.

So, once he gets used to being around other children who are a little different, he will be just fine and this will help adjust him for other different people he will come in contact with in the future.

When you out in public and you see a child who is mentally challenged, explain to him that there are all kinds of children in this world. Don't be afraid but be compassionate. Don't turn in another direction to avoid him seeing someone like this, let him see (not stare someone down) so he can better start to understand.

Answer 3

I'd talk with the teacher and the other students mom. Ask her if she can explain why her daughter is different. I have seen parents, whose children are in general ed classes, come in and explain to the kids why their child is different and how they are just the same as them too.

Your son is being perfectly normal if you haven't encountered this situation before. Kids are curious and worry as well. He might be afraid he could "catch it" so that needs to be explained too, that it isn't contagious.

There are some really great children's books out there dealing with all kinds of disabilities,t hose could be helpful as well.

I hope you find an answer and your son has a great year in Kindergarten, mine starts next Tues!

Answer 4

Don't you love it when people bash you and your parenting skills without knowing anything about you or your life?

I can understand that this may not have come across a situation where you would need to explain this to your son. I think people that DO have disabled and mentally handicapped children or adults in their families or in their social circles take it for granted and think that everyone has someone like that in their life. Not everyone does have someone with disabilities in their life. So you're to be punished because of that?

I can also understand that it may bother some people that have children or family members or friends who are disabled and someone says something like "there is a mentally disabled girl in his class who freaks the hell out of him". I know you didn't mean anything by it but to explain the situation...but people get sensitive about those things sometimes. It's just like when people are explaining a situation or a point and someone of a different race or religion gets offended....there may be no negative comments made...but they still get defensive...it's our nature...we're humans...we get our feelings hurt...and sadly we've been programmed to think negatively even when there is no negative connotation. That being said...I don't think that anything in your question was wrong....just taken out of context by some.

I hope that we can all be a little more civilized with each other.

To answer your question...I agree with the majority on the suggestion for you to call the teacher or go to her classroom and see her when you pick your son up.

Your son may also be picking up on some other kids' attitudes and actions whose parents are not doing well at teaching their children good social skills...and those are the kids that will grow up to be ignorant teenagers and horrible bullies. The very fact that you are asking this question shows me that you want the very best for your child...including teaching him to be a well rounded individual....and that you really don't want to screw it up. I commend you for that....you could sit back like a lot of parents and say "well, they should have that kid in special ed"....like it's the little girl's fault. Which we all know it's not her fault....she was born that way.

The teacher is probably aware that there is an issue....your son is most likely not the only one afraid. Just talk to her/him and voice your concerns because you have every right to try to ensure your son's comfort and safety...you're his mother for goodness sake!

Don't get discouraged by all the ignorant people out there telling you that you aren't doing a good enough job raising your son. We all have our own ways of doing things...and yours just happens to not exactly match theirs. BIG WHOOPDY DOO!

From one mother to another...keep doing what you're doing....your best is all you can give your child....and that's 100x better than a lot of kids in the US get.

Answer 5

my 5 yr old daughter visited an orphanage today and asked me why there were mentally and physically disabled kids and why r they so? i explained to her that god made them so ..its just that they r the same as her but with a little difference and its so unfortunate that they cannot be normal and tht they shouldnt be teased and instead should be helped...she was a little scared at first...guess she thought something woould happen to her like tht but a couple of mins later she came to me and she said she wanted to see them again when i have the time so tht she could help them...she perfectly understood wht i was trying to tell...and the kids can understand if u tell them that the brain has not developed properly because of improper nourishment ( atleast our kids will know that they have to eat healthy food) and tell him that they cannot understand things as good as he can and he should try to help her understand and not tease her or hurt her...guess they will keep facing such situations more often and teaching them to be kind , helpful and compassionate will make them better humans right from a very young age...so why dont u take him to a childrens home or someplace like that so that he will understand better once u explain to him.There is nothing u should hide tell it like it is...in simpler terms and i m sure he will understand...and 5 year old these days can understand much more complicated stuff...:)

Answer 6

""I have a son with cerebral palsy. Yes he may seem different but he is the same as you and I. I think you should have taught your son about this matter already. There is also no reason for him to be afraid.. He only knows what you tell him so who's fault is it that he's afraid""

To Santiagobell...mentally or physically disabled people CAN be frightening to a 5 year old. Some of them make noises and flail around...To blame mom is inappropriate. Everybody has fears...I dont blame my mother for my fear of snakes!

Answer 7

Ouch that has to be hard. Explain that all people are different and she isnt going to harm anyone and she is a person just like the rest of us. Sometimes kids are scared of the child being hurt, and just tell him she is ok she just needs some extra attention because she learns different than most. Suggest him helping her out and getting involved.. Its a normal thing to fear the unknown, talk to her aide and ask to get your son involved with her lunch time or somthing like that. Or even get yourself involved with her and your son. Good luck.

Answer 8

I think it's best to explain to your son that everyone is different and God made her special in her own way and that he's special in his own way. Also say that she needs help sometimes and she doesn't act the same way as everyone else does when they need help. He's young and yeah it's going to be hard for him to understand at first, but I think eventually he'll end up accepting her as a classmate. If that doesn't work, ask the teacher or the school's prinicipal how you should go about it.

Answer 9

I would get down tohis level and explain that you understand how he feels, that many people do. That he doesn't need to be scared because she is not going to hurt him, he is not going to catch anything and she is just like you and me but has some problems that she can not help.

As long as they are not sitting right next to eachother or at the same table then that hopefully will help. I would tell the teacher that he is having these fears and if they do sit near to eachother, see if seating changes can be made for now.

Good luck!

Answer 10

First I dont think its your fault, and I dont blame you that this situation never came up his only 5. I have a handicap sister, when i was younger and other kids would say things, I would just tell them thats she special and that she has disabilities but she has big heart and she has alot of love. Tell him not to be scared but to remember she wants a friend just like you, and tell him that by not being scared shows what a big kid he is.just encourage him not to be scared, tell him shes probly scared too because of everyone looking at her different. You could also tell him just imagine how she must feel looking different from the other students.