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I was visiting my bride's maid in Canada a few weeks ago and she got brutally offended by a comment I made. She was asking me what sort of shower my mother-in-law would host for me back in New York. My reply was that it was fancier than the traditional showers of lingerie and 'bedroom' paraphernalia. She took my comment to mean that I thought now that I live in American, that I am better than her and that she doesn't need friends who make her feel inferior. That is NOT what I meant at all. All I was trying to say was that my mother-in-law has lived in NY her whole life and she is an older lady with older friends who do 'high-noon- tea instead of slapping a half-naked man's ***. No matter what I say, I can't get my friend to forgive me. She almost withdrew herself as a Bride's Maid. My family is very old-fashioned and very traditional...but I am not. Should I just let it go?? I really miss her and want her to be in NY in October.

2006-08-31 03:26:40 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Weddings

18 answers

Honey, you need to talk, and do it soon---like now! I can see why she was offended. But, if she was hurt by the comment then you should at least explain the situation and why you said what you did.

I understand exactly what you meant. My daughter got married in May...she had 2 very nice proper showers, with the punch and the fingersandwichs, and the pomp and fluff you could have. That's not my daughter, so I gave my baby girl a shower myself. I know that may seem rude to some people, but I will explain. My daughter is marrying into a very nice Church going family, they are the kind of people that have "high tea" and never ever would invite someone who let's say---some of my friends! I have a group of friends ranging from lawyers to one that cooks chicken for a living. A couple of are gay, they would not feel comfortable at the "proper shower".

So, I had a come as you are shower. Some wore nice outfits, some wore their uniforms(nurse's, McDonald's) other wore cutoffs. One even wore her pjs...We sat around the den, and the best time, no games, no pressures, just plain old girl talk. They gave my daughter advice...do's and don'ts...we had some finger foods, and cokes, (someone made some daiquris) and we just had a blast. My daughter said that was the most relaxing night that she had since she and my son-in-law picked a wedding day.

Apologize to her, she's feeling left out. She's unsure, if you are still her best friend, and she afraid of losing to a high classed way of life. She's uncomfortable, maybe insecure that she is still good enough of being your friend...So, set that girl straight right now...that you love her, and you don't mind the high-class events, but it's so good to be around her, because you can be totally yourself.......that's what friends are, they really know you, warts and bad habits, and they still love you!

God bless us all....................

2006-08-31 06:13:40 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 2 0

She just sounds jealous.... just let it simmer down for a while.. If she backs out of being a bridesmaids because of that then she's not a real friend. If she doesn't have to pay for it while does she care?? I was in a friends wedding and her grandmother insisted on having a stuffy tea party 4 hours ways at her house... You know what, I couldn't have cared less because she did all the work and wanted nothing from me. I just had to drive 4 hours... no big deal!


No matter what you do- people have to make comments or drive you nuts. I have one friend who keeps trying to help me save money by suggesting TACKY things and she's driving me nuts. She was try to tell me to have a cash bar and I am having a fancy wedding!! Yeah, I am going to have this really nice wedding but I am not going to give you a glass of wine cause I am trying to save $2.00... LOL that would be lovely. And she doesn't understand why I won't take her advice. You just can't talk about certain things with certain people!

2006-08-31 05:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I can kind of see where she gets it from. Not trying to side from her ( I would have accepted an apology) but that comment does kind of make it sound like you are saying that you don't like traditional showers that everything has to be high class. But since you didn't mean it that way and you want her in your wedding we need to see if we can't get her to understand. I wouldn't call her because she is probably frustrated and doesn't want to talk to you. I would write her a letter explaining everything this way you know exactly what is getting said and that you say everything you want to say. Tell her you are so sorry and that you didn't mean it that way. Just spill out your guts make it a long letter. If you send her a half a page letter then it is going to sound as if you still aren't taking the time to write down your feelings. It should be two pages. (not necessarily but long). Then ask her to call you when she is ready to talk. DON"T call her because then you are being to pushy wait for the call. Hopefully she will call. She should!!!! Good luck.

2006-08-31 05:36:04 · answer #3 · answered by glitter3317 4 · 0 0

This is about you, not her. It is possible she is a bit jealous and this is how it is coming out. I would try 1 MORE TIME to explain what you meant, tell her you would not have come all the way to see her if you thought yourself better than her, and you miss her and want her in your wedding. If she still has attitude, drop it. You deserve to be surrounded by people who wish you well and are thrilled for you, nothing less! Do not feel bad about it, just go on with planning and realize that it is her loss. She is being very petty and ridiculous, but sometimes our pride, no matter how wrong, is all we have. Good luck to you and congratulations. Everything will work out, don't let this be a cloud over your bright day!

2006-08-31 03:34:39 · answer #4 · answered by Smilingcheek 4 · 0 0

Fazizzle is right.

This is a Bridal Shower, not a bachlorette party. They are two totally different things.

The Bridal shower is meant to be sort of like a baby shower. An event that everyone can attend and it's usually in the middle of the day.

The Bachlorette party is your last big night out with your girlfriends before you get married, your last night of "freedom" so to speak.

Seems like she got the two events mixed up. Just because your having a Bridal Shower doesn't mean that you can't have a bachlorette party. Most people have both.

2006-08-31 04:17:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

First of all I think you have your question a bit mixed up. A bachelorette party is where the lingerie and naked guys come in to play...not at the shower. I think you hurt her feelings and that now she feels really bad about what you said.
Did you think about the fact that what you were saying could have been said differently?
I think that you should either write her a email or a letter and tell her how you feel. Be open and honest with her and make sure that you try to make the hurt better for her.

Good luck!

2006-08-31 07:21:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

My Wife & I had a very uniqe wedding & it was rough.
Because no-one understood us & thought we were being to picky. If you have enough time go for it but if not it's best to just only involve the people that run with your vision. You need supportive people around you not people who will add to your stress. She is just being selfish. Let her alone until she grows up & if she dosent then it's too bad. If she dosen't want to accept your apology that's her problem, if you were a liar, that's one thing, but if you've never lied to her, she has no reason not to believe you. Let her believe what she wants. You don't have time for petty, manipulation games right now. When we planed our wedding we saw EVERYONES true colors towards the end.
It's too bad she had to do that to you in this special time of your life. You have to let it go. Plan your wedding as if she will not be attending & if she calls you, be pleasent, forgiving & let her know that planning a wedding is stressful & you don't need any added pressure. Tell her you need 100% support. If she refuses to be supportive, you need to find another bridesmaid or have one less.
We had to ask our Maid of honor to step down & she was my wife's sister!

2006-08-31 06:58:40 · answer #7 · answered by JC 2 · 0 0

Sorry, your friend has over reacted and I thought your comments on the impending shower were witting and revealing. A friend will make allowances and want to understand that the wedding and shower are about you and not HER. You have enough to occupy your time without having to babysit someone who is obviously jealous and narrow minded. This is not going to work out and is going to put a damper on your special day due to her inadequacies and not your own. I would seriously consider replacing her in the bridal party.

2006-08-31 03:48:05 · answer #8 · answered by jodie 6 · 0 0

I would just let it go and in a few weeks call her and try to talk with her, she may not be mad anylonger and it may just have been the wedding drama stress.

I have no clue why some women act like that when they get married, life is too short to sweat the small stuff and get all stressed over a wedding. Just chill out and enjoy yourself, that is what I did and there was no drama, no fights, no atitude, just fun and a good time.
Wish people could be cool like that more often.

2006-08-31 03:33:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Last time I checked, a bridal shower didn't include strippers. That was saved for the night before the wedding.

I would call her up and reconnect. Something was misunderstood, and now it's up to you to do something about it. I would talk to her like an adult, and explain your situation. You DO need her in the wedding, and your family IS traditional. There's no way around that.

However, be honest with yourself. Value your friendship.

2006-08-31 03:54:05 · answer #10 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 1 0

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