i want a baby, my husband wants to wait until we're ready... how ready?

Question

how ready is ready? I am 23 my husband 27, we bought our home two years ago, he has a good job and I'm 6months away from graduating my final year in college. should we wait or not? I don't want to be pushing in my walker to girl scout meetings and saying "honey, bring mommy her arthritis medicine."

Answer 1

i can understand that you are broody, almost every women will at some point want a baby - its human nature. however you cant talk your husband into fatherhood untill he too feels ready. ask him when he is thinking of starting & family & why.

it could be that he wants to get financially secure & enjoy a few years of just you & him before having a baby... if youre only just finishing your education then maybe he is thinking that you should work on your career a bit before trying to concieve?

i cant say that there is a certian age thats best for a person to have a baby, but if i was forced to i would say late 20s. because by then you still have youth on your side, but will also have taken time to let your relationship grow, have a home, finished education, got savings in the bank etc...

without thinking about your wishes for a baby - instead think of the ideal situation you would reccomend that a friend be in before she try for a baby.

i know we dont live in an ideal world, i would would say its better to have the following *ideals* in place - if possible - before you have a baby;
~ have finished education
~ worked on a career path
~ be able to support yourself if you ended up single
~ have your own home
~ have experience with babys / kids
~ be in a long term relationship
~ be debt free & have savings inthe bank

i had 5 of the 7 in place when i had my 1st baby. hey, i want to try for my 5th baby, but my husband says to wait a year or 2 so i will wait. it doesnt stop me wanting one, but i know his reasons make sense & a couple of years isnt all that long - not if you are busy with other things.

take care

Answer 2

two takes on this

you can go early, i.e. about now. This may however delay your career when you've just graduated, and even postpone it indefinitely. Not that kids are bad, but I guess if you went through college you had an idea to get some interesting job didn't you? The nice thing about having kids early is that you're young(er) for them so can be closer, especially for more physical activities (sports). The bad thing about having kids early is that you will not have a chance to, say, go on romantic week-ends in great spots,take long trips to exotic places.

You can go late, i.e. wait a few more years. The upside is that you'll be able to travel to exotic places, have fun, late dinners, a lot of great stuff. And when children arrive, you will not have regrets, "ah if only i had had children later, I could have done this or that, I could have become a successful professional".



By the way:
- you're 23, that's very young (I'm tempted to say: baby). My own mother had me when she was 24 (and she had just completed her medicine studies) and then she worked part-time and all went well but it was heavy work for her. My wife had our first baby aged 33, yes 33, which didn't prevent us from going for 4 kids, yes 4, last one born when she was 39. By the time the last baby is, say, 25, I sure hope that my wife won't need arthroitis medicine (yet)! ;-)
- do NOT try the funny tricks, such as telling your husband you "somehow" got pregnant, you don't know how, so that he stops any contraceptive measures and you do fall pregnant. Of course those tricks work, but it could damage the trust. And deciding to start a family is something one does not do with tricks.


Does this help at all?


a

Answer 3

You are never 100% ready!!! That would be too easy! I am a mom of 2 wonderful kids (14 yrs. and 7 yrs.) You will never have enough money, enough time, enough anything BUT somehow it all works out! It really does. Many new moms doubt their ability. I say to you this, read some books so you have an idea of what to expect. You will always be surprised by something or another. You'll be surprised how you can just roll with the punches. I was 23 with my first and 30 with my second. Being young parents is great because you need the energy! Take advice on parenting with a grain of salt. Everyone will have a theory. My suggestion is if it makes sense to you, if it feels right to you, than try it. You will have tough times and easy times and things are always evolving when you have children. You'll adjust as you go along and you'll make it just fine! So, enjoy trying to conceive ;) and enjoy being pregnant, enjoy being a parent. It is the toughest job you will ever love! Good luck!

Answer 4

OH Please! You are only 23. You have lots of good years to have a baby. I didn't have my daughter until I was 29, she's now six and I'm hardly walking around needing arthritis medicine. You should ask your husband what he means by "being ready." It sounds like you guys would be able to provide a nice steady, loving home to a baby. Maybe he wants you to finish school and work for awhile first. Even if you finish school and work for a year you will still have plenty of time to have a baby, trust me. But try to get him to see your side too, it's important to compromise on this.

Answer 5

Congratulations on almost graduating. I think that's something very important if you are starting a family. Your education should be completed, you should have financial stability. And it seems that you guys have basically accomplished both. So talk to him straight, tell him that you want to have a baby. Try to make a plan together, that way you know what's going on and he knows what to expect. If he doesn't want to have children, find out if he doesn't want them now or ever, this could be very important. Share your feelings and ask him how he feels for not wanting to have any kids. But, non the less I wish you luck.

Answer 6

There is no such things as being ready for parenthood. There are times when becoming a parent seems more ideal than others but even then, for first time parents the changes that occur are usually overwhelming and hard to adjust to.

I can tell you from experience that it is no easy feat to be pregnant while in School , you are tired alot and your concentration seems to shift focus. So take that into mind.

When planning for kids , both spouses MUST be in agreement! It's one thing if a pregnancy is unplanned but if your going to actively try to concieve , you both want to be on the same page, otherwise you risk resentment in the long run.

Don't push your Husband , When someone says they aren't ready to become a parent it's wise to listen to them, after all you want him to be the best father he can be , when he is ready.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 7

LANA -U BETTER GROW UP AND SMELL SMELL THE ROSES. It's a real stupid idea not to plan, and it' a dumber idea to not wait until U are ready. It's ideas like yours that cause so many children to be born in poverty, be born to families where there is child abuse, so many children that have to be put in foster homes and many many children that are not wanted. What's the matter with U?????? Young lady--wait until U are both ready. Your husband sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders and U should listen to him. 23 and 27 are not old My daughter is 12 years old, carries a 3.817 grade average in school, loves her mom and dad and gets along fine with other people. I'm 68 yrs old and my wife is 46. We have been married for thirty years and are very happy.

Answer 8

lol. i think that you are so close to your personal goals, that waiting another 6 months to get started on having a baby would be a good idea. finish college, because a baby will seriously derail you. i guess in your case you would have the baby after you graduate. try not to pressure your husband too much about it. if you manage to get pregnant and hes not ready, he could become resentful. not a good way to start a new life.

i wish you the best of luck! i hope you have as many healthy, happy babies as you want!

Answer 9

To quote my Grandma "If everyone waited to be 'ready' to have a baby, no one would ever have babies" There is no perfect time. She told me this after my Mom was upset that my husband and I had not waited a few more years after we had married to start our family. Go Grandma! :)

Answer 10

Your ready now, "he's just scared" you will no doubt have more then one child, think about how many children you plan to raise and how old you want to be when you go to your youngest childs high school graduation, or being the only 40 year old parent on your 10 year old childs baseball or soccer team, you will learn from your children how to be a good parent so go for it.