Tell me a funny joke?

Question

the one who tells the funnest joke will get the 10point.

Answer 1

A guy hated his wife's cat, and one day, decided to try getting rid of him. So he drove the cat over to the park, and left him there (the park was 1 block away). Then he went home. The cat followed him home! So he drove it 2 blocks away. The cat still found his way home. One day, he drove it 4 miles away! The cat found its way home.

2 hours later

The guy called home to his wife and says, "Is your cat there?". The wife said, "yes!". (this is the funny part) The guy says, "Could you get him on the line, I'm lost and I need directions!"

Answer 2

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went.
She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went
dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto
the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof
is
on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always
cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would

make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild.
This
would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.

One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the
choir stand with her.

And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, "The roof, the
roof,

the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!

Burn, muthafukkah, burn! She embarrassingly corrected the parrot,

"No, you don't say that here!!"


The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same
muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!!!..

Answer 3

Chicks

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. "I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW--SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

NUDIST COLONY

GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS

Answer 4

Their was 3 kids and thier mom called them down for breakfast she askes the older one what do u want for breakfast he says well i want ****** frenchtoas she is mad and slaps him and tells him go up to ur room so then she askes the middle one what do u want for breakfast he says he says well then i guess that leavs more **** french toast and is outraged with his language and tells him to go up to is room and then she askes the smallest one what do u want for breakfast he says i dont know but i dont want some of that ****** french toast



2
Their were 3 men in a sounder a dominican puerto rican and a mexican the so thier chillen all of a sudden they here a beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep the dominican says oh sorry thats my build in cell phone so their like cool 5minutes later they here ring the puerto rican says o sorry about that was my build in beeper so then the mexican says he guys be right back so he goes to the bathroom and tells him self dame these people are smart so he puts paper up his *** and says hey guys look i am getting a fax

Answer 5

n old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared.

Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Answer 6

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hairdryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next!"

Answer 7

One day a store owner looked at the building on the left side of his store. There was a big sign that said GREAT QUALITY ITEMS. The next day the building on his right side had an even bigger sign that said LOWEST PRICES. The next day the store owner put up the biggest sign of all: ENTRANCE.


what happends when u cross a blonde and an idiot?

answer: you just end up with what u started with

Answer 8

Then there was the psychology professor, a Yankee's Yankee
and a feminist's feminist, who tells the following story
about herself to illustrate that doctorates don't necessarily
make you smart.
She was driving to a workshop in Atlanta from her home in Ohio.
It was about 10 am, and she'd been driving the entire preceding
day and night herself, and she was consequently not in the best
of tempers as she searched for a motel in which to crash.
A Georgia state policeman pulled her over, got out of his cruiser,
swaggered up to her driver's window, bent down, and drawled,
"Lookie here, darlin',"--uh oh, everybody duck--"Lookie here, darlin',
nobody blows through Georgia that fast."
Said the feminist Yankee overtired psychology professor: "Sherman did."

She says he was not satisfied merely to give her a speeding ticket;
he made her follow him fifty miles out of her way to Nowheresburg, GA,
and wait at the police station until three in the afternoon for a
circuit judge to arrive so that he could explain to her why it wasn't
the best idea in the world to be impolite to policemen, who were after
all interested only in creating the safest possible environment for
everybody including her, etc. etc. The lecture went on for about two
hours, she says, after which she was released to drive the fifty miles
back to her route and resume her search for someplace to crash.

Answer 9

Ive got to see n the GirlNextDoor jokes were funny...liked them. Thanx buddies!

Answer 10

How bout a yo mama shaggy dog tale LOL.. My dad advised me this one as quickly as we've been little. (and while my mom wasnt there Lol) Your mom is so dumb, you observed her observing the orange juice carton, and once you asked why, she spoke back, "using fact it says 'focus'" Lol, it constantly makes me laugh..